{"id":9625,"date":"2023-03-17T08:17:38","date_gmt":"2023-03-17T14:17:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9625"},"modified":"2023-03-17T08:58:54","modified_gmt":"2023-03-17T14:58:54","slug":"watch-what-happens-when-you-ask-a-weary-human-this-one-question","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2023\/03\/17\/watch-what-happens-when-you-ask-a-weary-human-this-one-question\/","title":{"rendered":"Watch What Happens When You Ask a Weary Human This One Question"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1872\" height=\"1330\" src=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9626\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267.jpg 1872w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267-845x600.jpg 845w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267-380x270.jpg 380w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267-768x546.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267-1536x1091.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1872px) 100vw, 1872px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve been chosen as a confidant to two friends on opposite sides of the country, both going through devastating circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>A complete upheaval of life as they knew it<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>A total obliteration of the future they once saw for themselves<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In one situation, the source of the pain is physical. In the other, it is emotional. But in both cases, the lines between physical and emotional pain blur, impacting the whole of their being, despite where the pain originated.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the worst part? They have to keep the pain of what\u2019s happening to themselves\u2026 at least for now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I know what it's like to go through something devastating that you can\u2019t talk about.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I know the one or two people who&nbsp;<strong><em>are<\/em><\/strong>&nbsp;chosen as confidants have been chosen with great care and trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The fact that I\u2019ve been chosen by these two friends is one I do not take lightly.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When my friends describe what they are going through, I don\u2019t pretend to know how they feel. Nobody&nbsp;<em>but them<\/em> understands what their situation&nbsp;<em>feels<\/em>&nbsp;like, so I listen and let them tell me what it\u2019s like.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The importance of listening cannot be understated<\/strong>.&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Listening allows a hurting person to process their feelings\u2026 to remember important facts that stress may have caused them to forget\u2026 to uncover answers inside themselves they didn\u2019t know were there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Listening to my friends process their experiences allows me to point out the protective, wise, healing things they are doing that they don\u2019t even realize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I find myself saying things like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><em>You were so smart to prepare by __________________.<\/em><br><em><br><\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><em>When you decided to continue participating in that activity you love, you prioritized your needs. What a loving act of self-care.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><em>What strikes me as I listen to you is your capableness AND your ability to know when to ask for help.&nbsp;<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><em>When you cope with the unexpected by ___________, you are providing a beautiful example for your kids.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><em>Did you notice how you are allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgement or shame?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul>\n<li><em>You listened to yourself and held that boundary! That is huge!<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I hadn\u2019t really thought about&nbsp;<em>why<\/em>&nbsp;these types of responses felt both connective and helpful until I saw <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=mHoTND6_nSg\">a video <\/a>of author Brian Fretwell sharing a powerful exchange he witnessed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brian\u2019s work in brain science leads him to&nbsp;bring people together to study the impact certain questions have on human connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the video, Brian describes how a group member had just finished telling everyone about a horrible situation they were going through, and nobody knew what to say.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAfter we asked,&nbsp;<em>how are you doing<\/em>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<em>do you need any help<\/em>, we all got quiet\u2026 until somebody leaned in and said, \u2018<em>In all of this that you are going through, what are you the proudest of doing<\/em>?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brian describes how the person began to recognize specific things she had done in the midst of the challenge. She became emotional, adding that it was the most helpful question she\u2019d ever been asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brian sums up the impact of the question by saying:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\u201cRecognizing what she\u2019d already done, made it easier to think about what she still had to do.\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>After watching the video, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about <em>The Question<\/em>. For one, it solidified the approach I was taking to support my friends. But also, I could see how that question could lift someone out of a spiral of self-sabotage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>During an emotional struggle, we are more susceptible to negative thoughts and damaging internal messages taking hold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I vividly remember the night our family crisis came to a head, and I grasped full understanding of how dire the situation was. Suddenly, the voice of my inner bully was louder than it had been in years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>This is your fault. How could you let this happen? You failed to protect her.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Although I\u2019d become quite capable at identifying my self-sabotaging thoughts and shifting to them to impartial and compassionate statements, in this situation, I knew I\u2019d need help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201c<em>Is this my fault<\/em>?\u201d I cried to my wise and empathetic friend, Shannon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\u201cRachel, you do not have superpowers; you couldn\u2019t have possibly seen this coming,\u201d Shannon assured. \u201cBut once you suspected something wasn\u2019t right, you listened to that feeling and acted. Rachel, you are here now, and your child knows you are not going anywhere. <em>That <\/em>is what matters.\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>It was through Shannon\u2019s words that I recognized I&nbsp;<em>had<\/em>&nbsp;done something right \u2013 and listening to my gut instinct was something I needed to keep doing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Through the months that followed, Shannon continued to be my chosen confidant. Talking to her allowed me to process information and gain clarity on difficult decisions. Shannon consistently reminded me to leave space, both in my healing process and in my book-writing process, an endeavor I was under contract to complete during this turbulent time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Last week, a box of the finished product arrived on my doorstep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI think it\u2019s your new book!\u201d Scott said excitedly, setting the heavy cardboard box on the dining room table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAren\u2019t you going to open it?\u201d he asked, as I stood there staring at it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI am not ready,\u201d I stated, not exactly sure why, but trusting I\u2019d know in time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over the next couple of days, I wondered.<em>&nbsp;Would it hurt to open the book? Would it feel like reliving the pain?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On the fourth day, Avery and I were home alone when I knew it was time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Avery gladly helped me open the box. She marveled at the book cover, the exquisite sketches inside, and the living map in the back of the book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1995\" src=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9632\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-scaled.jpeg 2560w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-770x600.jpeg 770w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-346x270.jpeg 346w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-768x598.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-1536x1197.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_6179-2048x1596.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>After taking some pictures, she went to do homework, leaving me with my book and the cat who never left my side while I wrote it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nestled between Banjo and couch pillows, I spent time with every page of the book. It was almost as if I was reading it for the very first time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The specific ways I\u2019d loved&nbsp;<br>listened&nbsp;<br>honored&nbsp;<br>and protected myself<br>were all there, speaking to me as if a friend was there beside me, pointing out my strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cLook what we did,\u201d I said to Banjo tearfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The shrewd look he gave me seemed to say, \u201c<em>Be for real, lady. You did all the work<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then ever so quietly, I heard myself speak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cI\u2019m proud of me.\u201d&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then, even louder,&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em>\u201cI\u2019m proud of me.\u201d<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Those words felt foreign to my lips; I don\u2019t think I\u2019d ever actually said them to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That is when I thought of <em>The Question<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em>In all of this that you have been through, what are you the proudest of doing?<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The question was now mine to answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">&#8220;<strong><em>I never gave up on her,<\/em><\/strong>\u201d I said to myself without hesitation.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>That is what my mom repeatedly pointed out to me throughout the crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But while holding my finished book in my hands, I knew I wasn\u2019t just referring my child; I was also referring to my inner Dreamer Girl. Since I was eight years old, my Dreamer knew there was a book inside me for weary humans questioning their ability to find their joy and inner peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And in time, they will fill the pages of <em>Soul Shift<\/em> with the most meaningful answers \u2013 the ones that comes from within.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9627\" width=\"623\" height=\"626\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-scaled.jpeg 2542w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-596x600.jpeg 596w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-268x270.jpeg 268w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-150x150.jpeg 150w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-1525x1536.jpeg 1525w, https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_5930-160x160.jpeg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 623px) 100vw, 623px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><span><i>Friends, we are just over ONE WEEK away from the release of <\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/soulshift\/\">SOUL SHIFT<i>: The Weary Human's Guide to Getting Unstuck & Reclaiming Your Path to Joy<\/i><\/a><i>. My beloved launch team has encouraged me to stress how important pre-orders are to helping our favorite authors and their books succeed.&nbsp;&nbsp;It also ensures you\u2019ll get your copy if the book goes out of stock, which tends to happen in the first week if pre-orders are low. To thank you, I\u2019ve created a beautiful pre-order bonus gift called the&nbsp;<\/i><a style=\"font-style: italic;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/soulshift\/\">Self-Compassion Starter Kit<\/a><i>, which helps you learn to identify self-sabotaging statements so you can shift to messages of self-compassion. I wrote and narrated the soothing audio series for you, which comes with a <\/i><a style=\"font-style: italic;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/Cpae3V-uJl6\/\">gorgeous affirmation poster<\/a><i> worthy of framing. There is just one week left to claim this bonus gift. Simply pre-order the book (in any format) from your favorite retailer and enter the receipt number in the form <\/i><a style=\"font-style: italic;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/soulshift\/\">on this page<\/a><i>. A list of retailers (domestic and international) can also be found there. Currently, there are still some <\/i><a style=\"font-style: italic;\" href=\"https:\/\/premierecollectibles.com\/soulshift\">signed copies<\/a><i> left.<\/i><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>BOOK TOUR NEWS<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It would be my greatest joy to celebrate SOUL SHIFT\u2019S entry into the world with you. Here\u2019s what has been planned so far:<br><br><strong>3\/28 Virtual Book Launch Party<\/strong>&nbsp;\u2013 This will be held on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheHandsFreeRevolution\">The Hands Free Revolution Facebook page<\/a> at 7pm Eastern.&nbsp;Those who order a signed copy from Premiere Collectibles can submit a question for Rachel to answer that night and will be entered in the drawing to receive one of Rachel's handmade care packages! <a href=\"https:\/\/premierecollectibles.com\/soulshift\">Click here<\/a> to pre-order your signed copy.&nbsp;<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>INDIANA<\/strong><br><strong><u>4\/13 The Power of a Friend In-Person Event<\/u>\u00a0<\/strong>at Maven Space in Indianapolis, Indiana from 6 to 8pm. Includes a meet & greet. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eventbrite.com\/e\/the-power-of-a-friend-in-person-podcast-event-tickets-568687789487\">Click here<\/a> for tickets.\u00a0<br><br><strong><u>4\/15 Book Signing\u00a0<\/u><\/strong>at the Shops at River Crossing in Indianapolis, IN from 2 to 4pm. <a href=\"https:\/\/stores.barnesandnoble.com\/event\/9780062154363-0\">Click here<\/a> for information.\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>ALABAMA<\/strong><br><strong>4\/22 Book Signing&nbsp;<\/strong>at the Little Professor in Homewood, AL from 3:30 to 5:30pm. <a href=\"https:\/\/littleprofessorbookshop.com\/pages\/events\">Click here<\/a> for information (coming soon).<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>GEORGIA<\/strong><br>4<strong>\/23 Book Signing&nbsp;<\/strong>at Fox Tale Bookshop in Woodstock, GA from 2 to 4pm. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.foxtalebookshoppe.com\/event\/rachel-macy-stafford-soul-shift\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.foxtalebookshoppe.com\/event\/rachel-macy-stafford-soul-shift\">Click here<\/a> for information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Thank you for all the love, encouragement, & support. I couldn't do this without you. <br><br>My hand in yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019ve been chosen as a confidant to two friends on opposite sides of the country, both going through devastating circumstances. A complete upheaval of life as they knew it A total obliteration of the future they once saw for themselves In one situation, the source of the pain is physical. In the other, it is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9626,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[32,1232,47,49,1765,1427,1850],"gutentor_comment":1,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/DSC_0267.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2vf","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9625"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9625"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9625\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9626"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9625"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9625"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9625"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}