{"id":9665,"date":"2023-08-04T06:55:04","date_gmt":"2023-08-04T12:55:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9665"},"modified":"2023-08-04T07:07:50","modified_gmt":"2023-08-04T13:07:50","slug":"how-a-wonder-window-became-my-calm-after-the-storm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2023\/08\/04\/how-a-wonder-window-became-my-calm-after-the-storm\/","title":{"rendered":"How a ‘Wonder Window’ Became My Calm After the Storm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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About the time my older daughter returned home from her year away at college, a Mourning Dove moved in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, actually it was two, a male and female, but it took me seeing them together in the nest to figure that out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The pair built their nest on top of a pillar underneath my front porch. Through my front window, I could see everything without disturbing them. Intrigued by the nesting habits of these graceful birds, I began researching all there was to know about Mourning Doves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where they got their name <\/em>(from their soft, sad-sounding coo\u2019s)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How they make their cooing sound <\/em>(they puff up their chest and send vibrations to their skin)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where they stockpile seeds for later digestion <\/em>(their crop)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The purpose of the whistle-like sound of their wings <\/em>(a warning to anything threatening their safety)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reason Mourning Doves are so successful at raising many broods of chicks <\/em>(the strong bond formed by the mating pair)<\/p>\n\n\n

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Throughout the month of May, I checked the nest first thing every morning and throughout the day, so I wouldn\u2019t miss a moment of this miraculous process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By early June, one squab (a baby Mourning Dove) appeared. Over a ten-day period, the hatchling grew quickly. By Day 14, he was ready to fledge. Through the front window, my daughters and I watched Eugene (named by Avery) take his first flight while his proud parents observed from a perch close by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Witnessing this entire lifecycle was miraculous and joyful, which perhaps is why the letdown was so hard. Out of habit, I found myself continually checking the nest. Seeing the empty nest saddened me. I felt a little lost without the birds\u2019 centering presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a bit of soul searching, I realized that without the birds as a distraction, I had to acknowledge this was my first \u201cstable\u201d summer since 2020. June 2020 marked the beginning of a three-year storm for our family. For some reason, the summer months during that period were the worst, often revealing just how much of the foundation been uprooted and left in disarray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What would Summer 2023 bring?<\/em> That was the question. Our four-member family had been separated for nine months due my older daughter attending college for the first time. In many ways, the space had given way for healing, maturity, and perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What would happen when we all were under one roof again<\/em>? I worried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my extensive research of Mourning Doves, I learned several theories about their symbolism. One popular belief is that a Mourning Dove is sent to you during a time of crisis. The explanation of this theory felt so comforting that I\u2019d written this down in my notebook:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Mourning Dove\u2019s presence brings a sense of optimism, encouraging us to embrace fresh starts and believe in the potential for renewal and positive change\u2026 they remind us of transforming and growing in ways that allow us to let go of the past.\u201d <\/em>(source<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although the doves were gone, the fact they\u2019d been there when my older daughter returned from college felt like something to hold on to.<\/p>\n\n\n

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***
On June 15, while unloading the dishwasher, I heard the unmistakable whistling sound of Mourning Dove wings. Could it be? Could they be back?<\/em> I wondered as I ran to the window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the opposite pillar to Nest One, the pair of doves were building Nest Two. One piece of pine straw at a time, the male dove brought building supplies to the female who used her beak to begin assembling the new nest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I pumped my fist and let out a (quiet) celebratory cheer. Having the birds \u201chome again\u201d felt like a good omen, and I vowed to relish every part of this miraculous process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Within a few days, the doves began taking turns sitting on the eggs in Nest 2.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was something that perplexed me though. Compared to the intricate construction of Nest One, Nest Two looked like a complete rush job. While one had tall, sturdy sides, the other had barely enough twigs to cushion the ledge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey Natalie and Avery,\u201d I called to my kids. \u201cWhat do you think about the difference in their two nests?\u201d I asked curiously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a moment of consideration, they agreed that the real question was: “Why didn\u2019t they just use the old nest?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After that not-so-helpful input, my daughters promptly went back to what they were doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ok<\/em>, I thought. So,<\/em> the novelty\u2019s worn off for everyone else, but maybe Bird Stalking Round 2 isn\u2019t for them\u2026 maybe it\u2019s for me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next to the window, I placed a little notebook and pencil. Tucked inside was an illustration by researcher Dr. LeAnn Renninger that I saw on Instagram<\/a>. It felt like the ideal theme for my annual summer social media break. It said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What if the antidote to exhaustion is not rest\u2026 it is the recultivation of wonder?<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n
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As someone who finds the concept of \u201crest\u201d difficult, I was excited about this idea of cultivating wonder to calm my nervous system, perhaps for the first time in a series of hard summers. And I had the perfect place to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each day, I sat at my Wonder Window taking notes of what transpired in and around that poorly constructed nest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The comings<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The goings<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The waiting<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The watching<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cleaning<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cooing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cuddling<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes I would feel so invested in these birds that fear crept in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if the eggs don\u2019t hatch?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if the parent falls prey to a wild animal?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if a baby falls from that flimsy nest?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoa\u2026. this is your Wonder Window not your Worry Window<\/em>, I\u2019d remind myself and take a deep breath.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes when I was sitting quietly beneath my Wonder Window, I could hear my daughters interacting in the kitchen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I noticed\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

new ways of connecting

new topics being broached

less animosity

more civility

a hint of rebuilding what had been lost in the storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I sensed an interaction going down a touchy path, I remained still, just like the mama bird.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wonder; don\u2019t worry.<\/em>
Wonder; don\u2019t worry.<\/em>
Wonder; don\u2019t worry.<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To wonder means to view something you've seen before in a completely different way. When we enter a state of wonder, an opening is created; a possibility arises for us to view the world differently and to come to a different understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the summer, that is what happened to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wondering about this bird family helped me wonder more about my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To see my children\u2019s relationship through new eyes and new ears helped me release the past, accept the messy present, and trust their rebuilding process.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The foundation won\u2019t look like it originally did, or how I might hope it to, but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s any less effective at nurturing what grows there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, two baby birds successfully fledged from that makeshift nest \u2013 one more than the last brood. The day before the fledglings left their nest, I found Natalie standing at the Wonder Window. I noticed she was studying the two nests, one on each pillar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cThey\u2019re going to run out of places to nest,\u201d she said with concern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t worry about that,\u201d I said, feeling more at peace than I had in what felt like a million summers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a wonder how love can rebuild with some time, patience, and a few straws of hope.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Dear friends, I currently have two opportunities for wonder, self-discovery, and community this fall:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n