“It's what you've done with your time, how you've chosen to spend your days, and whom you've touched this year. That, to me, is the greatest measure of success.” ― R.J. Palacio, Wonder
First to get up.
Last to lie down.
First to believe.
Last to give up.
First to offer what you have.
Last to take what you deserve.
First to look on the bright side.
Last to throw in the towel.
First to defend.
Last to abandon.
First to worry.
Last to relax.
First to believe.
Last to doubt.
First to shield.
Last to endanger.
First to pick up the pieces.
Last to break down.
First to welcome.
Last to exclude.
Some people are first—first to arrive … first to speak up … first to finish.
Some people are last—last to leave … last to know … last to quit.
But there are very special individuals who
Knowingly
Voluntarily
Graciously
Fill the role of First and Last, with accomplishments that are quite remarkable.
Perhaps you know someone like this.
Perhaps you are someone like this.
But you’ve focused too much on the failings in between that you neglected to realize you are a First and Last Constant in someone’s life.
If so, please take the following words to heart. Accept them as your own. Let them soothe those painful days, months, or perhaps even years, of thinking that you are not enough.
Recognizing My Significance: A Personal Tribute
I am first, and I am last.
Suddenly all that messy stuff in between doesn’t matter so much.
I am the beginning, and I am the end.
I am the dawn, and I am the dusk.
I am the first responder, and I am the last survivor.
So today I shall stop focusing so much on the failings in between.
Because there is a human being who doesn’t have to wonder if he’ll wake up alone.
Because there is a human being who doesn’t have to shout to be heard.
Because there is a human being who doesn’t have to walk unaccompanied.
Because there is a human being who doesn’t have to comfort herself.
Because there is human being who doesn’t have to ask for love—it is just given. It is just given.
Because of me.
Because of me.
I am first, and I am last.
And today I realized how truly significant that is—how significant I am—in the life of another human being.
Today marks the end of my insignificance.
I am first, and I am last.
And that is cause for celebration.
***********************************************************
Friends of the Hands Free Revolution, thank you for being a community of Nurturers, Encouragers, Bad Dream Chasers, Second Chance Givers, Hand Holders, and Love Bestowers. You meet me here each week in an effort to live more and love more despite the distractions, pressures, and challenges of life. Sometimes we stumble; sometimes we fall flat on our faces–but we keep showing up. Today let us celebrate the mothering we do. Let us mother ourselves. Let us continue to mother each other. I am grateful for every single one of you and the way you encourage me. You are my writing fuel.
Beautiful. Just beautiful! … And very significant on this Mother’s Day!
Grateful for you, Brigitte, and your loving encouragement.
Thank you for this post, I really needed this. As a widowed mom to a 5 year old I have been doing my best since he was 2.
In the beginning I had myself convinced I would never be enough, that he would be better off without me. I thankfully knew better deep down and being the best mom I can be is what has driven me forward the last few years.
Finding your blog a year ago was a gift and proof that their is a better way than the superficial perfection but a to connect and guide this amazing little human.
Kimberly Cheyne
Thank you for being YOU. I find so much strength in your words this morning. I am grateful to have you walking beside me on this journey.
Thank you for this piece. Today more than ever I needed someone to remind me that I matter. That everyday what I do or say makes a difference in the lives of others especially my children. That today and this day forward I must choose to believe I am enough.
Oh Iris, thank you for sharing your beautiful heart. It makes me cry and brings me comfort. We all share the same insecurities and doubts, don’t we? We are not alone. We are not alone And because of that, there is hope. Thank you, my friend. YOU MATTER. You matter to me.
Thank you!! You always remind me of the good. And make me cry! Very happy tears!! Happy Mother’s Day to you and ALL the mamas.
With gratitude,
Bridget
Oh, YES. I love this. And that Wonder passage is just perfect. xoxox
Happy Mother’s Day Rachel!
Thanks for all your encouragement and insight through the years.
Many Blessings to you, your family and all your readers!
Namaste.
Thank you Rachel that is exactly what I needed today you are amazing with your words I look forward to every word of encouragement each week. Thank you and God Bless you. Happy Mothers day
Thank you for sharing this beautiful reminder of how important we are to those most important to us. First and last and thankful for it.
Thank you for mothering me, for encouraging me and for the positive impact you have had in my life. My inner critic is silent most days, yelling is no longer a regular occurrence and I love the mother I am to my two boys! You have helped me become this mother that I love and am proud of…Thank you for being brave enough to share your rawest emotions and purest love to the world. My husband also got my hint and purchased an OLNY LOVE TODAY bracelet for me this Mother’s Day. It feels perfect on my wrist. Sleeping in, two new journals, no grocery shopping and my bracelet: One of the best mom’s day EVER! Much Love and Hugs to you!!!
Thank you for your words today. They were much needed…and will help me make it to another day…
Thank you for the reminder Rachel. I am very hard on myself (perfectionistic personality), and I needed to hear this today. Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Thank you for sharing ever so openly the gift that you have been given…its likely watching a poignantly choreographed dance that only the Universe could’ve done in it’s full light and glory. It’s amazing to watch, to read. And it a light for many. Thank you Rachel.
Thank you Rachel, I have followed your blog for quite some time, and I am usually moved to tears every single time I read your posts, every single post has resonated with me, I have felt them deeply.
BUT today’s post burst straight into my heart. I have doubting myself and the value I bring to my family since I resigned from my well paying job 18 months ago to be a full time mom to my six year old daughter. It is the best decision I ever made and I don’t regret doing it for a second, I know it is one of my soul’s purposes to be with her. I am forever learning from her where I need to grow, to be more mindful, more conscious, more present.
But in too many ways I have been so very hard on myself for not earning any money. I had plans to earn a part time income but that has not realised yet. Just last week I did some serious soul searching around this issue and realised that I have to redefine my value and worth, not in monetary terms, but in who I am, my true worth, the value I bring to relationships, the significant difference I make in my family’s life.
I am grateful that you have listened to the voice in your heart, doing the work that comes from your heart, so that you can encourage and lift other mothers up when we need it the most.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, your heart, your struggles, your doubts, and your soul-searching questions, Sonja! I know I can relate to what you describe and I am sure it brings someone great comfort to know you feel like he or she does. I am so touched to know my post resonated deeply with you. That means so much to me! So glad you are here.
Thank you for that post. I really needed to hear/read that today!!!
Beautifully written.. this brought tears to my eyes. Even on those days where I feel like I didn’t do “enough” I know that I was significant in my child’s life. Thank you for your words.
Hi Rachel – I echo all of the comments made here – in the true sense of the word because I read your posts in Australia ! Your writing is like balm to a mother’s perfectionist/guilt ridden/ doubting soul. I send all my friends seeking calm and empowering words to your blog. Thank you from down under.
What a GIFT you are to me, Michelle! Thank you for encouraging me and supporting me in the most powerful way — by sharing my work. I am GRATEFUL!
Rachel,
I am not sure where to share this story with you, so I thought I would celebrate myself on your “End of Insignificance” post. I am seeing loud and clear that I am NOT insignificant to my daughters.
Although I have been an avid reader of your blog for about 18 months – the last 4 months I have really had to sharpen my ability to mother them with love through some rough times. I know I am doing the best I can, but I wasnt quite sure if the best I can do was still good enough for my girls. A few weeks ago I ordered an I CHOOSE LOVE bracelet for myself as a constant reminder that Love needs to be my first GO-TO response at all times. Both my daughters noticed this new bracelet and asked about it. I happily shared why I was wearing it. That was the last we talked about it until recently.
Two nights ago my oldest daughter said, “You do choose love. Even if you get mad – it is a love-mad. How do you do that?”
Last night my youngest daughter and I were snuggling in bed and she said – “Mommy, I love you so much. Even when you are mad. Wait, do you ever get mad?”
I wanted to share these comments with you because you, your blog, and your book, keep me on track regarding the kind of parent I want to be. It makes me smile from ear to ear knowing that even though our family is going through some of the roughest times we have ever had right now….all they see in their mom is consistent love.
THANK YOU!!!
Jenny
That is soooo beautiful Jenny! You’ve made my day by reading that and I can kind of relate … As long as we know we’re doing the best we can and that obviously shows … Thank you for sharing! All the best on your journey. XXX
I choose love
They say timing is everything. This post is exactly what I needed today. Thank you.
As mothers, we’re first to rise each morning and last to go to bed at night. Our job never ends which is why its the toughest. Thank God its also the most rewarding. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Yes indeed. This should not have come as an aha moment for me, but it sort of did. I am the first thing my husband and son see when they wake. And I am the last thing both of them see before they fall asleep. I hadn’t quite captured the significance of that until I read your post. Wow. I’ll have to contemplate that for awhile. Thanks for the thought-provoking posts! I always enjoy them!
This is just beautiful. You have a wonderful gift for words. Thank you for all your encouragement.
I came to your blog after reading your article ‘The Important Thing About Yelling’ .. twice. The first time I read it I was inspired and decided to work on my reflex response to yell when the I loose control. But as life would have it, I forgot about your article and yelled. Yelled at my little one who is barely two. It frightened him so much. I saw it in his eye…. the fear, the inability to process why mama is so unkind and scary, the forced smile to try and cover the uneasiness and uncertainty of the situation, the averted eye gaze because it was all too much for him. It made me so sick in the stomach to see what I have becomed and what I have done to our mother child relationship. I was guilt ridden.
I struggled to be a better mum since then. But it seemed the harder I tried the more I failed. That’s why I re read your article and blog and this post made me cry. Cry because im finding for some reason a release … All that messy stuff inbetween has gotten to me that I have forgotten that I am somebody’s first and last. I’ve mothered everything and everyone around me except me.
So thank you. Thank you for reminding me that there is hope, that little ones do forgive and that I need to forgive myself. Because my insignificance stops here.
Thank you.
Thank you for letting me know, Angeline. This truly means so much to me. I have created a list of resources and strategies for using a peaceful response in times of challenge that I have shared with many readers. If you would like this list, please feel free to email me at rachelstafford@handsfreemama.com. You will get an auto-response, but I will respond as soon as I can. There is so much hope, my friend. I see many positive changes in your future.
I really love this post. Thank you! A few weeks ago I was having a difficult time thinking positively about myself and came across this. It helped me to see things in a different light.
Thank you. This is beautiful, and is me 🙂
Rachel,
I knew that coming to your site was what i needed today. I will spend a few hours reading your words and focusing on the positive and maybe my body can start to heal.
Much love,
Jenny
This is one of my favorites. I could read it again and again.