On Sunday I woke up with the feeling of angst. Monday was the day I was going to my urologist’s office to learn the findings of my recent CT scan. I’d done a really good job of not thinking about this day over the Thanksgiving holiday. But on Sunday morning I could not keep the anxiety at bay. I kept envisioning what the doctor would probably say.
I’m sorry, but we didn’t see anything.
Because those are the words I’ve been hearing for many months now from several doctors despite many tests.
I decided that preparing myself for no answers would be the best route. At least I won’t be any worse off when I come out of the office than going in; I told my shaky heart over and over.
But uncertainty is hard. Uncertainty is uncomfortable—especially when you are one who likes to know, plan, and prepare.
I went to my paper calendar and reviewed the week’s appointments and events. My twelve-year-old daughter walked up and lovingly leaned against me. “Tomorrow you go to the doctor, Mama,” Natalie said knowing this was an important day. “What’s he going to say?”
“Well, he will tell me the results of my CT scan, and then we’ll go from there,” I explained, not really knowing what else to say.
“I know what we can do,” she said suddenly. “Let’s make your famous sugar cookies today!”
I wasn’t sure where that idea came from, and I wasn’t too hip about the mess we were about to make, but I felt strongly I should say yes. I pulled out my trusty Betty Crocker cookbook and opened right to the sugar cookie recipe. It’s the page hardened with spills and dusted with flour, so it’s easy to find. This sight alone brought me a glimmer of peace.
When my younger daughter Avery heard us getting out the mixer, she came to help. Pretty soon we were rolling dough side-by-side like we did when they were little.
Once the cookies were in the oven, Natalie worried that they’d spread into each other while they baked. I assured her they wouldn’t. I knew they’d rise, but wouldn’t spread. I’d been making them for several decades.
During that time together, we decorated, sampled, and laughed. The girls even helped me clean up the kitchen, indicating they really are growing up.
The rest of the day took a positive slant from then on. I put a few of the cookies in the freezer for my dad because they are his favorite. Avery wrote a song and played it for me. (I proudly concluded that if Ed Shereen wrote worship music when he was nine, it would sound like this.) I took a walk and listened to my favorite album, August and Everything After by the Counting Crows. It’s soothing to the soul when you know all the lyrics by heart.
At bedtime Natalie whispered, “Thanks for making cookies today, Mama. It was so fun.”
I thanked her for asking and said, “I’m not sure why, but cookie baking made the whole day profoundly better.”
I slept unexpectedly well that night. But by the time I got into the doctor’s office, anxiety was back on high alert. Although I was prepared to hear the doctor to say, “We see nothing,” I knew those words would be very hard to hear. Tears teetered on the edge of my eyes. I hoped I wouldn’t cry. I held my own hand when the doctor sat down on the stool in front of me. What he said was not what I had expected.
“You are a medical mystery.”
He got out a medical picture book and began pointing to the illustrations. “There is definitely something amiss,” he said as he pointed to an enlarged left ureter. But the cause for my condition (hydronephrosis) could not be detected on the CT scan.
“You’re a medical mystery,” he said again. “And that’s not a good thing.”
The doctor began talking about a surgical procedure he’d perform to relieve the condition and find the possible cause. Not knowing how I was supposed to feel about all this, I took notes and asked him to spell words I did not know. Anesthesia and operating rooms make my teeth chatter, this was what I knew.
As the sun began to set later that night, I called out to Avery who’d just finished practicing her guitar. “It’s beginning to get dark,” I said, “Let’s take a walk around the block. Many of the neighbors put up Christmas lights over the weekend.”
Without protest, Avery slipped on her shoes and we headed down the driveway. She began chattering about her upcoming school play and what part she wished she’d gotten. About five minutes into the walk she stopped suddenly and said, “Smell, Mama. It’s the scent you love.” Pointing to the brown house she explained, “They’re doing laundry, remember?”
Tears sprang to my eyes.
Throughout the month of October we’d taken walks to look at Halloween lights. When we got to a certain point on our walk, I’d always comment on the smell of fresh laundry drifting through the air.
“It’s definitely coming from Luke’s house,” she said. “Luke smells good every day in class,” she confirmed.
I put my hand over my mouth for fear I’d burst into tears right then and there.
I am a medical mystery. I face a medical mystery. But there is beautiful evidence of LIFE to cling to in this time of uncertainty.
Cookies will rise … my dad will be pleased I saved him a couple of frosted angels … my child will taste the icing again and again … the Counting Crows will soothe my weary soul … my little songbird will keep writing her songs … that sweet family will do their Downy fresh laundry, and Luke will smell good when he sits in class.
No matter what mysteries we face today, there are clues all around us indicating hope is near … goodness is abundant … and we are being held in loving, faithful hands.
My friends, whether we are facing small mysteries or gigantic ones … whether they’re mysteries for ourselves, our loved ones, or the world in its most troubling state, I am certain this is how we must deal. We must:
Carry on
Bake on
Sing on
Decorate on
Strum on
Praise on
Pray on
Dance on
Love on
Believe on
Twinkle on
Inhale on
Exhale on
Because when we do, our people are thankful we joined in.
Because when we do, we see, taste, and smell beautiful things we might have missed.
Because when we do, angst diminishes and hope swells.
Because when we do, the beautiful Evidence of Life becomes stronger than any troubling mystery we face.
I am a medical mystery. I face a medical mystery. But nothing will stop me from carrying on. Please join me, friends. Let’s carry on. Together, hope swells higher.
*************************************************
Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution, I am so grateful for your supportive comments, prayers, and well wishes. Last week when one of you wrote on the Facebook page, “I will give you my kidney,” I cried. Your support and love has been the beautiful evidence, the warm blanket, the lifeline to carry me through. My surgery is taking place on Monday (12/7) so I will be taking some time to recover and heal. I will have my Tiny Topics notebook handy to jot down anything that might help us all live better and love more in the new year. Thank you so much for keeping my books, HANDS FREE LIFE and HANDS FREE MAMA, in mind as you purchase holiday gifts! Please enjoy 30% off all items in the Hands Free Shop through December 6 with the code: MERRY30. The stylish vintage tee’s have been reduced to $10.
Final note – Although I prefer to share my messages through the written word, I have been told my voice is calming and mesmerizing. I heard a little of that here in this enjoyable television interview that recently aired on 100 Huntley Street in Canada. Enjoy!
I am so grateful for every single one of you!
Dearest Rachel,
You’ve got thousands of people holding your virtual hand, today, this weekend, and throughout your surgery and recovery. I’m sending lots of love.
Thanks to you, I went to get a mole checked out. It is cancer, though thankfully not melanoma, so I will be getting an unexpected free face lift, probably about the same time you’re in surgery on Monday. I will be thinking of you, and hopefully we can be brave together. I’m scared, too, but somehow, knowing that I want to be sending you lots of well-wishes, helps me feel stronger.
Please let us all wrap you in love!
Oh Kathy! You don’t know how much this means to me! Each time I share my medical issues it is my hope that someone takes care of him or herself because of my story. You have given me such a gift! Thank you for this lovely message of support — we will be in this together! Sending positive thoughts and prayers of peace your way today and on Monday.
Rachel, I told my nurse that I was nervous, and she put her hands on my shoulders. Once I was lying down, she got me a warm blanket. I nearly cried thinking about you. I hope everything has gone well today, I hope you get some answers, and I’ve been thinking about you all day. Lots of love!
Rachel, I really hope you get the answers you want to hear from the doctors soon and that your health improves as well. I’m sending love your way xxx
Prayers for answers as a result of your surgery but more importantly, prayers for strength and comfort for you and your family and for the gift of peace that passes all understanding. Your words, since I have begun following you, have meant so much to me and those that I share your posts with. We will miss your insights and wise words while you heal and look forward to hearing from you again when the time is right.
It’s so hard to move forward when we don’t know, when things are a mystery. Your determination to carry on and call to others to follow is inspiring.
P.S. Big fan of Counting Crows also. I saw them on tour for August and Everything After. When Dec. 1 came, I made sure to play Long December.
So grateful for you! Needed this today and so much appreciate you and your words! Will miss you but be thinking of you as you get through this time of becoming a medical hero vs. a medical mystery:)
Thank you! I needed to hear this, I have been wallowing in self pity over my families unknown future after being affected by layoffs. I went to bed last night not interested in getting up but ended up being up all night with all of my children for one reason or another and by morning I realized, we will move on, it will get better. My children need me to stay focused on the positive. Thank you for reminding me that everyone out there is facing uncertainty and we will all be okay if we remember to be positive!
Oh Rachel. My thoughts, prayers, hugs and love are being sent from my family to yours today. This is such a hard place to be in, you are such a wise brave woman and momma though, you amaze me. These past two weeks have been trying here too, and I too, made a decision to dance and sing on with my littles, just to get thru some of the days. And oh how music has soothed me lately too.
I will be thinking and praying for you Monday, things will be ok, uncertain but you are strong. You have given me strength in your writings daily, I hope we can do the same for you. Hugs. love and peace sent from WI.
Rachel, I haven’t been on here for a while as I’ve been trying to get my priorities right and just getting my life sorted, which is mostly trying to get computer admin done and on top of work when my little girl sleeps and spending more time with her when it matters – you’ve taught me that. And what a reminder this is to keep doing that. I haven’t been deleting your posts though. I’ve been storing them to read when I have a moment to do so as you would have to be one of my top bloggers to come to. Anyhow, enough of me … What this is about is you. You have been a tower of support to others and all I want to do is thank you for that. Now it is OUR turn to be a tower of support for you. You are truly loved by so many by all the love you pour out. I hope (and I’m sure) you know that. Bless your beautiful heart. God bless your soul! All the best with your surgery and know the energy coming your way is from all the people you have sent love to in your life. Beautiful soul you are. XXXX
My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweet lady. Mysteries are wondrous, frightening things…but you have angels surrounding you, seen and unseen ~ we’re all with you, dear one…every single one of us whom you’ve touched!
Rachel,
Please know that in this time of uncertainty, you can count on our prayers and well wishes – you are such a blessing, a source of support, positivity, and strength for all of us, and now it’s time that we return the kindness. I pray with all of my heart that the surgery provides the keys to helping the doctors move forward with a plan for treatment and that your road to recovery is just around the corner.
You are loved.
So grateful for your sharing. I am blessed by your gift of words. Thank you for reaching deep into your soul and somehow touching mine too in the process.
Speedy recovery to you and God bless.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you for your words. They made me cry today – for you and what you’re going through medically; for the hope and love that you exhibit; and for my own struggles and desire to be better and live better – with more love, more hope and more happiness. Thank you for always opening my eyes to the opportunity to be a better mom!
Sending my well-wishes to you, Rachel. You’ve touched so many, for so long, and we’ve all received so much from you. It is our turn now! Sending many thoughts and healing energy your way!
Your beautiful soul shines through in your writings and always leaves my heart touched and my cheeks wet with tears. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Take care of yourself. Always!
I can’t give you a kidney but I am stopping right now and sending you love. You who has shared so much loving thoughts with so many.
I had my own medical mystery some years back. Going in and having a smart dic take a look was the best thing. Real eyes on real flesh told the story no CAT scan, bone scan, no MRI could see. It will be better. You will know things you didn’t know. Whatever it is or isn’t, you can handle it.
Oh dear Rachel –
I’ve never laid eyes on you in person, but your words speak to my soul. You are in my thoughts and prayers for some relief and some answer – in the meantime, keep on baking and keeping on with your littles. Those girls breath life into the darkest of moments and you are totally soaking their precious time up. That is a gift of insight that few have and many struggle to grasp so readily.
Much love –
Tristan
Rachel, you have so many people behind you, including me. I rely on your wonderful words of wisdom to help keep me grounded as I journey through this life (sometimes inpatiently!). May our collective thoughts and prayers be a comfort to you in return as you solve your medical mystery. And by the way, August and Everything After is hands-down my favorite album, so I feel even more cosmically connected. All the best for a peaceful, joyous holiday season 🙂
Dear Sweet Rachel, Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Things will get better. You are a strong woman. I love your outlook and your words of wisdom that you share so openly, even when there is so much going on in your life. Thank you. Your writing always touches my heart and my soul. Somehow you manage to write the words I need to hear.
Carry on.
P.S. I loved reading about your cookie story.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know firsthand how unfair it seems to have this type of issue, particularly when your children are still young and need you very much. I’ll be praying for you through the weekend and on Monday. That the surgery would go well. That the doctor would find the cause. And, mostly, that your heart would be at peace throughout the process.
Rachel,
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your words continue to provide peace to a soul in need. Early this summer I commented on a post mentioning that my husband and I were struggling with infertility. As the Lord would graciously have it, a few months ago we found out we are expecting! Our hearts could burst!
However, the past few days have been filled with uncertainty, misgiving, and concern. An appointment has been set up with the doctor for early next week to evaluate the state of the baby.
Your words reiterate 1 John 4:18 which says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear”. As we choose to cherish the blessings and love that DOES surround us, fear loses its position as first in command as goodness takes its place.
Praying diligently for you and each member of your family.
Much Love,
Elizabeth
Thank you,dear Elizabeth, for providing this most blessed update, as well as your comforting words. I truly hope all is well with your baby and I will pray that it is so. Will you touch base with me and let me know when you are able? I will be thinking of you next week. Holding your hand from afar.
Absolutely. I am so touched by your kindness.
From one medical mystery to another, hold strong. Some days seem incredibly bleak, while others are so brimming with life I have to shade my eyes. I have been in the “medical mystery” column for the last 20 months. Multiple surgeries, unexpected time away from my child, and an amazing amount of beautiful angels in my life have all helped me make it through. The Drs have given up trying to figure me out, but for right now, I am safe, almost pain free and loved, what more could a girl ask for. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family. Hold tight!
Sending you my thoughts and wishes Rachel. I have been reading and sharing your posts for some time now and your wisdom and strength has been so important in my last couple of years. I have not written before today as I constantly am challenged by the work life balance and being the best mum I can be. You have helped me more than I can tell you. I am more mindful than I have ever been about cherishing every minute I can with my children and husband.
I’ve even been playing Uno & card games with my 7 year old at 6 am in the morning instead of working with her lying beside me. Tonight I was exhausted after a huge week and expressed my disappointment to my husband poorly but quickly apologised and acknowledged my behaviour. Your wisdom has created this mindfulness and want to be present and enjoy my family rather than rushing, yelling and constant disappointment and sadness.
Thank you for all that you do!
Thank you for being so real, so wise and so supportive to so many. We are here for you and if there is anything we can do, please let me know. But don’t forget to ask for help from your immediate circle – I know they’d do anything they can to help you recover in a heartbeat.
Good luck on Monday, my thoughts are with you.
Sally (Sydney, Australia)
Everything Sally said!
Dear Rachel, please let the love we feel for you fill your body, every space of it, with light, love, illumination. Let it radiate to every unseen corner. We are here, we are your strength and connection to the energy that comes from those who love you.
One of the things you’ve taught me through your books and blogs is that great stories happen to those who can tell them. Thank you for sharing the story of your life with us! Right now, things may be scary and uncertain but you are touching lives with this part of your story too and how you respond to such uncertainty with wisdom. As you go though this part of your story, you inspire us! Sending love and prayers for strength and peace for you and your family! Your story is great! Thank you for sharing it!
First off my prayers are strong for you that you will find an answer to your “mystery” soon. Secondly, I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart bc like you, I’m in the middle of a medical mystery over the past month and a half and it’s been YOUR strength and vision that has been helping me through it. I’m a mom of 3 little girls and every time I want to run, hide or lose it I run to your blog to put “life” in to perspective and I’m so grateful for your words. I don’t get it right all the timebut I’m learning all thanks to you! With sincere gratitude- sue
Dear Rachel, I loved your post today as it seemed so true for my circumstances and the way I’m feeling today. My grand mother means the world to me and she too is going for a difficult surgery on Monday. As I wait to catch a flight to be with her, I can relate to every word u wrote.
May Allah give us all the strength to carry on patiently for glad tidings are for those who are patient and grateful. And isn’t it the very essence of gratitude to enjoy the blessings we have all around us even if we are facing challenges in other areas of our life.
Thank you for your inspiring posts.
All the best for your surgery.
Lots of hugs
Thank you, Hafsa. I hope & pray your grandmother has a successful surgery and many long, prosperous years ahead. How wonderful of you to go be by her side. I can only imagine what you presence and love will do for her soul and her healing. Blessings, Rachel
When we look up in surrender with arms wide open His light is most able to reach us see us touch us warm us and build us. What a precious precipice.
I love this post! I have faced anxiety in times like this, thinking of you in prayer. God is in control 🙂
Hugs, thoughts, and prayers coming your way! Your girls … they are the sweetest! I love it when my kids point out our favorite smells of the season when we are on walks. 🙂
You are an inspiration. I pray to God that He has you completely in His hands and I know He does already.
I don’t have many words to leave you with because the tears are dripping onto my keyboard. I’ll be keeping you and your loved ones in my prayers as you all navigate these next steps. May the Peace of God be with you. <3
Nothing is unknown or mysterious to our wonderful Lord and Savior. May God richly bless you, keep you and give you peace in the days ahead knowing that He is in complete control. Your name is written on the palm of His hand and you are in His heart. Prayers and blessings for outcomes even better than anyone could expect or imagine. You are loved.
Rachel,
Your post made me cry today, and that’s OK. Too many times I hold it all in and it feels good to let it out. You see, I too am a medical mystery. I have a chronic condition called gastroparesis where my stomach doesn’t function normally and my stomach hurts and I am nauseous all the time, and no one knows why. I have lost friends because they don’t understand the person I am now is different that who I was before my diagnosis, and my loved ones suffer from the on-going pain I feel. Every day I struggle to still have a life that is good, meaningful, and beautiful with my husband and daughters all the while dealing with my illness. You have been a God send to me during this time in my life. Your words are like a balm for my soul and I cherish each and every post, and this one in particular since the issue is so close to my heart. I will be sending you all the love and healing thoughts I have as you go through this next step in your ordeal. I will be holding your hand from afar. – Stacey
Sending love, strength and healing thoughts your way. Thankful as always for your words that offer a beacon of light for so many of us.
Rachel, I just said to my wife, “this woman is amazing”! And I mean it. I’m sure you have your bad days like all the rest of us but your good days are such an inspiration and I’m so glad you choose to share them with us. God bless you Rachel.
Love, strength, courage and health to you, Rachel. You spread all those qualities so generously among all your readers… and we will all be thinking of you on Dec 7th, for a speedy recovery and for a mystery resolved. Thank you for your beautiful writing and for sharing your soul.
Good Luck Rachel, our thoughts and prayers are with you and may the words that you have given us to make our days better surround you with peace in the upcoming days.
God Bless.
I have been a loyal follower for quite sometime. I find that I take something away with every one of your posts, but this one has truly resonated with me. I struggle daily with insomnia due to a thyroid condition. While it’s not life threatening it certainly challenges me especially with 2 young children and I find it difficult to live each day. Tears streamed down my face reading this post today. I’m hopeful that your message will be a constant reminder for me to carry on.
Rachel, you have such a way with words. Reading this made me tear up, as most of your posts do. I have faith that someone will uncover your medical mystery and you will have more answers than questions. I will be praying for you, the doctors and nurses who will be with you on Monday. You will most definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. I’m also glad to know that I’m not the only one who likes the smell of laundry coming out of someone’s house 🙂 Much love to you!! Thank you for all your words you write. You make a difference.
Praying for peace and answers and healing for you and writing to say thank you for your messages. I frequently print them out and tape them I side my cabinets! You are a blessing he to me:)
Well, this really made me smile! I love the picture this makes in my mind. Thank you so much for blessing me!
Although I don’t often comment, I always read your blog and it often brings me to tears and helps me to better center my priorities. I wanted to tell you that I will be praying for your surgery. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. <3
Thank you, Staci! I am so glad you let me know you are here. I cherish your words, your presence, and your prayers.
This brought tears to my eyes. I am experiencing my own health uncertainties right now, but this reminded me that I still can show up and find joy. Just because I don’t know what my future will hold doesn’t mean that I should stop living my present. Thank you.
Please tell Avery that her songs are lovely! She reminds me of the second half of this Roald Dahl passage from his book entitled: The Twits (the part about the sunbeams.)
*If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.*
*A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.*
Her joy shines like sunbeams. My son, Ian, has happy, joyful eyes when he smiles too. He’s three and enjoys art.
Thanks so much for your Hands Free books and blog. Your perspective, along with my quiet times, have really helped me put boundaries around my work and focus on what’s most important. It’s a journey.
You’re in my thoughts with your medical procedures, and I hope you have a good Christmas.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to Avery and see her sunbeams. That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read and I cannot wait to read it to her. You have blessed us. Please give Ian a hug from us. I love joyful eyes so much.
I can totally relate to the idea of carrying on. We faced a medical scare a month ago with my boyfriend. Having lost my husband to cancer a couple of years ago this scare was almost more than I could deal with. I just wanted to crawl into bed and make the world go away. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be with small children. Mine are grown and out of the house. All that I could do was put one foot in front of the other every morning and pray that everything would turn out okay. It did turn out okay – thank God. Carry on!!!
Hang in there, Rachel! You’ve contributed so much wisdom and positive energy to your readers. And now, in the face of your medical uncertainty, we have the opportunity to give that gift back to you in return. Know that your community will be thinking of you, praying for you, sending you remote hugs and good wishes on the 7th and during your recovery. Here are my Christmas wishes for you: a safe surgery and effective outcome, a speedy recovery, medical clarity and resolution, and a wonderful, relaxing, restful holiday season with your family. Your girls will take excellent care of you, I’m sure. They know what’s important, because you’ve shown them as surely as you’ve shown us. Godspeed!
Hi Rachel,
Sending lots of love and prayers for your surgery on Mon:). I have had some health issues too over the past few years and it is very scary when you have young children. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! It is good to know that we are not alone in our struggles:).
Stacey
Rachel –
I am so glad that you were willing to be vulnerable and tell us not only all the parts of your story so far but also the date of your surgery. I will be thinking of you, and I know this whole community will ask well. I have a medical mystery of my own that I am dealing with, and I feel anxiety about it often, and try so hard to stay in the present. Your detailed reminders help. I’ll come back to them. Thank you for writing for us.
Please know what an encouragement you are to us each and every day. You have been my inspiration to live in love and take time for my family in the midst of so many challenges lately. Whenever life gets tough, I look to your blog to gain a more positive perspective. Thank you for reminding us what truly matters in life. You will be absolutely surrounded by prayers on Monday and during your recovery. Thank you for changing our lives for the better by reminding us how to live and love fully.
I am new to your Blog–but certainly appreciate your sharing your positive way of looking at all that life throws our way. Sounds as if your children are well tuned to your needs–what a blessing you have bestowed on them. Will remember you in prayer over the week-end, and especially on Monday. Trusting the dear Lord will keep you in the palm of His hand. God bless you, Rachel.
I, too, am a medical mystery, recently having been diagnosed with a serious eye disease. I, too, am living the unknown – my specialist can only treat the symptoms, not the cause. When do I next get treatment? When my vision starts to deteriorate again (or my regular visits to the specialist identify a further flare-up), and then I have to get an eye injection very quickly or risk face losing more vision! To make things even more unknown, there is little information out there that I can understand! Till now, I have not really related to anything written about how to process living with the unknown. You have eloquently summed up the angst felt when visiting the specialist, and the fear and uncertainty of not understanding what is happening to your body. What I really like is how you have turned this profound sense of uncertainty into hopefulness. I love these words: ‘No matter what mysteries we face today, there are clues all around us indicating hope is near … goodness is abundant’. My psychologist urged me to practice mindfulness after my diagnosis – and I think your daughters were leading you in this direction by urging you to bake and roll dough (a very sensual activity) and to use your senses on your walk – cooking and walking are great ways to be in the present! What wonderful daughters you have! In a time when you needed to be surrounded by love, your daughters were responding with simple acts of kindness which no doubt reflects the loving way in which you have raised your daughters. Your final words are comforting in that you draw a community around you, around us: ‘I am a medical mystery. I face a medical mystery. But nothing will stop me from carrying on. Please join me, friends. Let’s carry on. Together, hope swells higher.’ The past year I’ve witnessed an Australian mum draw a Facebook community around her as her four-year-old son was revived and placed on a heart machine, waiting for a heart transplant. She has shared her journey and her fears, and this community has given her so much support, and now that her son has received his transplant, she has been able to be helped in her fundraising for this cause by this same online community. I wish you all the best as you go into hospital – take comfort in knowing that you are blessed to have caring daughters as well as a wonderful online community to support you.
Good luck with your surgery. I’ll continue to pray for a good outcome for you and your family.
My son has hydronephrosis as well. He was born with it almost 7 years ago. After all of the tests and doctors appointments that he’s gone through, we’ve been lucky so far that he hasn’t worsened or required surgery. God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes we worry, struggle, and learn ways to stay positive and have faith that everything will be alright. Just as it should be.
Dear Rachel ~
I am new to your blog and have already ordered – and worn every day – my leather “Only Love Today” bracelet. Your words and the sharing of your life and thoughts touch me deeply each time you post. Please know I will be wearing my bracelet in your honor Monday and through your recovery.
And know also, deep in your heart, many prayers and healing energies will be swirling their way through the ethers to you and your family.
Sending love.
Dear Rachel,
I pray your surgery will go well on Monday! I so appreciate your words. My seventeen year old is going through cancer treatment currently, so I understand the uncertainty, the shakiness of what will tomorrow bring….
There is definitely peace in the everyday, normal experiences.
Much love and light, Elizabeth
Hi Rachel,
I wanted to say thank you for your lovely post today. If you were only supposed to write that to help one person, I guarantee you that person was me. It was an answer to many prayers. I love your blog. I am not a mama, at least to anyone I physically gave birth to, and that has been very difficult for me. But I have a mama heart and when I read your blog it inspires me to be a better person in my sphere of influence. I hope that while you are healing, you will feel peace knowing you have given the gift of healing to so many. You will truly be in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for sharing. It is not always easy for us to do that. Every time I have reed your blog, you have given me the light to go on. I thank you for that and pray God will comfort you and your family through this time of mysteries. Always remember, He is in control and knows our needs, better than we do. Peace be with you Sister!
I came here today because I am overwhelmed by the unhappy mom I have become, I have stopped a few times in the past 24 hours and become aware of the serious, unpleasant facial expressions and speech that have become my normal. I listened to your tv interview, you said you didn’t like your reflection in the mirror and that you weren’t living in the moment, trying to control life, not live it. How I want to learn a different way. Thank you for sharing. Prayers for your surgery and answers!
I stumbled upon your book “Hands Free Life” while ordering another book on Amazon and, though I have no children, your book is a breath of fresh air and one that I cherish. (I’m so glad Amazon suggested it!) Thank you for sharing your heart and life with us!
I pray that you will be healed completely, your surgery be a total success, and your love and faith grow stronger and stronger as your hands (and life) become freer and freer. Rest in the God who knows all mysteries, for He loves you.
You inspire me and make me smile. I’d like to think I carry a little of your tremendous spirit with me everyday as I try to continue to see the “sparkles” in the world just as my 5 year old baby girl does. Thank you for being you and for being a part of my life! Love, peace, and prayers to you on 12/7 and as you prepare for that day and recover. xoxo
Beautiful and profound as always.
Love and prayers are being sent your way. Remember that medical MIRACLES happen every day. Your words always lift me up…. and I will be praying that others will lift you up as well. XOXO before you go!
Rachel- Thank you for sharing your life, your medical journey and your ever-so-hopeful and helpful words of wisdom and messages that come deep from your heart. I keep your quotes handy and read them often. (You should do a book on just inspirational quotes!) I will say prayers for your recovery and a discovery of the medical mystery cause. . We will all be your “warm blanket” ( I know that feeling too!) and will have you in our thoughts.
Hope,positivity n lots of Luv is what I feel wen I read ur articles….Ur truly v inspiring…m going thru a lot of challenges…Heath, financial….but still v optimistic n hopefull….carrying on with faith n gratitude.lots of prayers n Luv to u…gbu
Praying for you, dear Rachel! May you be carried through the coming week ~ you are loved and deeply appreciated! May you find warm blankets waiting for you! xo
May God send you a speedy recovery. I am praying for you. What is your Mom’s name? In my faith we pray in the name of the mother for the child who is ill. The mother is considered the source of mercy.
You have been instrumental in me taking care of myself and my family. May the loving energy and caring you give to the world come back to you many fold.
First time I’ve been to this site.. and of course couldn’t hope for better wishes for you than I am now. But you know what? It’s such a great site and therefore I know all will be fine. There isn’t a God that wouldn’t let you keep doing this writing.. all the best R
G
Thank you. That is so kind and comforting of you to say. I am glad you are here.
Rachel,
I read your blog often…and you are STILL missed! I am praying for you, friend!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:6-7
May God bless you and continue to comfort you . Best wishes to you as your surgery approaches. May your calm, positive outlook continue throughout your recovery.
Thank you so much for this post. Yesterday my elder daughter (5) threw up at the end of her martial arts class. I had lots of pitying looks, but not a single offer to help clean up, so I was comforting my daughter and helping her change clothes while also trying to clean the mat before the next class. On the way home on our bikes my younger daughter (4) fell iff her bike and had to be carried on mine (plus her little bike and the plastic bag containing soiled clothes and towels…).
We all had a nap
My thoughts and heart are overwhelmed so I will simply say that I am praying for you.Your expressive awareness and insight into your own psyche and incredible observations of your family and life experiences have become rocks for me to cling to during my own journey to mindfulness. Unfortunately your medical experiences are striking too close to home. I read the kidney surgery blog while waiting as my hubby was in OR for kidney surgery. Remain positive. Keep fighting for answers… Ours was rare scary ureter diagnosis after year of pain being brushed off and told its muscle….nothing there. One child also needed a repeat orthopaedic joint surgery in midst. I understand stress and worry overload. Every day is a gift! None of us knows future and in reality we all are living in daily uncertainty. Medical scares just make us hyperaware which fuels fears and anxiety. Remember your own inspirational words only love today. I am stitching my own reminder: yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift—that’s why it’s called the present.
I am always so appreciative of the gifts you give to the world, and the inspiration, hope and emotion you inspire. I will be thinking of you this week and hoping your surgery and recovery go smoothly and you have many warm blankets to cover you. Take care.
Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers your way!
Thanks for all your postings which often made me smile and more often thoughtful. You have shown me a better way to deal with my children and my mantra has become ‘Only love today!’ even if it is difficult sometimes.
I am sure the surgery will go well and you will be up again soon!
Sweet friend, I will be thinking of and praying for you as you undergo your surgery tomorrow – I hope that your mystery will be solved soon. (biggest hug)
I’ll be thinking about you on Monday Rachel and sending you positive thoughts! I too have been called a “medical mystery” and it’s very frustrating!! I finally had a doctor refer me to a Chinese doctor. When he said the words, “I know what’s wrong with you and I know how to heal you,” I wanted to cry! I hope you too find someone who can say those same words to you! Thank you for sharing your journey with positive silver linings throughout your cloudy days that your kids know how to give you!
I have just recently discovered your website and I just want to say,”Thanks” for being real and speaking to my heart. I do share in the prayers and hope for your good health.
One question: how can I get the bracelets that you are wearing in the second photo?
Hi Jess – thank you so much for the kind words & prayers. It means so much! Here is the HANDS FREE SHOP to order the bracelets. I hope you love these wearable reminders to LIVE & LOVE as much as I do. http://shop.handsfreemama.com
Dearest Rachel, your words always seem to arrive at the right moment.
Thinking of you as you undergo surgery and wishing you a speedy recovery.
I loved this post about the cookies and the laundry, the sights and sounds that bring joy to our lives. I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and I began to notice a blackbird singing outside my studio while I worked. He came every day and sang his glorious song and I began to call him ‘my blackbird’. He gave me strength as I was undergoing treatment and I looked forward to hearing him each day. He is back this year and I find his song still gives me hope and strength and fills me with happiness.
I also began gardening in earnest after treatment and enjoy watching the nodules of stems begin to form on the roses after winter and then buds forming and becoming flowers. Nature is so incredible and I love the way you and your girls take the time to notice the world around you. Your writing has brought me peace and answers to parenting in such a gentle and inspiring way. Thankyou for your words and your gift of writing. May a beautiful bird sing to you as you recover and go through your journey.
Much love to you xx
Oh, Rachel, I just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers. You are just so precious. Hope all went well with your surgery. Wish I could bring your family dinner, but I will do it for another family in need in my own area–in your honor. xoxo
Dear Rachel,
Thank you for your inspiration and your words. I have never posted but read regularly….I read and re-read all of your “on” words….and have to say after reading them ,I feel that your words are a special gift, wrapped in LOVE….and as each day unfolds…”love on”!!! Thinking of you!
Your blog and writing gives me hope and encouragement everyday. Thank you for that. I will be praying for a speedy recovery.
Dearest Rachel,
Your beautiful mind and your presence are a blessing in each of my days. Thank you! I pray for an easy and fast recovery. I pray that they gave you a soft warm blanket after the surgery and continued to do this all through the time you had to spend in the hospital. I pray that your beautiful girls are calm and had the chance to hug you many, many times these days when it was all so scary. I pray that the doctor had discovered the mystery and resolved it with this last intervention. I pray that you are calm and relieved. I pray that your days start again with a gentle soft smile and hugs. I pray that you are well!
Your thoughts brighten the lives of so many of us, continents away from you, we are near you. Together.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Praying for you, Rachel.
Sending you love and a hand to hold as you navigate this journey. You are strong and surrounded by so much love from your family and virtual family.
So sorry, Rachel. Of all the anxieties in life, medical is the worst. Needless to say, you have a lot of people praying and rooting for you. I believe that makes a difference. Stay strong. You’ll make it through.
Just a note of both support and thanks. You have so many people who respect you and want the best for you every day. I am one of those people!
I also wanted to let you know that your post really hit home. This is a tremendously stressful week at work and there are a lot of unknowns on one project. Your reminder to just breathe and appreciate what we do know was a blessing to me.
Happy Wednesday.
As I read your post what springs to mind is that 7 Dec is such a beautiful, lucky day to me as it was my grandmothers birthday – so sending best wishes and thoughts as I know everything will turn out right for you! Jx