Last night, I thought of you
The one who dreads this day, but plasters on a smile so no one feels uncomfortable.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who’s not with her kids today, and isn’t sure if she’ll be able to get out of bed.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who feels guilty for just wanting to be alone.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who feels like she’s done irreversible damage and wonders if they’ll turn out okay.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who’d love to talk to her mom one last time
And the one who wishes her mom would listen for the first time.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who gets teary at the miraculous-ness of her children.
Last night, I thought of you
The one wondering what she did to deserve the unfailing love of her kids.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who mothers so many, but never herself, and hangs by a thread.
Last night, I thought of you
The one who wondered: Will I get through today?
It was midnight, and everyone in my house was asleep. But I sat in the quiet of my bathroom, and I thought of you. I felt your pain … and your questions … and your doubt as if they were my own. I was hoping you’d show up today so I could throw you this lifeline, and let you know you’re not alone.
Perhaps you thought of me too, and we’ll pass each other in public today.
And because we’ve been thinking of each another, we’ll take an extra moment to smile or give a look of understanding that could answer that persistent question: How will I get through this day?
Together
We’ll get through it together.
The reason for our pain might be different, but our tears look and feel comfortably familiar. We are not alone.
Our not-so-warm-and-fuzzy Mother’s Day thoughts and feelings do not make us horrible people; they make us human.
What if we look for each other today?
The one who has a hard time on holidays such as this,
The one who’s looking for a glimmer of hope too.
If we look for each other today, perhaps we’ll find it … together.
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2017
* This piece was modified from an excerpt in “Only Love Today,” currently an eBook special for $2.99. Stunning reviews indicate this book is changing lives.
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Dear ones, I am thrilled to be a guest on “Kids In the House” on May 18th at 2PM PST talking about how to raise happy and socially responsible kids. I will be joined by:
- Christine Carter, PhD: Sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center; Author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents
- Kathy Eldon: Founder + CEO of http://www.creativevisions.org and filmmaker, author and visionary one of my idols!
- Kim John Payne, M.ED: educator and Author of Simplicity Parenting and founder of simplicityparenting.com
- Making Caring Common: A project by Harvard Graduate School of Education Maria Shriver
You can watch the show on YouTube, Facebook, or KidsintheHouse.com. Thank you for supporting my work in so many ways! This is me at the recent Iris Awards Ceremony celebrating my nomination in the category of “Best Writing.” My heart overflows! Thank you for being part of the Hands Free Revolution.
Hola Rachel. As I read your post, I wanted to reach out and hug you. This day is hard for me bc I’m the one who prays and wishes or at least wished when I was a kid that my mother would really listen to me. I wished she would stop trying to change me. I still pray she stops trying to do that. I wished she would see me, really see me and accept me as is. Why is it that so many of us want children to conform to society’s ideas instead of letting them just be themselves? We tell them just be you or I love you for who you are. While some parents, you included mean it and model it as often as possible, sadly it’s the exception, not the rule. I want that to change. I know change starts with us. My teenage years were some of the worst in some ways. I often was judged bc my love of Disney never left me. I wasn’t your typical teenager, but I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. And I’ve come to realize in the last ten years that there wasn’t. Yet my mother kept trying to force me to like things most teens were into, but I wasn’t. It hurt whenever she said things like, “I wish you would watch insert name of most popular teen drama in the ninety’s here.” Or “You have to stop with this Disney stuff.” I’m substituting stuff for what she actually said. Her favorite statement was, “Kids your age aren’t watching, or kids your age aren’t reading…” She thought that just because I was a teen, I should curse because she did at that age. I don’t and that’s more than ok. I just wanted a mother who would accept me and say, “You don’t have to change for anyone-especially not me,” and mean it. My prayer for all of those pre-teens and teenagers today is that they have someone in their lives who encourages them to hold onto their innocence and joy for just a minute longer, an hour longer, day longer, a week longer, a month longer. Someone who knows the traits most people see as hinderinces will be benneficial to the world one day. Someone who loves them as is and shows them often. I also pray that I can be that someone for a lost soul trying to find his or her way. You’ve definitely been that for me. Gracias.
I feel badly for any parent who feels guilty for wanting alone time as a way to enjoy a special day set aside for him/her, and most especially a full-time parent. I spent 16 hours straight with my child yesterday who was sick and my husband was away. He was a trooper and I was glad to be there for him and clean up after him but, yes, I deserve my me-time today and he and his Dad are having a blast so far.
Thank you. I constantly feel guilty about just wanting time on my own even though I know it’s necessary for my mental health. When someone writes down that it’s not just me who needs time alone, it makes me feel less guilty, less alone in the world, less of a failure. Happy Mothers’ Day!
How did you know to post this today, friend? I don’t know, but I’m sure glad that you did. Thank you so much for these words of comfort and solidarity; you have a gift for noticing what’s going on at the margins, for writing the truths people are afraid to speak. This post was a breath of fresh air for me, and I’m grateful. <3
A wonderful and thoughtful post, thank you. But if I may, I would like to include the sadness of those of us who were not able to have children. But I guess this could come under the first heading of “The one who dreads this day, but plasters on a smile so no one feels uncomfortable.” I can’t think about it too long as it is overwhelming and painful and dwelling on such things does no good. I don’t think this is something most people even consider? But I do thank you for letting me express my thoughts. It helps. God bless every mother out there, those who have children and those that can only carry that love in their heart.
Thank you, Chris. I thought of you. I struggled with the wording for quite some time. I didn’t want to offend anyone by using the wrong wording on such an important and painful topic, so I wrote the sentence you highlighted instead. I appreciate so much you sharing your pain and experience in a way I never could have. We can learn so much from each other. We can teach each other how to love one another better simply by listening. So much love and peace to you.
I thank you Rachel, for your sweet and kind reply. Your post was very thoughtful and I could feel the caring and consideration of each carefully placed word. It was like a symphony to my soul. It helps just knowing that someone understands the feelings of those who are without children.
But God has blessed me in other ways throughout my life, like with good friends and a most wonderful husband. We were best friends and enjoyed being together. He passed away at a young age but I am very grateful for the time we had together. And I look forward to the day I get to see him again.
I would like to leave you with something that my dear grandmother used to tell me…”No matter how bad things are don’t go feeling sorry for yourself because there is ALWAYS someone else out there that is much worse off and you don’t have to look very far to find them.” She was a wonderful and wise woman.
Thank you for giving me a place to voice my feelings about something that I almost never do. God bless you and your family!
I just want to know how you read my mind? OMG! Everything! Just everything!
I am smiling when I read this!!!
First, Happy Mother’s Day! There are so many days when I think I will go mad – I love my kids but I need a break sometimes. It helps to verbalize it sometimes.