But the heat\u2026<\/em>
But the looks I\u2019m going to get\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
None of those excuses held up, and before I knew it, I was pushing that dumb cart up the hill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_4568-scaled.jpeg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nAlong the way, I passed a fellow walker. Naturally, I felt the need to explain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere\u2019s another cart behind the library dumpster,\u201d the woman said to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you kidding me? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n She wasn\u2019t kidding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sure enough, there was another cart, a very long way from home, even more faded and stiff than its counterpart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I joined the two carts, feeling weirdly better that they were now heading home together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Being able to hold on to the handles and lean on the shopping carts as I walked allowed for unexpected support. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I got this<\/em>,\u2019 I thought confidently to myself as I crossed over the bridge, pushing the two carts, now joined together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Up the grassy incline where there was no sidewalk, Of course, I needed to sit down immediately after that adventure and rest my foot, which was good because I really needed to have a talk with myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once seated in a bit of shade, the questions came rapidly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What in the WORLD!?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Why the heck did you do that?<\/em> Why couldn\u2019t you just leave the cart there and take your nice, little fifteen-minute walk as directed?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I tried very hard NOT to judge myself or think about what my doctor (or my concerned family members) would say about this decision. I tried very hard to be compassionate, curious, and open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I very gently asked myself the real<\/em> question:<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that is when the tears started to fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth is, things have been really, really out of sorts for me lately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Physically, I\u2019ve been derailed.<\/strong> Sitting and not doing, learning to exist in ways that are all new to me has been hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Professionally, I\u2019ve been challenged.<\/strong> Creating my first audio series for a renowned publishing company<\/a>, working in ways that are new to me has been hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Emotionally, I\u2019ve been disoriented.<\/strong> Coping with depression and hopelessness in ways that are all new to me has been hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Relationally, I\u2019ve had the rug pulled out from beneath me. <\/strong>Learning to love and understand my younger daughter in ways that are all new to me has been hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The relational piece\u2026 that is the one I\u2019m reeling from the most. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To find out that while I was so busy handling the logistics of my child\u2019s on-going medical issue that I missed the emotional trauma it inflicted\u2026 well, that pretty much causes a person to doubt everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When talking to a mental health professional together last week, I saw with painful clarity how far from home\u2026 how faded and bruised\u2026 my child had gotten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I realized that returning to some sense of normalcy\u2026 a place of peace and trust\u2026 is not going to be easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not going to be a quick push in the right direction, Returning to a thriving place is going to take real effort. ‘This is not supposed to be here<\/em>,'<\/strong> your heart and brain say with clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And you know it\u2019s not an accident that you're the one who is here, seeing something you never saw before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know how or why or when\u2026 but I\u2019m starting up the hill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My heart and mind have joined forces, bracing me with unexpected determination to take this leg of the parenting journey one gentle step at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Who knows?<\/em> Perhaps along the way, ONE will become TWO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hope it is so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Together, we can walk each other home, no matter how long it takes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My friends, I can honestly say I would not have been able to face these painful truths and use them as catalysts for growth, connection, and awareness had it not been for the work I\u2019ve been doing over the past three years with my Soul Shift groups<\/a>. Although I will be taking the month of July away from social media as I do every summer, I will continue listening, learning, and collecting insights to share in the upcoming Soul Shift online course that begins on September 6. If you\u2019d like to be notified when registration opens for this supportive, self-paced journey, click here<\/a>. There is also a very special opportunity to experience the Soul Shift weekend workshop in person<\/u> this year at the Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC. For all of the details about this restorative experience, click here<\/a>. Whether you\u2019ve done the Soul Shift course once, multiple times, or never even heard of it, the weekend workshop<\/a> is connective, transformative, and deeply encouraging. (See testimony from a past participant below)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n My friends, thank you for allowing me to be human\u2026 to live, learn, laugh, and grow with your hand in mine. I love you dearly.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Testimony from a Soul Shift Retreat participant<\/u><\/em><\/strong>:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Soul Shift weekend retreat, led with loving hands by Rachel Macy Stafford, fueled me far more than anything I have experienced throughout the past five years my life. Not only was I able to connect with myself and nature, but also the connectedness I felt with the other participants was unprecedented. Everywhere I turned, there was a welcoming face, gentle hands, and encouraging words to support my path. It is this softness that I still carry with me today. The way things look and feel are different, because I am different. I am more \u2018me\u2019 than I have ever been. I look forward to continued solace and growth as I take steps to integrate the components I learned at the retreat along with the ways my heart felt connected to something much bigger than myself.\u201d -K.L.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I recently got cleared by my podiatrist to take a fifteen-minute walk outside. That sentence does not adequately express the magnitude of this permission. Trust me when I say that being able to do this after a year of excruciating pain and months of immobility felt miraculous. When it was time, I excitedly dropped my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9336,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1778,1735,1742,1766,1747,1760,1763,1867,1831],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":2,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_4568-scaled.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2qz","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9335"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9335"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9335\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_4591-scaled.jpeg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Past the gawking breakfast diners,
Alongside the heavy morning traffic,
Through the blazing hot parking lot,
I pushed those abandoned carts
Until they were safely home. <\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_4602-scaled.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
What were you thinking, Rachel?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nWhy was this so important to you?<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
a short sprint,
an easy fix,
or a minor adjustment to get back on track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Going uphill through the mud,
With unwanted stares from passersby,
One step forward and ten steps back.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBut… there\u2019s something really, really hopeful about the fact that NOW YOU KNOW.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Return the cart<\/em>.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/IMG_4486-scaled.jpeg\")
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