In this space I call “Hands Free Mama,” I write about letting go of distraction to grasp what really matters. In my life, distraction comes in two forms: external and internal. And although I began this journey to break free of technology’s grip on my life, I found that my inner critic was just as effective at robbing my “moments that matter” as my electronic devices. So in honor of Mother’s Day, I offer some healing words. It is my hope that something written in this post will quiet the inner critic living inside a woman you love. Perhaps that woman is you or the one who shares your life.
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For the woman who savors a backwards letter in childlike scrawl and secretly hopes “liberry” and “strawbabies” will never be pronounced correctly …
For the woman who crawls on achy knees into her child’s tiny bunk bed to read stories and inhale his just-bathed scent …
For the woman who would prefer a dandelion bouquet carried in a dirt-filled palm over a dozen red roses in a crystal vase …
For the woman who cries at the sight of her child and cannot explain why …
For the woman who feels her awkward bulges and morning breath slowly dissipate when a cherub voice says, “You’re so pretty, Mama” …
For the woman who is never at a loss for words when it comes to defending her child …
For the woman whose babies will never, ever become too heavy to carry …
If this sounds like you, keep reading.
This is not just for Mother’s Day; it is for every day. It is for those who are in pain. It is for those who are healed. It is for those who carry burden. It is for those who have offered a reprieve. It is for the sisters you love and the sisters you have never met. It is for your wife. It is for your girlfriend. It is for your daughter. It is for your dearest love. It is for anyone who has loved a child or cared for someone like a child. It is for anyone who is loved by a child.
This is for you.
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For once, may those laugh lines look beautiful in the sun. For once, may you allow yourself to come completely undone. For once, may you note that your hair has its perks. For once, may you feel like you’ve done enough work. For once, may you be bored with not a damn thing to do. For once, may you worry about no one but you. For once, may you feel like your best IS good enough. For once, may you know you don’t have to be so tough. For once, may you feel like there is only one place you need to be. For once, may your reflection hold the woman you’ve always wanted to see. For once, may you feel like you don’t need to defend, Your choices, your schedule, the emotions felt from within. For once, may you decide that you are a good mother, Breaking free from the guilt and shame that damage and smother. For once may you love yourself as much as they do, You know, the adoring eyes of your children staring back at you. Because it’s not the things you do, and it’s not the thing you say. It’s not about bending over backwards and going out of your way. It’s not about striving for fake perfection from head to toe. It’s not about making homemade bouquets and moist cookie dough. It’s about your love, bigger than a harvest moon. It’s about your love, always showing up and never leaving too soon. For once, may you feel the unconditional love you so freely give. For once, may you grasp the beautiful life you’re meant to live. And if you haven’t yet grasped it, Keep reading, Keep reading, Until it finally sinks in.***********************************************
If you received this message, it is because someone loves you and wants you to love you, too. Please help spread this message of self-love and acceptance by clicking “share.” Send it to the women in your life who matter to you.
**For anyone yearning to let go of distractions that are preventing you grasping the moments that matter, please join “The Hands Free Revolution.” Daily inspiration and hope is just waiting there for you.
I read to my five year old for the first time in weeks tonight. I also played outside with him and the five of us watched a tv show together. :). Thought you’d like to know that you have made a difference in our family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Rachel — this is absolutely beautiful! For once I would like my reflection to hold the woman I’ve always wanted to see — and wanted to be. I loved that line! Truly, truly a beautiful and heartfelt piece.
this is beautiful, i had tears in my eyes reading this.
Great — you’ve made me cry twice in two days, since I discovered your blog yesterday! LOL!!!
Your writing is incredible, your message is pure truth. You have already changed my and my family’s life so profoundly. Yesterday evening was proof of that, as I played with and read to my daughters and was 100% present.
I was already on a major transition path towards living a life in line with our family priorities, but now I have found my ‘role model’.
I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. You were my ‘angel’ yesterday, as you wrote about in another part of your blog.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🙂
Thank you, Kate. To read the impact of my message on you and your family’s life is truly a gift to me. Thank you for taking a precious moment to tell me. I am SO glad you have joined this journey to grasp what matters!
Thank you, Dawn, for letting me know. When I read your experiences, I envision smiling little faces–and that makes me smile. You have confirmed the reason I share my struggles and my triumphs on this journey. THANK YOU!
Thank you for the beautiful Mothers day message I’m glad I took time and reflected how you young mothers feel, also know it’s still like that for you when you are a grandmother.
How beautiful, Kathy. I am so glad you are here.
As my precious son would put it.. I “Lub” it! What a sweet poem!
Sweet!!! Thank you, Kelly. You made me smile!
Today I really needed these words…thank you for them.
I thank God for stumbling on your blog site. This is no accident. Thank you for reminding me what matters most.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart on all your beautiful words. They have really made an impact on my life and it’s so good to read that I am not the only one that has the same feelings that you write about. I too have 2 beautiful girls whonare in love with life (and God) and the last couple of years I have lost myself in distractions and feel so desperate that my children have gotten the repercussions of that. Thanks for all your words and reflections on what life IS all about, family!
I, too, cried as I read because so many of the statements screamed my name. I particularly appreciated the part about breaking free from guilt & shame & believing that I am a good mother. Like others posting before me, you are a wonderful inspiration & a gift to my life & that of my family. I found myself trying to simply be with my children & family more. But also appreciate the space to not always reach my expectations & know that I am still worthy of being “mom”.
Thank you, so much, for sharing with all of us.
Hi! I just stumbled upon your blog because a friend had shared your “How to Miss a Childhood” on Facebook. I read the post and then came to check out your blog and instantly fell in love with it. Your writing is beautiful and inspiring and I look forward to following it and your Hands Free philosophy. Thank you.
Your blog is an answer to prayer. These are exactly the words I’ve longed to say to my adult daughter, but communication between moms and daughters is often wrought with peril. So I’ve prayed that someone would come along and open her eyes to the reality of what she is giving up by being so connected to everything except what really matters. Thank you.
thankyou
I don’t have words for this. Except, I do…thank you. This is beautiful.
When I read something REALLY special, I tape it in the inside of my cupboard, so that whenever I put something away or pull something out, I can read it as a reminder of my blessings. This one is going in that special place.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Wow. You have made my day. THANK YOU!
My Mom died June 7, 1989 lung cancer I love her very much, she my best friend than I loss cousin July21,1989 very close she was 40 yrs.old
My heart goes out to you, Sandra. Thank you for sharing. God bless.
Wow! No comments on this post yet?! I find that hard to believe. I loved it. I am so proud to say that I am that woman in all of those scenarios. Happy Mother’s Day, Rachel. xoxo
Beautiful! Simply BEAUTIFUL!
The other day my 4-year old son was playing with his friends outside of school, when he all of a sudden came running over to me with a dandelion he had picked for me. It was the best single flower I ever received. It’s those moments…LOVE LOVE LOVE them.
Thank you. I was sad the day “bumbleflies” was self-corrected to “butterflies.”
Rachel, never forget that you are changing lives, breaking down barriers and bringing love and hope to children everywhere. Happy Mother’s Day to you and your lovely family.
Hi Rachel,
Motherhood is pure joy and bliss in the childhood years. The tween and teen years, become a challenge for many. And these once adorable kids will put your patience to every teen test. Your blog posts tick like a clock in my head that reminds me never to let the challenging moments slip into battle mode. The big lesson you bring to my journey is to always stay connected. Thank you for giving mothers a shoulder to lean on. Happy Mothers Day.
Thank you, Muriel. You always have the words that lift me and touch my heart.
Thank you for these words of encouragement. I am a new mom of a beautiful 6 month old baby girl and just love what you have reminded me of and what is important. I could not agree with your thought process more and believe it is common sense; throw out the ipads, ipods, handheld gaming devices, shut the laptop off, turn your cable off for the summer, join a kid friendly book club, and SPEND time with your children…its so simple. Just do it. I am excited to see what the future holds for my little family. Thank you again!
Thank you for the lovely message, Brenda. Congratulations on your beautiful baby! You have given me a gift knowing that something I wrote has touched you. Your baby is very blessed to have such a committed and loving mom.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You caught my eye with the line about a child never being too big to carry: my nine year old is all coltish limbs, but I adore scooping her up, even if it’s just for a few seconds. Tonight I’ll sit down with her and talk about your post, and we’ll come up with our own version of your contract, and I can’t wait. At nine, she’s not too old for this….and she’s wiser than I am, and will make me stick to it! It seems like we could make this kind of list once every season for the rest of our lives…..and that maybe I’ll do just that. Thank you for being an inspiration, and for inspiring me to bring out the best of myself as a mom. I am grateful!
Thank you, PollyAnna! You have a wonderful idea here …. “make this kind of list once every season for the rest of our lives” … that is brilliant! YOU have inspired me, too! THANK YOU for being here!
What a nice thing to say – thanks! I’ll look forward to your future posts about seasonal contracts, then. 🙂 I think I’ll even post my own to my blog, as that will help me with my own accountability. I love it!
thank you….i needed this…:)
yep you read right, Koolnanny, my Grand children gave me that. I see so many Mommys talking to an object and not the child,. Mommy if its important , ok, but could it wait a while ?, look what the child is doing, watch them, smile at them, say hey .! that was great,,! Time out Mommy…. give them YOUR time, before someone else does, not fussing here, just sending out a bit of a wake up call…
My son Bobby 44 find out this week he has rare type lung cancer like he had rare type throat cancer 2011 pray for him he believe in God he in good spirit