{"id":9510,"date":"2022-12-05T20:01:03","date_gmt":"2022-12-06T02:01:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9510"},"modified":"2022-12-05T20:01:06","modified_gmt":"2022-12-06T02:01:06","slug":"family-crisis-burned-out-bulbs-and-healing-comes-in-flickers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2022\/12\/05\/family-crisis-burned-out-bulbs-and-healing-comes-in-flickers\/","title":{"rendered":"Family Crisis, Burned Out Bulbs, and Healing Comes in Flickers"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cI don\u2019t remember last Thanksgiving. Where did we go? What did we do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those were the words of my sixteen-year-daughter as our family of four drove to get a Christmas tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her comment did not surprise me. Traumatic periods of life can get blocked out for self-protective purposes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My husband and my older daughter chimed in with benign tidbits about what they remembered about Thanksgiving 2021.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We weren\u2019t all together for the first time in our lives. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s what I remember.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things were not how they were supposed to be. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s what I remember.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a few more details were offered, everyone in the car got quiet, perhaps remembering how the crisis impacted each of us in different ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When one family member is in pain, it affects all the members \u2013 like one bad bulb on the string of twinkle lights makes the whole strand go dark.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I made that connection when I plugged in the string of lights my Uncle Steve gifted me twenty years ago. They were gathered inside a rustic, woven basket he\u2019d made by hand. With its ginormous, colorful bulbs and sentimental value, it\u2019s one of my favorite holiday decorations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I excitedly plugged in the basket of lights, anticipating the feeling of joy it always brings when it comes to life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

there was nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the first time in twenty Decembers, the basket of lights did not glow.<\/p>\n\n\n

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After testing the strand in several sockets around the house, I faced the fact that they\u2019d never light up again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I refused to throw them away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Googled \u201cbad string of lights\u201d in hopes of finding a fix. The first paragraph of the how-to article<\/a> caught me off guard:\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cChristmas light strings are wired in series, which means that every light must be functioning in order for the string to be lit. When a blub burns out, it breaks the connection, and the whole string of lights goes dark.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh<\/em>. I thought. Maybe this isn\u2019t just about Christmas lights.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought about the light that went dark in my younger child, and the fact that our family didn\u2019t toss up our hands and believe the light would never shine again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We believed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, my belief presented itself prominently through protective measures, resource gathering, seeking professional guidance, and thinking\u2026 thinking\u2026 constantly thinking about her broken light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It consumed me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a few months of that, my mom made an observation that was hard to hear. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou know who I am most<\/em> worried about right now?\u201d Mom said solemnly over the phone. \u201cYou<\/em>, Rachel<\/em>. You are carrying so much of this heaviness, and I think you need to figure out a way to not let her <\/em>healing process consume you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Soul Shift journey has taught me that\u00a0healing truths<\/em>\u00a0often come in the form of\u00a0hard truths<\/em>\u00a0(if we choose to be honest with ourselves). I recognized my mom\u2019s statement as one such truth because it echoed an awareness I was already starting to have:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My own light was now in jeopardy; I needed to start plugging INTO restorative outlets instead of constantly and obsessively draining myself dry.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

By working on healing myself<\/em> through this crisis, I would be contributing to the healing process of my entire family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This concept is the very foundation of my Soul Shift journey<\/a>: When we cultivate harmony within ourselves, we cultivate an everlasting source of energy that creates healing ripples outward, into our families and communities.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because of the awareness I\u2019ve acquired over my decade-long journey, I was able to recognize I was reverting to a damaging default response: Trying to control things when I am anxious or scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Rachel,\u2019 <\/em>I said to myself, \u2018it is not up to you to recover the light in your child and in your family unit. Trust that as you process your pain in healthy ways, you will be better equipped to help your family process theirs when they are ready.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began making intentional efforts to plug into healthy outlets for a few minutes each day to calm and regulate my nervous system. With a bit of distance between my child\u2019s struggle and my own, I was able to see flickers of healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n