I’ve been thinking a lot about the banner that was displayed in my daughter’s middle school this spring. It said, “13 Reasons Why You Matter.” It was a positive spin on the controversial show “13 Reasons Why.” Although some students made fun of it, they all stopped, noticed, and it made them think.
It’s made me think too. In fact, the banner came to mind as I was trying to think of an anniversary gift for my parents. Fifty-five years of marriage needed a very special gift, so I purchased a lovely glass jar and wrote “55 Reasons We Love You” with gold paint pen on the lid. Between my sister, my husband, my two daughters, and myself, we filled that jar so full there was no room for the chocolate kisses I bought to go in the bottom.
I must admit, I wasn’t expecting the responses that were written on those 55 slips of paper. With just a few simple sentence starters, my family members expressed gratitude … provided comedic relief … and captured precious memories for this special couple.
I could describe my parents’ emotional reaction to the gift or you can simply look at the picture.
I think it might be the best gift they’ve ever received. It will sit on their kitchen table in Florida where they eat breakfast together every morning. My mom will pick out a slip of paper and read it to my 77-year-old dad. There will be laughter, tears, amazement, assurance, and relief – lots of relief. Because no matter your age or your accomplishments, it’s a relief to know you matter. And you can never hear it too many times.
My mom said she’d pull a reason out of the jar when she was feeling down and needed a lift. She also said that once they got through all 55 reasons, they would put them back in the jar and read them again, one by one, day by day.
For the rest of their days on earth, my parents won’t have to wonder if they matter. They’ll just reach into the jar.
I get a little teary when I think about that.
On those days when growing old is especially hard, my mom or dad will reach into that jar. And what they read on that slip of paper could give them reason to live.
The life-sustaining impact of this simple gift has got me thinking.
I wish every young person had one
… for the days they feel rejected, unwelcome, and worthless.
I wish every elderly person had one …
for the days they feel lonely, afraid, unimportant, and useless.
I wish every middle-aged person had one …
… for the days they feel like they’ve failed … like they’re invisible … like things are going nowhere.
I wish every single person on this earth had one …
A jar with 55 reasons why they are loved.
Actually, one reason would do.
And it wouldn’t have to be in a decorative jar.
We could text it.
We could say it.
We could write it on a piece of paper or in the sand.
We could stick it on a windshield or on the bathroom mirror.
We could whisper it or shout it from the rooftops.
“The reason I love you and can’t imagine life without you is this _____________.”
They might smile.
They might cry.
But for certain, they will sigh with relief.
Because no matter your age or your accomplishments, it’s a relief to know you matter.
And that reason you love them might just be reason to carry on.
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Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution, today's message is the essence of my new daily inspiration book, ONLY LOVE TODAY. Each short entry (organized by seasons of life) is designed to help you strengthen connections and choose love despite the stresses, distractions, and discord of everyday. You will find gratitude starters in the book like the following I wrote for my parents’ anniversary gift. Please feel free to use them. They can apply to just about anyone!
- I’ll never forget when you …
- I appreciate how you …
- From you, I have learned …
- One thing you do like a pro is …
- What I love most about you two is …
- I have you to thank for …
- Our family wouldn’t be the same without your …
- Someday I hope I can _________ like you do.
- If you two had a life motto, it would be …
- If money was no object, I would give you …
- My favorite memory of you is …
Rachel, what a PERFECT anniversary gift for your parents! Good job thinking it up, and yay for your sister, husband, and daughters participating with you!
Thank you for the kind comment, Priscilla! I was truly blown away by the responses that my family members provided. And I thought I was a writer???? Well, the gift of written expression definitely runs in the family. My husband’s made me cry! I can’t wait for my mom and dad to find those gems in the jar!
I didn’t even get half way through this article and started making a list for my loved ones! You inspire my love to shine! T-
Oh I was hoping someone would say this, Theresa! I am so happy you loved this idea and are implementing it!
Oh I love this!! What an original and fabulous gift that keeps on giving from the HEART to the HEART. Fabulous!! I love the happy pictures too.
Thank you, Lea! I often debate on whether or not to put some of my Facebook posts on my blog. Sometimes I think they need to be long essays to go on the blog. But today after seeing the response on Facebook to this story, I decided to put it on the blog. I thought someone reading here today might need this idea. I worry about those who feel unloved and unimportant so often. I wish everyone knew someone loves them.
I’m so glad that you did post it here. I wish everyone new that someone loves them too. I think I may have to use your idea if you don’t mind. 🙂 It’s so sweet and let’s the ones you love KNOW it. Your posts always touch my heart no matter if they are long or short.
This is so beautiful! And so timely! As I pondered the beauty of this post, I realized how doing this very thing has affected me in the last few months. I recently felt impressed to begin mailing handwritten notes to friends and others who impact my life each week. Usually the note is short, but it’s specific in how they touched me or my family. I have routinely texted these kinds of thoughts for many years now, but there’s something different about mailing a note for me. I still can’t quite pin it down, but being consistent at finding someone to mail a note to each week has been such a powerful thing for me. So, I really LOVE this idea! And, I think for me, I need to hand-write them 🙂
Thank you so very much for your positive voice. I truly love reading all your posts — they uplift and remind me of all the amazing good that is happening in my world.
Ohhhh, so precious… what a gift! (People in your life must be thrilled to know you’re coming to the party because of the kind words they’ll receive!) And thank you for reminding us that even if we can’t give 55 reasons, we can give 1! I think sometimes it’s overwhelming when we see struggling people… we think, “I can’t change/save them,” so we hesitate to try. But you never know what ONE small thing can do! Kind words have more power than we know, as you’ve shared in OLT. Much love to you friend!
My relationship with my parents has always been a little strained, and on top of that, I don’t have a very good memory – except for bad things, apparently. So for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day a few years ago, I made jars like this for each of my parents, with things I could remember from my childhood to thank them for. I thought, if I couldn’t come up with much stuff, I wouldn’t have to give it to them, but it was amazing – as I started writing, I started remembering more and more things, and I got so excited. I was fairly bursting as I gave my mom hers. I wish I could say her reaction was like your mom’s – but for whatever reason, she was not impressed. I’ll confess – it was a little heartbreaking.
The good news is, I consoled myself with three things: one, by doing this I remembered some good things that I’m really glad I got to relive; two, I think giving love blesses the giver, even if it isn’t received the way we expect; and three, I believe we reap what we sow, and I’m hoping someday someone will make me a jar that says I matter.
Add in a new one with each consecutive year, so year 56 has 56 reasons, and year 57 has 57 reasons, and so on.
Oh how I love that, Lindale. Thank you!
You are very welcome. And thank you for everything you do.
I did this for my mother on her 80th birthday ~ just wrote on a slip of paper something I remembered from my childhood. When I told my sister what I was doing, she started making suggestions, many of which I included. The slips were folded and put in an old blue Mason canning jar. My parents read one at breakfast each day, putting the paper in a second jar when read. When the first jar was empty, they started over again, putting them back into the first jar. Following the death of my parents, we found where they had saved that jar full of memories. I now have that memory jar, and enjoy reading them myself. My husband and I will be celebrating our 57th anniversary in a little over a month. I think I just might make a memory jar for him! We’ve made so many memories together over the years ~ way more than 57!
I bought Only Love Today and it is life-changing! It speaks exactly to where I am right now with my children. What a difference, imolementing your ideas has made. I recommend this book highly to, not only those with children, but to anyone.
Thank you so much, Kim! This delights me and blesses me!!!
This is such a beautiful gesture for someone you love, especially for your family to all take the time to contribute with genuine responses. I think this is a great way to express gratitude for the people in your life. I love that you thought of how this could help people in many wakes of life because everyone has those moments where they could use some loving and encouraging words.
Rachel, after reading your beautiful post I then pondered it. Then I decided to embody the gift of letting others know they so matter to me.
So I wrote 13 reasons why you matter and gave it to a friend who is struggling in her own sweet skin to find some peace. Then this weekend I went to a dear friend’s 50th birthday celebration and took a jar that was filled with your questions and my answers written on sparkly, slips of paper. She will know she is seen, she is heard and she is loved. I believe this is what we all desire, deep in our bones.
Thank you for sharing this sweet gesture that is truly a life-giving affirmation that a person SO MATTERS TO ME and its time to tell them that!
Blessings
WOW!!! This brings happy tears to my eyes! Thank you so much, Debby, for bringing my words to LIFE in the most meaningful way! It’s the greatest gift an author can receive. SO GRATEFUL for you!
What a fabulous exercise in gratitude – and a wonderful gift idea for so many! This is especially timely now as college students leave home. What a way to express kindness to those near and far!
Thank you for sharing this idea inspiring others to see the GOOD in others and remind them how they make a difference to others — in big and small ways.