{"id":9389,"date":"2021-11-19T08:00:59","date_gmt":"2021-11-19T14:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9389"},"modified":"2021-11-19T08:01:03","modified_gmt":"2021-11-19T14:01:03","slug":"that-moment-when-youve-found-the-right-ears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2021\/11\/19\/that-moment-when-youve-found-the-right-ears\/","title":{"rendered":"That Moment When You’ve Found the Right Ears"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust put your fear out there,\u201d my friend encouraged. \u201cWhat\u2019s that scared little voice inside you saying is going to happen?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hesitated for a moment. Describing the angst that I was feeling about my upcoming retreat was difficult. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took a deep breath and said, \u201cWell, an influx of people registered at the last minute, a lot more than expected. And the little voice is saying that someone is going to come away feeling unseen and unheard. The thought of missing someone\u2019s pain hurts my heart.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friend encouraged me to be vulnerable \u2013 to put my fear out there<\/em> to the participants and ask them for help in holding space for each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t do this alone, Rach,\u201d Kerry<\/a> said gently. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t have to\u2026 just put it out there\u2026 watch what happens.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew by the way my heart lifted that my friend\u2019s suggestion was exactly what I needed to do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I did it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Admitting my fear to the participants on our first night together wasn\u2019t easy. It came out a bit messy and emotional \u2013 but getting it out there provided great relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day, I stood in awe as participants demonstrated that they had understood the assignment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019d spent the morning exploring two life-giving areas \u2013 Practice of Presence<\/em> and Practice of Self-Kindness<\/em>. After some time of personal reflection, we gathered around the fire pit, and I invited participants to share with the group.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

One by one, brave human beings stood up and took the floor\u2014
but not without first saying things like: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘My heart is pounding out of my chest\u2026 I\u2019m so nervous right now<\/em>.'<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

‘This is WAY out of my comfort zone.<\/em>‘<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

‘I\u2019ve never said this out loud\u2026<\/em>‘<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Nevertheless, they spoke.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Struggles, fears, hopes, dreams, predicaments, and revelations, all vocalized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imperfect 
unrehearsed 
unscripted words

Held by 
loving gazes
nodding heads
tear-stained cheeks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The next morning, a participant came up and thanked me for providing the opportunity to share her heart. Her exact words were, \u201cThank you for not cutting me off\u2026 for giving me the time I needed to express myself.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t help but notice the change in her face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Placing my hand on her arm, I said, \u201cYou look lighter today\u2026 like a weight has lifted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am lighter,\u201d the woman said matter-of-factly. \u201cI\u2019d been waiting for that moment of release\u2026 I just didn\u2019t know it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a solid week following the retreat, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about her words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What prompted the woman to seize that<\/strong><\/em> moment as the moment<\/strong><\/em> to gather her courage and speak her truth? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What were the conditions? And more importantly, could they be replicated outside the warmth of a crackling fire built on a majestic mountaintop?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The answer came the following Sunday morning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Standing in my sunlit kitchen, my fifteen-year-old daughter and her friend appeared. Still in their pajamas from a sleepover at our house, they\u2019d followed the scent of baking muffins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perched on stools pulled up to the kitchen counter, the pair dug into breakfast. After a few bites, the friend explained why she hadn\u2019t been attending a certain activity. This unexpectedly spilled into the story of her parents\u2019 divorce and the tough territory she was currently navigating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know why I\u2019m telling you all this,\u201d the teenager laughed nervously as she turned toward my daughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery\u2019s face was soft, open, attuned, and completely free of judgement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The friend took Avery\u2019s silent acceptance as an invitation to keep spilling\u2026 to keep healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One and a half muffins later, the young lady exhaled\u2026 that was the end\u2026 for now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her monologue had been jumbled and hard to follow at times, but it didn\u2019t matter\u2026 there, on her face, was visible relief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She didn\u2019t need to have the right words<\/em>\u2026 because she had found the right ears.<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The right ears<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That<\/em><\/strong> is the necessary condition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is what allows unfiltered thoughts, pain, and fears to come into the light, making them smaller and less powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her book\u00a0Words Under the Words<\/em>, Poet Naomi Shihab Nye<\/a> writes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have to be careful telling things.<\/em>
Some ears are tunnels.<\/em>
Your words go in and get lost in the dark.<\/em>
Some ears are flat like the miners used <\/em>
looking for gold.<\/em>
What you say will be washed out with the stones.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You look a long time till you find the right ears.<\/em>
Till then, there are birds and lamps to be spoken to,<\/em>
a patient cloth rubbing shine in circles,<\/em>
and the slow, gradual growing possibility<\/em>
that when you find such ears,<\/em>
they already know.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think this is it \u2013 the condition needed at this moment in time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we wrap up our second year living in a global pandemic\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we approach a holiday season where loss will be exponentially abundant, patience brutally scarce\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we accept the reality of how little has changed with regards to dismantling systems that oppress, dehumanize, and devalue vulnerable populations\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we face the mounting frustration of supply-chain issues and employee burnout that have pushed stress to new levels\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we navigate mental health issues caused by the adversity and disruption our kids have experienced over the past two years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do we possibly have to offer in this time of deep, all-consuming pain? <\/em>We ask ourselves.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We offer to hold space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We offer the floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We offer to pass the mic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We offer a seat at the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We offer our vulnerable admissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We offer our undivided attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The right ears for someone\u2019s \u201cmoment of release\u201d may very well be attached to our body.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And by lending our ears,
free of judgement,
preconceived notions,
or personal agendas,
the sacred story within may have a chance to come to light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Witness it, dear ones.
The illumination of pain inside the human heart is what\u2019s needed most this season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because once it is out there, it can be held\u2026 
it can be healed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
North Carolina sunset captured by a Soul Shift retreat participant <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n

It gives me great joy to share that I\u2019ve been invited back to the Art of Living Retreat Center <\/a>to lead my Soul Shift weekend workshop again next fall. If you\u2019d like to save the date, it\u2019s Nov 4-6, 2022. I\u2019m also delighted to share that I\u2019ve been invited to lead my Soul Shift retreat at Omega Institute<\/a> in Rhinebeck, NY on September 9-11, 2022. Please join my Instagram<\/a> or Facebook<\/a> communities where registration links will be posted as soon as they are available. Thank you for your love and support. So often, you are the right ears for me.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a>
Pictured here: Amy Paulson and Carrie Brewer, my dearest friends and retreat assistants. I'm grateful they share their gifts with me & all who attend my retreats. Amy is the magic behind most of the photos you see in this post. Check out Amy's extraordinary work here<\/a>.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cJust put your fear out there,\u201d my friend encouraged. \u201cWhat\u2019s that scared little voice inside you saying is going to happen?\u201d I hesitated for a moment. Describing the angst that I was feeling about my upcoming retreat was difficult.  I took a deep breath and said, \u201cWell, an influx of people registered at the last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9391,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1747,1760,1763,1863,1838,1785,1745,1781],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":0,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/DSC_0245-3.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2rr","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9389"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9389"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9389\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}