Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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I See a Bright Spot

From the comments I am receiving from my readers, many of you are experiencing feelings of shock, … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Accent on the Positive Tagged With: Accent on the Positive

In Good Company

For the longest time I couldn’t decide if I should continue to write my Hands Free book privately or … [Read more...]

Filed Under: The Hands Free Revolution Tagged With: The Hands Free Revolution

Untapped Treasures

Last year, a few days after Christmas, I got a phone call I never wanted to receive. Occasionally, I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Memory Bank

The Way I See It

Before I began my Hands Free journey, I often noticed a woman at my daughter’s swim team practice.  … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Take Time to Say It Tagged With: Take Time to Say It

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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Live Love Now
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Each time we deny what we need hide who we are dis Each time we deny what we need
hide who we are
dismiss our feelings

to appease
accommodate
gain approval
or “belong”

we keep ourselves
from new experiences
a sense of worth
inner peace
and joy

We deny ourselves because we fear rejection,
so, we reject ourselves.

Again
and again
and again
we deny ourselves
of what we need to thrive.

And then one day, we realize…

trying to meet expectations outside our control (other people’s approval or opinions),
detaches us from the core of who we are.

And we are not willing to do that anymore. 

Using one self-honoring choice at a time, 
we begin the journey of self-acceptance and true self-worth.

When we encounter someone else’s 
resistance and disappointment 
along our path
(which we will),

let’s reach for this assurance in our pocket:
 
“Consistently rejecting my inherent self creates a wound far deeper, far more painful than the external rejection I received today.
 
I won’t always make self-honoring choices, but I am trying. Healing work like this takes time – and for the first time in a long while, I know I’m worthy of taking as much time as I need.”
 
By Rachel Macy Stafford, from my new book #soulshift 

❗️4 DAYS!! Friends, just 4 days left to pre-order my new book. Pre-orders help authors & secure your copy should stock run out (which tends to happen in the first week.) All pre-orders come with the bonus gift of my “Self-Compassion Starter Kit.” 

🎁 Pre-order & claim your gifts at link in bio. 

Image description in first comment
Making a commitment to touch base with my INNER wo Making a commitment to touch base with my INNER world before touching base with the OUTER world has impacted my life more than other daily practice.

Through it, I came to realize the world’s opinions and expectations are what MOST OFTEN mislead me from my true, authentic path and sabotage my joy.

The world with its tight, frantic, all-consuming fist DOES NOT know what is best for me, but my heart does… and your heart does too, my friends.

In this peaceful podcast episode, I talk to the delightful @jeannemariepaynel (known as ‘the fairy godmother of parenting') about the Practice of Presence from my new book, Soul Shift.

I hope you will find time to listen in the days ahead – in the meantime, here are 7 quotes from my interview that Jean-Marie said were definitely THINGS TO REMEMBER…

💡“The biggest preventer of having distractions take over our lives is to have boundaries.”

💡“If you make a commitment to check in with your inner world before you check in with the outer world, your day is going to be more meaningful.”

💡“There’s power in sitting with uncomfortable feelings and the truths that come up.”

💡“There’s no set right or wrong way to reclaim yourself and the joy within you. It’s your journey.”

💡“Perfection is not your friend.”

💡“Focus on all that you are, instead of what you’re not.”

💡“Tell perfection… you’re not needed here, I’m going to show up bravely, boldly, flawed and full of hope.” – Rachel Macy Stafford

❓Does one of those statements meet you right where you are today? I’d love to know!

🎙️To listen to my convo with Jeanne-Marie on @theartofparentingpodcast click link in bio. I appreciate you!
I was standing in my kitchen on March 1, 2019, won I was standing in my kitchen on March 1, 2019, wondering how I was going to get through a messy and uncomfortable struggle in my life when my husband sent me a song.

It was called, ‘Mess,’ by @noahkahanmusic & this is what I heard:

“I'll move back home forever, I'll feed the dogs & I'll put all my pieces back together where they belong, and I'll say, ‘I'm a mess, I'm a mess, oh God, I'm a mess.’”

“I’m a mess” was exactly how I felt, yet it never sounded so beautiful… so pleasing… so comforting.

As I listened to the song on repeat, my uncertainty was replaced with resolve: I wanted to help someone feel this kind of comfort – this unspoken acknowledgment that our messiest parts are not to be hidden, but instead, shared because they are what connect us.

It’s now March 22, 2023, and I think I’ve done it—at least that’s what I am hearing from early readers of my new book.

I nervously asked for people to join my book launch team a few weeks ago. 674 people showed up and are reading an early copy.

“Every. Single. Page. Speaks. To. Me. Directly,” one person wrote. “I feel your nurturing love popping through the pages, and I find comfort knowing that you are leading me down the path I literally need right now.”

I look at my current desk situation where I’ve been putting in long hours preparing for the release of Soul Shift.

It’s a mess… but there is love.

It’s in the candle and cards my friends sent to cheer me on.

It’s in the photo of my daughters and me playing in the ocean.

It’s in the scribbles on which I write my vulnerable thoughts, feelings, and words.

How grateful I am to know I don’t have to hide my mess anymore.

I am a human being who bares her scars… who knows healing happens in community… who knows life is not meant to be navigated alone.
 
Isn’t it when we open the doors to our messy lives and hearts that joy, laughter, and love can find their way in?
 
I think so.

“I’m a mess, too.”

Four words never sounded so beautiful.

RMS💕
In 2015, @doctorshefali, renowned educator and rev In 2015, @doctorshefali, renowned educator and revolutionary parenting expert, asked me to review her 'End Shame' video. What occurred was nothing short of an emotional breakthrough.

Two minutes into the video, Dr. Shefali spoke these words from a child’s point of view: “I came to you so you could honor my soul, nurture my worth, and preserve my spirit. Yet it is you who annihilates my very essence in the name of parenting, in the name of love, in the name of teaching.”

Although I’d made significant progress in regulating my emotions when my children made mistakes, Dr. Shefali’s video helped me realize I had more work to do—and it needed to come from within.

I decided it was time to do something I’d longed to do forever: lower the unreasonably high expectations I put on myself by coming to understand WHY I put excessive pressure on myself (and on the people I love). 

Dr. Shefali’s revolutionary work helped me recognize a deep desire to be someone my children turned to in times of trouble. Her work was a catalyst to acknowledge my own insecurities and fears… and begin to heal them.

Learning to accept my humanness opened the door for my children to be human with me. Being regarded as a relatable and trusted guide during their teenage years opened a door for many difficult conversations that I am grateful they didn’t have to navigate alone.
 
Today I pinch myself when I see Dr. Shefali’s endorsement on the cover of my new book, #soulshift, a journey that proves we need not know it all or control it all—we receive far more of what we all need when we partner, listen, learn, and grow.🌱💫❤️
This was a first — where I forgot we were reco This was a first — 

where I forgot we were recording a podcast.

We were just two parents supporting each other as we figure out to help our kids navigate their way safely and securely into purposeful lives.

Friends, honoring our children’s authentic self isn’t easy – and not everyone is going to understand our choices and decisions. But supporting our kids as they develop their internal compass means equipping them to build a meaningful life – one they don’t feel compelled to escape from or merely endure.

I hope you will find time to listen to this vulnerable and insightful conversation. I took the liberty of transcribing a section of our conversation someone might need to hear today:

RMS: I want to commend you for asking your daughter, ‘What do you need to thrive?’

You can hear me getting emotional because I know that a lot of our kids are struggling right now. The past couple years have been really hard.

One of the most empowering gifts we can give kids is the permission and space to show up exactly as they are, even if they don’t think ‘who they are’ is what the world wants to see.

So, when you ask your daughter what’s not working in her current situation, you are validating her feelings and encouraging her to keep listening to herself. In order to live authentically, we must be able to get in touch with our needs and advocate for them.

Although she is having a really hard time right now, she knows that with you, she can share her deepest, truest feelings. You are creating this space where your daughter knows, ‘I'm safe to be myself here.’

The significance of that cannot be underestimated. A lot of kids don't have a place like that.

Jen: Inner child work is becoming a big thing, and this is about being a little more in touch with how I would have wanted to be parented as a child. Thanks for that validation.

🎙️Click link in bio to listen to the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast episode with Jen Riday and RMS

📗Pre-order Soul Shift link in bio
At 9pm last night, I realized I forgot to pick up At 9pm last night, I realized I forgot to pick up a prescription for my daughter that was ready at the pharmacy.

Certainly not the end of the world, but when I was alone, I cried—

because she needed it

because I was frustrated with myself

And because the day before, I forgot something else I usually don’t forget, and now I can’t even remember what it was.

This is what stress does; it causes things to slip your mind.

Why? Because your brain is occupied by the more important task of surviving, not to mention supporting the people who are counting on you. 

When my daughter got home from swim team practice at 9:10pm, I met her at the door.

“I’m sorry I forgot,” I said.

Her face softened, “Don’t worry, Mom… I have an extra, just in case.”

And just when you think you can’t carry the weight of the world for one more second, someone comes and stands beside you, giving your tired arms a break. 

And when you see how proud she is to show you that she is prepared, you decide that maybe stumbling isn’t the worst thing after all.

I think one of the best song lyrics ever written is this: “Even the best fall down sometimes.” (Howie Day)

And I would also add:

Even the one who holds up the world needs a reprieve.

Even the one who doles out the love needs replenished.

Even the one who handles everything effortlessly must be handled with care.

Yes, even the best fall down sometimes.

My friends, let’s not berate ourselves for what we failed to do today. Instead, let’s allow ourselves to fall into the arms of grace.

If we don’t, how will we ever know who’s ready and waiting for the chance to catch us?

-Rachel Macy Stafford

I wrote those words three years ago, but today I dug them out because I needed them. I’ve been forgetting things lately, leaving loose ends that I normal tie up. I know it’s because I am in a very full season right now. I am determined not to make it heavier by carrying the extra weight of guilt. Setting it down tonight. There is room here for you to set yours down too. My hand in yours.

Image description in comments
March 19 is a Hard Date for me. I felt sadness in March 19 is a Hard Date for me.

I felt sadness in my body yesterday, but I didn’t make the day harder by judging my feelings or pressuring myself to ‘pull it together’.

Instead, I reminded myself of this loving truth:

“I am allowed to honor my grief and sadness when necessary.”

My friends, no matter how you’ve navigated life up to this point, today you can choose a new, loving response to pain and discomfort. It has been my joy to hear how my Self-Compassion Starter Kit is helping people learn what it looks and sounds like to act in loving ways towards yourself.

The kit is free when you pre-order my new book, #soulshift Offer ends in 1 week. Link to preorder and claim your gift in bio.

🗣️What people are saying about it:

“Rachel, I am listening to your compassion soundtrack intro right now, and it exactly describes how I feel about myself. I am frequently battling my inner critic telling me I am not enough and am aware that I often self- sabotage due to feeling unworthy. I am so glad I stumbled upon your page last summer. Keep on doing your wonderful work. It makes a difference to my life and I am sure many others too.”
SOUL SHIFT Permission Slips for a New Day: • Lo SOUL SHIFT Permission Slips for a New Day:

• Looking after yourself is not selfish, it’s vital to your existence.

• Taking something off your plate is not irresponsible, it’s knowing your limits.

• Cutting yourself slack is not silly, it’s how you stabilize shaky ground.

•  Replenishing yourself is not wasteful, it’s how you weather the storm.

Have you ever thought about it?

Each time you deny your needs to ‘keep the peace,’ you are severing the connection to peace within yourself.

Let’s not do that today.

Let’s remember:

You are worthy of making yourself a priority.

No matter how you lived or what you believed up to this point, it’s not too late to begin honoring the parts of yourself that have been silenced, denied, or neglected.

You are ready to start over and treat yourself better…

start here

start today

-Rachel Macy Stafford from #Soulshift 

🔸Friends, there is only 1 week left to pre-order my new book and receive my “Self-Compassion Starter Kit” bonus gift at no cost. Yesterday, an early reader posted this review about #soulshift:

“I've read many self-help books, books about neuroscience, books about no longer being motivated by shame or guilt. I've done worksheets, created mantras, and worn jewelry to help me pause before acting. Soul Shift is not another one of those things— Soul Shift is the next step. Soul Shift is the step that helps you recognize your inner self, helps you make peace with it, and teaches you how to be compassionate towards yourself. It is, quite simply, a shift of how YOU view YOU.” -D.P. 

📗 click link in bio for retailer links & pre-order bonus information
My earliest childhood memory is learning my fluffy My earliest childhood memory is learning my fluffy kitten, Butterball, wouldn’t be coming home from the vet.

Imagining life without him was more than my four-year-old heart could bear.

The only place I felt any semblance of peace was on my backyard swing.
There, I was held in rhythmic comfort—
the weight of my body suspended
the sun on my shoulders
the strength in my legs 
as I lifted towards the sky.
I hurt, but I was not alone.

The past twenty-two months of my life introduced me to a level of pain from which there is no peace.

And when you are not a child, but an adult with responsibilities and obligations, you must figure out a way to keep going.

One of my obligations was to complete a 65,000-word manuscript. There were many days when I looked at my daily writing goal and said, “I can’t do this.”

And for the first time in my eleven-year writing career, I didn’t bully myself into doing what my mind and body were telling me they could not do. I allowed myself to accept where I was.

“I can’t do this, TODAY… so, what CAN I do?”

On the days I could not string together coherent sentences, I used construction paper, sticky notes, and vibrant markers to document ideas & plan out pages.

My eleven-year-old cat, Banjo, was always there to supervise, never once chastising me for not being able to get dressed or brush my teeth.

As I navigated one of the most painful parenting experiences imaginable while writing a book, Self-Compassion showed up every single day in unexpected ways. I hurt, but I was not alone.

Last week, the finished copy of the book arrived.

“Look what we did,” I said to Banjo tearfully.

He gave me a look that clearly said, “Be for real, lady. You did all the work.”

Nestled between Banjo and couch pillows, I poured over every page & I felt proud.

This book is not what I expected it to be. It is better, because it has space for growth, grace, and goodness. There is even a swing.

The refuge of peace I knew as a child miraculously made its way into this book.
Self-Compassion can do miraculous things even – and especially – when we hurt.

You are not alone. My hand in yours. 🤝❤️
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