It’s April 28.
I know… dates have kind-of lost their significance.
But I know what day it is today.
I’ve been waiting for it for over a year.
Nothing looks like I expected it to look today, but I made a point to marvel at it anyway.
I got up very early, before everyone else in the house, and I looked at the paper calendar square that’s been starred for many months.
I’d hoped and prayed I’d lived to see this day. Sounds melodramatic. But it’s not when there’s an urging on your heart that you are certain you must see to completion.
I’m not saying I didn’t have doubts, breakdowns, and blank pages as I answered the call – I did. But there was one thing I used in those moments to keep going.
I imagined a pair of hands holding my book, turning to a certain page, and breathing a sigh of relief – the kind of relief that comes when you feel seen and unalone.
Real hands holding my book was what I looked forward to.
Never in all the times that I envisioned that moment were those hands ones I knew by heart.
But the other night, this is what I saw…
The first person holding my book open to read the words inside was Scott.
I hadn’t expected the unexpected to feel so right.
This was the same man who would rub my back when I awoke from bad dreams as I wrote this book. While he comforted, there were no questions, no words… it was as if Scott knew my dreams were not for him to make sense of but to simply trust that they were part of the process.
Last night, in anticipation of my book coming into the world, I had two bad dreams.
“What are you doing?” Scott said when he found me sitting up in bed shivering.
“Figuring out the trees,” I responded, studying the outline of the trees outside my window. “I see an angel,” I concluded.
Scott held my hand without question,
Like it was part of the process.
I came downstairs this morning to find a homemade card painted the exact same color of my book.
Inside, Natalie said she’s proud of me, that my book will touch lives, and other unexpected words my heart won’t forget.
Avery’s been doing live interviews with me.
I didn’t see this coming.
But the songs she writes bring home the concepts I teach and provide a bit of space to process the information I share.
Sometimes, Avery even answers interview questions.
“How do you keep going when you feel like nothing matters anymore?”
That was one of the questions submitted by someone who ordered a signed copy of LIVE LOVE NOW.
“I got this,” Avery said quietly.
“Find a little thing to look forward to, even if it’s small; it will help you keep going,” she said with certainty. “Think of something you’re going to do in the future that you enjoy.”
I looked down and saw my painted nails. I never have painted nails, but it was something Avery really wanted to do. She’d looked forward to painting my nails for days. I was never so glad I said yes.
Later, Avery said that one of her small things that had gotten her through a tough time was looking forward to getting her braces off.
I swallowed hard knowing that would not be happening anytime soon with the social distancing measures.
“What do you do if what you look forward to gets delayed indefinitely?” she asked, but I knew this was not a question for me to answer.
“You find something else to look forward to — and maybe it turns out even better than you imagined,” Avery replied.
Like a book being held in someone’s hands—
Hands you didn't know you’d know by heart.
It is April 28th, dear ones.
On this day, I brought a book into the world,
And I also want to offer you this:
As the special dates we marked on the calendar
Lose their stars
And begin to blur together
With no end in sight,
Resist the urge to close your eyes
Resist the urge to curl up in a ball
Resist the urge to quit,
Because you just never know
What beauty and goodness
The unexpected can hold in its hands
When you choose to keep looking forward
My hand in yours,
Thank you for letting my publisher know my work is valued and should continue through a purchase of LIVE LOVE NOW. They have generously extended the preorder bonuses for a few more days so everyone gets the most value possible. Get the book from your favorite retailer (many of them are listed here on my book page) and receive my 21-day LIVE LOVE NOW self-care audio series for FREE, along with 4 tools for connection. Thank you for believing in my work and loving me & my family so well. There are almost 100 reviews of LIVE LOVE NOW on Goodreads already. I sat and cried with joy as I read each one today. I love you.