Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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In Good Company

For the longest time I couldn’t decide if I should continue to write my Hands Free book privately or … [Read more...]

Filed Under: The Hands Free Revolution Tagged With: The Hands Free Revolution

Untapped Treasures

Last year, a few days after Christmas, I got a phone call I never wanted to receive. Occasionally, I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Memory Bank

The Way I See It

Before I began my Hands Free journey, I often noticed a woman at my daughter’s swim team practice.  … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Take Time to Say It Tagged With: Take Time to Say It

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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“When someone is in pain, they don’t need curi “When someone is in pain, they don’t need curiosity—they need presence.”

A reader pulled that line from my latest essay, saying it “vibrated with truth.”

She went on to reflect on how easily our good intentions can get tangled up with hidden needs—wanting to feel helpful, included, in the know, or in control.

We don’t mean to do it. But sometimes, our ego gets behind the wheel. And the person we’re trying to support can feel that.

This essay is about what it looks like to love someone without needing their story.

It happened to me... and as my youngest daughter prepares to graduate, I’m thinking about who carried us through and got us here.

Climb my treehouse ladder and read the full story. It’s not just about a graduation—it’s about true connection and the power of presence.

Comment KINDNESS and I will send you the link or click the link in my stories. 

Thank you for letting me know you’re here by dropping a heart in the comments.🩵

My hand in yours,
Rachel
My child is preparing to fly.
And suddenly, I’ My child is preparing to fly.
And suddenly, I’m remembering what I wrote 15 years ago…
Back when I thought I needed more time to do.
But now I know—I just need more time to be.

This is for those standing in that sacred space…
Between holding on and letting go. 💛

Swipe through to read “A Plea to Time”
from my book #handsfreemama and tag someone who understands this ache. 

My hand in yours,
Rachel
“Stop asking: Am I good enough? Ask only: Am I s “Stop asking: Am I good enough?
Ask only: Am I showing up with love?
Life is not a straight line—
it’s a downpour of gifts.
Please, hold out your hand.”

The first time I read these lines, they were quietly sitting in an email signature.

I don’t even remember why @juliamfehrenbacher had emailed me—only that her words were the missing piece in my decades-long, lonely search for worthiness.

I read those words over and over until, finally, I cried with relief.

When I wrote to Julia to share the impact her words had on me, it sparked a friendship that has lasted a decade.

Today, I feel it’s imperative that you, too, hold her words close.

She wrote them for us, and this is why:

“This hurting world does not need another hard, hurried, harried, busy, sick, tired, empty, overworked, overwhelmed, scrambling-for-worthiness human.
This hurting world needs you—
rested and full and open and healthy and soft and receptive,
overflowing with the REAL-est, TRUE-est version of yourself.” — JF

I believe she’s right. 
I believe it for me—and for you.
My hand in yours,
Rachel
At the last minute, I ran across the road so my da At the last minute, I ran across the road so my daughter could see me as she began the race—
a race that didn’t start the way it was supposed to.

Torrential rain, flooding, and high winds had already canceled the swim portion of the half Ironman. Now, 30 mph wind gusts added another layer of tension for the 2,000 participants.

Minutes earlier I watched as my daughter processed the race-day changes in real time—
6 months of training reconfigured in two minutes flat.

I reminded her of her strength and said,
“I’ll be here.”

Then I got into position at the starting line.

I share this picture of me waiting for her, hoping you see yourself in it:

the worry
the focus
the steadfast belief
the hope and anticipation

Because if you love—and I know you do—you know our beloveds look for us when going headfirst into uncharted territory...

to see their strength reflected back through our eyes
to see their triumph before it happens
to see our concern when they fall
to see our joy when they get back up

In other words, we’re a one-person parade for the people we love.

Why? 
Because we’re often the only ones who know the full story behind their why—
why they’re charging into the storm
why the dream matters
why giving up isn’t an option.

And unlike others, we don’t ask questions.
We just show up.

Because one-person parades don’t miss a moment.
Even if they have to stand in the rain.
There’s no give up in us.

My hand in yours,
Rachel
*Not Your Typical Mother’s Day Post* I’m thin *Not Your Typical Mother’s Day Post*

I’m thinking of you today—
The one who can’t voice what she truly wants.
The one who’s separated from what she needs.
The one who longs to be alone—and feels guilty for it.
The one who doubts her ability to mother.
The one who never got the chance.

I’m thinking of you—
The one who’d love to see her mom one last time.
And the one who wishes to be truly seen.
The one who tears up at the miracle of her children,
And the one who doubts her worthiness of their unfailing love.

The one who mothers everyone but herself.
The one who wishes she’d done things differently.
The one who whispers: How will I get through today?

Together—we will.
Because these not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feelings we are having today?
They don’t make us horrible; they make us human.

There’s an unspoken weight to this day.
I’m not going to let you carry it alone.

My hand in yours,
Rachel

🩵 If today feels difficult for you, know those feelings are valid - no matter the reason. Join me in filling the comment section of this post with love and support (emoji style) for one another.

#humanmoments #mothersday #allfeelingsarevalid #youarenotalone
I get lost easily.
I eat popcorn too fast.
I c I get lost easily.
I eat popcorn too fast.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
I need alone time every day.
I feel awkward approaching groups.
I get grouchy without enough sleep.
I can’t handle violent movies or graphic news.
I get controlling when I’m anxious.

For decades, I tried to change these things. But I couldn’t. It was useless.

I’ll never forget the day I breathed a deep sigh of relief when I finally told myself, “You still do that thing you do. And it’s not going to change today. It’s okay. You’re okay. Just be yourself.”

Letting go of the urge to “fix” or “improve” myself created space to simply be me. 

Suddenly, the very traits I once saw as weaknesses became threads in the fabric of who I am.

And then something beautiful happened: 
accepting myself without conditions made it easier to embrace my child’s natural inclinations.

The way she exhaled when I said, “Take your time”.
The way she craved silence in the mornings
The way she lingered in long goodbyes.

I realized the greatest gift I could give her was the same one I gave myself: the freedom to sigh with relief, knowing she didn’t need to change today—or ever.

Her quirks, rhythms, and way of being—they add color and texture to her unique, beautiful fabric. Just like mine. Just like yours.

Rachel 
📖 from #onlylovetoday
As a special education teacher, I helped parents m As a special education teacher, I helped parents make their homes a supportive space—so their kids didn’t feel like they were failing in the one place they should always feel accepted.
 
Here are 3️⃣ suggestions that apply to all ages, including our own inner child: 

1. Be aware of the confining boxes and damaging labels placed on your child and reframe them as strengths. For example:
 
• “Too sensitive” can become “deep feeler”
 
• “Unmotivated” can become “selective”
 
• “Too quiet” can become “introspective”
 
• “Distracted” can become “noticer”
 
2. Be aware of the messages YOU are sending. Do your kids know that they do not need to do anything, be anything, or change anything to be loved by you? Instead of assuming they know, make it a point to frequently say, “I love you exactly as you are. I love you because you are you.”
 
3. Be honest with yourself about who YOU are, embracing your humanness, and tending to the places in yourself where growth and healing are needed.
 
Leading and raising kids today requires more than modeling and imparting knowledge; it requires a whole new kind of self-awareness and communication.
 
I believe we are up for the task.🩷

My hand in yours,
Rachel

#acceptance #humanmoments #tellthemyoulovethem #reframing #specialeducationteacher #safeplace
Last Mother’s Day, I told my people what I wante Last Mother’s Day, I told my people what I wanted: a bird feeder.

This is new for me… this telling instead of hoping they’ll get it right and being disappointed when they don’t. 

Over the 12 months, this gift has brought me so much joy. It’s sparked my curiosity, delight, and wonder. And it’s helped me sit still more than I have in my adult life. 

To put it simply, this bird feeder is helping me find my way back to my inquisitive, nature-loving, comfortably clad, childlike self.

And the closer I get, the more I’m learning to trust myself in knowing how I want to celebrate moments when the spotlight is on me. 

In the past, I used to shy away from being celebrated; now I know I am worthy of shining.✨

I still get teary thinking about what Avery said when she saw the feeder hanging in the tree.

“I can’t think of a more perfect gift for you, Mom.”

I couldn’t speak for a moment.

All I could think was how many times I have chosen the perfect gift for someone else. To do so required noticing, caring, listening, honoring, and taking action.

I’d never done that for myself – but it wasn’t too late.

At age 52, I chose the perfect gift for myself. And the self-discovery process it has sparked might be even better than the gift itself.

My hand in yours,
Rachel 

💐 If you could celebrate your special day any way you want, how would you celebrate? 

#mothersday #humanments #selfreclamation #birdwatchers #selfadvocacy #youareworthy #nottoolate
There is hidden pain in high-celebration months.
 
May is one of them.
 
Milestone moments, Mother’s Day, ceremonies, and social gatherings can be incredibly hard if life doesn’t look the way you thought it would. 

In 2023, after getting to the other side of a two-year crisis, I made a promise to myself:

🩵That I wouldn’t forget the sting of seeing “milestone” reminders that only deepened my grief.

🩵That during these high-celebration months, I would offer a soft place to land for anyone quietly hurting on the outskirts.

Because the pain of “this isn’t how it’s supposed to be” often doesn’t have a place to go. It’s not something we can easily explain or even say out loud.

If that is you, I hope you can feel my hand.

Rachel

🌳 Much more on this topic in Rachel’s Treehouse – a quiet space where we nourish the roots of what matters most. Join us.

#may #grief #hiddenpain #disappointment #humanmoments

Rachel’s Treehouse on Substack

Rachel's Treehouse Cover

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