“We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I'm not letting go
You hold the other line
‘Cause there is a light
In your eyes, in your eyes.”
–Mat Kearney
A few months ago my newly turned 12-year-old daughter got into making iced tea.
We seek out new flavors at quaint little farmers’ markets and at fancy tea shops in the mall. My child holds the canister and asks questions of the vendor that I do not understand. She pays with her babysitting money.
I stand back and marvel at her maturity and her newfound passion.
She comes home with her wares and goes right to work. It’s quite a process, and she takes it very seriously. She makes a large pitcher and offers me a glass. My daughter knows I am trying to stop drinking diet soda once and for all. So whenever she makes a new flavor, she says, “I think you’ll like this one, Mama.”
She holds out that glass of deep orange liquid as if handing me a sunset made with her very own two hands.
I didn’t know why I felt like crying happy tears at such an offering until my friend shared something about her own life experience.
She said, “Just when I feel like I am failing as a parent, a moment will come along that makes me feel like I’m doing okay.”
Her moment came when her four-year-old son had earned several dollars to spend at a toy store. But instead of buying only for himself, he bought a toy for his little brother and baby sister.
As she shared her story, I had an epiphany. It dawned on me that in the same place my daughter makes tea is where I smashed a casserole dish in a moment of complete and utter overwhelm. And when I did, I scared that precious child who happened to be rinsing off her dinner plate at the time. This woman who is supposed to have it all together fell apart right there in that very spot where this child makes tea in hues of yellow, purple, and orange.
When my child hands me a glass and says, “Taste this one, Mama,” I feel like I am being handed forgiveness. The healing lyrics of one of my favorite songs plays in my head: Even the best fall down sometimes. I blink back tears as I remember pieces of ceramic flying in every direction and how my daughter loves me in spite of it.
Don’t get me wrong—I didn’t let myself off the hook easily. In fact, I beat myself up over that reckless choice for weeks. I thought you had stopped overreacting, Criticism sneered. And you tell people how to have a peaceful response? What a joke, Shame scoffed.
But even the best fall down sometimes, Grace whispered in Howie Day’s soothing voice. I play it on repeat over and over in my mind.
I look back on that day in May and realize I was in a bad place. I was sleep deprived. I was trying to meet work deadlines and fulfill end-of-the-school year duties. I’d been in physical pain for months. Worry over my persistent infection’s mysterious cause had finally set in. In this fragile state, I made a grave mistake that could have hurt someone I love or myself.
That night I went to my child’s room to ask for forgiveness. I told her I deeply regretted handling that feeling of overwhelm and hopelessness by breaking a glass dish.
My daughter’s response surprised me. She said, “Sometimes when I am tired and someone gets in my face, I am like, ‘Grrrrrr!’ It’s like I forget the other person has feelings.”
Yes. Yes. To forget the other person has feelings—yes, that is when the hurt happens. That is when poor choices are made.
But there was more, and my daughter’s words helped me realize what it was:
Sometimes I forget I have feelings.
Sometimes I forget I have needs.
Sometimes I forget I have limits.
And such a volatile outburst indicates I am not caring for myself properly and need to take an honest look at how I am living.
“I am so sorry. I did not handle the situation well. I think it’s because I’m not taking good care of myself lately,” I realized and admitted all at once.
My little budding orthopedic surgeon quickly came up with suggestions as if she'd been waiting to be asked. More sleep, Mama. More fresh air. More water, Mama. Too many Coke Zeros. More chilling out. Get your heart rate up. And tea. Drink herbal tea instead of soda. I can make you some, Mama.
It was abundantly clear that she’d been concerned and had been waiting for an invitation to tell me.
I publically declared then and there what I intended to do to look after myself. I would give up the soda addiction and drink more water. I would start running again, even a mile or two of heart-pumping sweat could do wonders. I would be more selective when it came to writing opportunities. I would get at least seven hours of sleep. I would go to a specialist and get to the bottom of a six-month long bladder infection instead continuing to take different antibiotics.
And that is what I did. I immediately began sleeping through the night. I could think more clearly. I could handle frustration better. I went to several doctors until I got to the bottom of my health issue. A skilled urologist discovered a gargantuan sized kidney stone that was taking up over half my kidney. Left unattended or improperly removed, the results could have been fatal.
When I told my doctor what the first urologist recommended for removal of the mass, she said, “You could have lost a year of your life due to complications from the wrong procedure.”
But all I heard was: You could have lost your life.
And not just from a monstrous kidney stone, but from not looking after myself—from looking after everyone but me.
Even losing yourself in good works is still losing yourself …
Even the one who handles everything must rest and restore …
Even the strongest have moments of weakness …
Even the most vibrant on the outside can be dying on the inside …
Even the most vibrant livers of life need to frequently re-evaluate their priorities …
Even the best fall down sometimes.
And in these moments of human vulnerability, it gives others a chance to lift, love, and carry the one who often lifts, loves, and carries them.
My twelve year old daughter makes tea several times a week now. It is in the exact spot where things were broken but have managed to come back stronger than before.
When she hands me that tall glass of forgiveness, I am given a reminder that brings relief to my parched soul. Today I feel compelled to pass that reminder on …
To you, the one who yelled again today and hangs her head in shame
To you, the one who doesn’t even recognize himself anymore
To you, the one who can’t remember the last time she laughed
To you, the one who can only see the damage done
To you, the one who feels like he’s just going through the motions
To you, the one who can’t seem to get herself together
To you, the one who thinks thoughts she could never say out loud
To you, the one who’s slowly dying inside
My friend, you have feelings. They are real. They are worth listening to and acknowledging.
You have limits. They are real. They are necessary to keep in place as a means of valuing your time and honoring your health.
You have dreams. They are real. You are worthy of time to pursue what makes your heart come alive.
You have needs. They are real. You deserve affection, rest, sustenance, and grace.
Perhaps you forgot you have feelings. Perhaps you forgot you have limits. Perhaps you forgot that you deserve love and care just like anyone else. Perhaps you forgot that it is necessary to look after you.
It’s okay. It’s okay. I forgot too.
But today, let us look after ourselves just as we do our loved ones. After all, what good are we if we are not here?
And then maybe we can look after ourselves again tomorrow.
Even the one who holds up the world needs a reprieve.
Even the one who doles out the love needs replenished.
Even the best fall down sometimes.
And we’ll never find out who’s been waiting to help us up if we never allow ourselves to fall into the arms of grace.
**************************************************
Dear friends of The Hands Free Revolution community, I have missed you all so much. I have missed reading your stories, your encouragements, your thoughts and opinions. My summer break from blogging was not what I hoped for or expected. It has been dark and painful, but I have gained so much perspective from this time. On Thursday 7/23, I have one final kidney surgery. I am eager to get back to writing to you on a regular basis. While I have been focusing on my health and healing, my wonderful publisher and talented web designer have made the most beautiful page for my forthcoming book, HANDS FREE LIFE (release date: September 8). It is a book about living life, not managing, stressing, screaming, or barely getting through life. This book means more to me now than it ever has. I am honored to share the book’s difficult truths, Hands Free Daily Declarations, and life-changing Habit Builders with anyone who wants to live better and love more each day. On the new book page, you can hear me talk about the book, see what early reviewers said about it, and take advantage of the special pre-order bonus going on today through September 7. But first, tell me how you are doing. Tell me how you are going to care for yourself today. Tell me what’s on your heart. I will be reading every word you share to get though the last leg of this difficult journey on Thursday morning. Thank you for your patience, support, and companionship. I cherish you dearly.
“Hold on hold tight,
Make it through another night,
& everyday there comes a song with the dawn,
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes,
I'm not letting go,
You hold the other line.”
-Mat Kearney
I needed to read this today, desperately. Thank you. So very much.
Loved this I really need awake up call-thank you!!
Keeping you in my heart and thoughts. Thank you so very much for sharing your journey. Be well. Peace.
Oh how I can relate to what you are writing! Perfectly timed article! Again, as always, THANK YOU!!!
As I read the tears of understanding stream down my face. Bless you!
EVERY SINGLE blog entry you’ve written is both a mirror to and an escape for my soul. We will pray for your successful surgery and full recovery. We wish for you peace and time to rest and heal.
This was also a timely post for me today as I’ve been getting quite stressed about caring for others in my life and have been neglecting myself of late. It’s time to take a big deep breath, have a good night sleep and wake up with a smile on my face and a positive attitude. Best of luck for your final operation this week. Alicia. x
Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one… praying for the return of your health!
Thank you for the reminder that we are not alone in how we feel, think, react and dream. Thank you for the reminder to take care of ourselves at least as much as we care for others; while I teach others about self-care and how it is not selfish, for myself it’s always on the back burner.
Blessings for quick healing and your own self care from here on out.
Dawn
Thank you. I needed this today xx
Bless you I don’t have anything clever or profound to add but know that I love your blog posts xxx
Hang in there Rachel! I have been through several kidney surgeries and have had a stone the size of an egg removed, after neglecting myself. It took 3 surgeries to remove it but I am now happy, healthy and feel so much better.
Let people take care of you while you are recovering. Healing thoughts your way. Sandra
Oh thank you, Sandra. This is very hopeful to me! Just what I needed to hear this morning!!! THANK YOU. I am so glad you are okay now!
Superb as always. I read this thinking I might already know the meat of this story…..I didn’t. Had no idea we were fighting the same soda battle! Larger than all was the looming lesson of going to the specialist. I am so bad at taking care of my health….this is such a valuable lesson and I’m so glad it came today! Perfect timing as always!
Thank you for sharing, Kerry. I am comforted to know this. You posted something a few months back about the evils of diet soda and I read them. I thought you had kicked the addiction with ease. The fact that I couldn’t was troubling and slightly embarrassing to me. I am trying not to feel badly that it took a major health scare to get me to kick the habit for good — I am human after all. But I will tell you this: I didn’t have a Coke Zero for about 20 days and then I decided to treat myself to one thinking it would taste so good. It tasted horrible. It tasted like chemicals. So if you can just make through a week or two, it may be enough to help you really TASTE what you are drinking. I treasure your companionship on this journey, my friend.
This is my first time reading your blog, I found link through another blog. This post really hit home with me. I’ve been having issues keeping up with self-care for several years since my husband died. I always made time for things that my kids need, work things, even sitting around watching TV or wasting time on my computer. But I was neglecting myself.
I had given up Coke Zero back in the spring. I gave it up for Lent and never went back. I did have a slipup about two weeks into Lent. I was running errands and gave in and bought a bottle. It tasted disgusting to me. I had been drinking regular Coke for a while, thinking it would be a baby step toward no soda, and at least it didn’t have those artificial sweeteners. But I was still drinking way too much and still not taking good care of myself. It’s been over a week not since I’ve had any soda. I’m drinking way more water and drinking tea instead.
I’m only a week into this push to do better with self-care, but I already feel better. I go to sleep at a decent hour and without the caffeine from all the soda I was drinking I sleep better. I fix a cup of water with fresh lemon at night and leave it on my nightstand and start my day with that while I do a bit of journaling. I’m making slow and steady progress on some things I’ve fell behind on, like laundry and decluttering, but I’m making manageable to-do lists each day that I know I can reasonably handle and still have time for a walk, reading and family time.
Oh goodness! I needed this reminder “to love myself.” Thank you for sharing. I have been in a state of apologizing for my feelings and pushing them aside like they aren’t of value. I have been so overwhelmed in my thoughts of feeling inadequate. I needed to be reminded that “I have needs and they are real.” Oh thank you so much for this! Here’s to a nw day where I am “falling into the arms of grace!” I am going to the pool today where I relax and I can take time for myself.
Praying for you today and for you on 7|23. Laura
Thank you for sharing, Laura. Your honesty is inspiring and helpful. I am grateful to know my words impacted you and inspired you to action. There is truly no greater gift to a writer. I wish I could join you at the pool. I think we would enjoy each other’s company. 🙂
I missed your words of encouragement. I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself. Thanks for the reminder. Today I’m going to schedule my overdue doctor appointments.
Oh this makes my heart nearly leap out of my chest with joy. Yes, please Lily. Make those doctor’s appointments. TAKE CARE OF PRECIOUS YOU.
oh yes please……..
falling into that grace….
thank you for sharing.
stay strong
be safe.
let food be your medicine
take care of yourself.
blessings!!
Dear Rachel,
I am sending you healing thoughts from my part of the world to yours! My last year has been a year of treatments after my diagnosis and I am glad that somehow the “dark” part of it is over. So I am wishing you the same, to be finally rid of the kidney stone.
Thank you for your beautiful words. You continue to be an inspiration for me.
Love,
Lana
Praying for a successful surgery and quick healing. I love reading your blog! This post hit home with me today.
Sending you and your family prayers of healing, peace, and serenity!
When I had surgery recently, I wrote Psalm 46:10 on my arm: “Be still and know I am God.”
It helped ease my anxieties and keep my focus on the One who is in control (not me!)
Best wishes for a speedy recovery! Thanks for reminding me to bring some Howie Day back into my life 😉
Love this, Theresa. You have made me smile both on the inside and the outside. I hope you have healed from your surgery.
Prayers for a safe surgery and speedy recovery. We are all perfectly imperfect, and your honesty is amazing!! Somehow everything you write, I need to hear exactly when you share it. Your writing touches my heart. Thanks for being so brave and sharing your journey!! I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you with all my heart. I will think of you on the 23rd. Now, I am going to get up off this computer and go for a long walk with the dog. I need to heal, too, and you have opened my eyes to that.
Rachel.
Your words are as meaningful as ever….as applicable as ever. Thank you. Know that do many friends who aspire to be more hands free will be putting their hands together in prayer to lift you up with hope for a smooth recovery. Nothing like health issues to slow you down and wake you up.
You’ve inspired me again, and I thank you. I need to print this one out and highlight, “even losing yourself in good works is losing yourself.”
Thank you, I will read this post again and again. I will be keeping you close in thought and prayer on the 23rd. Wishing you some peaceful moments.
Rachel, I have missed you on Facebook, and wondered if I just somehow removed your page. I have commented before about your blog….actually commented only once I believe. But as I have read your words, I have often applauded and congratulated you. I have marveled at your wisdom, your way with words.
I am older, a senior citizen now. I have raised my children. Those were troubling times. Escaping an abusive marriage, and trying to hold it all together , raising my daughters while working two jobs. So many regrets! Looking back, so many moments of frustration….moments of pure exhaustion when I said the wrong thing or lashed out, when all I really wanted was to snuggle with those precious girls and tell them I loved them. So many sleepless night, nights of crying my heart out because I had, once again, reacted badly. Oh, I was never physically abusive. Oh no. I had lived through that, in my childhood and my marriage to their father. But sure I raised my voice, I lost my temper. Those girls are grown now. Mothers themselves. Good and kind and wonderful mothers. They are the kind of mothers that I wanted to be. I am so very proud of them, and humbled by their love. If I vould just go back 30 years and do it over. I eould change do much.
but back to uou, my dear.
June,
Thanks for being real. My prayer for you is that you would leave the world of “If only…” It is not a very pleasant place to be. God offers true forgiveness, and He wants to live in His forgiveness.
We are so loved by so many & yet we can’t see ourselves through their eyes… If only we could, we’d know the love, care, forgiveness & concern is mutual! Thanks for sharing your dark times & for taking care of yourself. Please know that even though you had good intentions when you decided to take a break, you were separated from our love & support. Even though it’s not a hands free connection, it’s a very real community that believes in you & appreciates all you do, with much love! Thank you & yours for being you! Enjoy tea times… <3
Thanks for sharing your vulnerability, wisdom, and humanness as we are better people for it. Wishing you every blessing as you undergo your final surgery, and prayers for grace, wellness, gentleness, and peace in the days ahead. Namaste. ox
Glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself. I love your posts. You are able to capture precisely what busy moms/parents are feeling in a wonderful and meaningful way. I feel like I finally have some perspective this year. It was a busy, crazy year with work, school, life. We were blessed with some time off as a family and took a couple magical vacations. While yes, the vacations were in beautiful destinations, what I received from the time away, was an ability to really notice how much my boys have matured and marveled at how engaged they were when visiting new places and ability to try new things. I was so proud of them and in love with their wonder and spirit. I was able to stop worrying and just appreciate everything. Getting back to work today. Ready to get back into our routine of living with new perspective on the important things in life.
Thank you. This was the post I needed today. You have such a magic touch at finding the touchstones to impact so many with your warmth, transparency and humour. You speak truths that so many us fear will make us appear vulnerable. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Thank you for that today. Writing this as tears stream down my face. I have not been taking good care of myself and it’s now left my husband questioning whether we should be together as I haven’t been happy in a long time – I can list many causes, but you’ve reminded me that in amongst the stresses of work, people quitting, home remodeling, there’s been a lack of doing things to meet my feelings.
Your post came after I’d been driving from dropping my daughter off at daycare & was reminded of God’s promise through Jeremiah – his I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. “The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.…”
Thank you & praise God for this hope.
Praying for your emotional health & for your marriage. My church group recently got a lot of value out of the From This Day Forward video series from LifeChurch.tv, something to consider watching with your husband if it might give you a boost in the right direction.
Your posts always bring tears to my eyes. I am a perfectionist & since having my first child almost a year & a half ago, I am trying so hard to let go of that. To enjoy the crazy weekends, the dirty toddler hair & the fact that I no longer control anything. It’s hard to overlook the sink full of dirty dishes until she’s asleep. But, I want my child to remember me playing with her. Not cleaning. I was lucky enough to have a goddaughter that opened up my eyes a few years ago. She asked me one day why I didn’t leave my house. I was borderline agoraphobic. Close to not leaving my house for anything. Her simple question made me want to change everything. And some days are harder than others. I’m grateful for your words that make me feel less alone.
Thank you & I hope your surgery goes well & that you have a quick & easy recovery.
Oh Rachel, am already fighting tears so as not to cry in the office. I have been opening your website to check for new posts and kept wondering when this summer will end and you can write again. I thought you had taken a summer break but am really sorry for your illness. But I am glad God has been on your side and is healing you! I have no doubt you will be well. Lately I have been at that point where I feel like I have failed as a mother due to some things my 9 year old daughter has done that I cannot even tell a soul. But I wouldn’t want to burden you with my problems at this time when you need healing. I am just glad to read from you once more because your posts are an encouragement to me. You have a way of lifting us up even when we are feeling so down.Thank you Rachel. I also realised how I never have time for myself and lately I have began a few baby steps to looking after myself. I am relaxing more, I am taking time to take care of my body and to feel beautiful once again. I am more positive about myself and no longer beat myself up. I have been able to forgive myself and my moods have changed as well as my relationship with the ones I love. I rarely yell though sometimes I do lose it but I am more patient. I have also been able to look at my weaknesses and deal with them so as to improve my life and have inner peace. Thank once again and I earnestly pray to our Almighty God who is the Great Physician to be present in your hospital room as you undergo the surgery. May His Mighty healing descend upon you in a Mighty way. God bless you!
Lord,
Please be with Winnie. Give her someone that she can trust with her struggles with her daughter. I know that you did not intent for people to live life alone. Thank you that she is trying to take care of herself. Help her to find people to encourage her.
Thank you, lovely Kendra, for looking after Winnie. She is a precious soul and I will join you in that reciting that beautiful prayer. Bless you, too.
Kendra, that prayer has brought tears to my eyes. You have touched me in a very big way. I was longing for just someone to give me a word of encouragement and I got more from you. A prayer. God has heard you and for praying for me, may He grant you all the desires of your heart too. I have no words but please know you have given me hope. Thank you dear. I will save your name somewhere in my heart so that I may also remember you in my prayers. Thank you, thank you once again. And Rachel, thank you. I feel at home right here even if I am on the other side of the world. I feel all the love, I do.
Bless you, dear Winnie. I love this home we have made together here.
Winnie,
Rachel trusts me to respond to her readers, so I wanted to be sure you knew you could contact me at my website: http:/www.languageoflistening .com
I may be able to help you help your daughter without you needing to tell me what happened. You might be surprised at what we can accomplish in a short conversation.
Rachel,
It’s so good to see you back in action, encouraging your community again. Wishing you patience and peace throughout your recovery!
Beautifully written!! This one brought me to tears. I’ve taken out my frustrations on my kids countless number of times and I have felt so bad about it. Why should they suffer because of my pain, stress or whatever it is I’m going through? You are right, we really need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of our precious loved ones.
I’ve been through a couple of surgeries and each time, my kids were a huge part of my recovery process. Hope everything goes well for you! Good luck and wish you a speedy recovery!
Vidhya
WOW,you HIT the head of the nail with this one. I feel like I am hearing my own book of my life. I wont take this whole page to tell you all BUt I was told by my family doc back in Nov to let go of my past including my family that continues to look over the truth of my past and not be in my life, my boys life. (we only kive 30 minutes from family memebers but they have not come around to us within the past 10 yrs or so) I was molested by a step grand father and was told to keep it Hush Hush by step mom, I finally came clean over the years with the help of my supportive hubby and told others and they still continue from that day I told them years ago to allow him to be in family events and holidays with our family. I cant be in the same room let alone know he is allowed to a place I was invited to. We wont allow our boys to be around it. So fast forward , my past has HURT/killed me so much and caused so much pain to me and depression has taken over as well as anger. Medications for years and to this day I cant take it no more, I get so angry and hurt over things and then take it out on my family and they do not deserve it at all. Doc told me to do things and stay on medication but this past month I couldnt take the meds controlling my life, I QUIT them and am learning to deal with LIFE from my eyes and heart. It is hard when growing up you were learning the way to deal with things is yelling and throwing things but its NOT the right answer. Its soooooo hard. I am so glad that I found this blog, I need to know that its not just Me” that there is others going through the same emotions that I am feeling. Thanks again from the bottom of my soppy heart. I can also say this takes such a drastic tole onto your body and soul. Its hard to pick yourself up when you feel down all the time. Good Luck with all !!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, dear Jamie, for sharing your story and your heart. Someone out there is reading this and seeing her story and knowing she is not alone. Sometimes knowing we are not alone in our pain and despair can give us the strength we need to make ONE right choice or offer ourselves ONE loving act. My friend, I wish you PEACE, healing, happiness, and serenity. Thank you for walking beside me. We are not alone.
We must be soul sisters. I’m not sure I’ve ever read a post of yours that hasn’t made me cry. As usual, today you were right on target. I did forget. I do have feelings. I don’t pursue my dreams because work and caring for family take all my time and energy. I’m overwhelmed most of the time. I’m filled with guilt at not being a perfect parent, daughter, person. But I get better at forgiving myself every day. I’m starting to realize it’s ok to be a real person. Each of your posts give me pause, give me a moment to reflect and recognize and forgive and love and keep going. I’m glad you’re back. I’m sending healing, joyful thoughts your way! Take care of yourself and hug your family. You are doing great!
“Soul sisters” is one of my favorite phrases. I have been lucky enough to have a few soul sisters in my lifetime. I am glad to know you are one too, from afar, walking beside me, nodding your head, sharing my tears. I cherish the encouragement you have given me and will cling to it in the days ahead. Thank you for being here.
I need to live and thrive so my family can live and thrive. Tomorrow I’m going to drink water and breathe deeply. Simple and easy. I’ll make each hug with my kids last that little bit longer. Not just for them but for me too.
All the best for your upcoming surgery. You have a village behind you x
“Tomorrow I’m going to drink water and breathe deeply.”
I love this beautiful, simple step toward taking care of you. These little steps matter. They rejuvenate and restore. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.
In 2013, my dad passed away in a very unexpected way. The day that happened this 26 year old wife, mother of two, successful therapist, changed. I lost myself and my ability to give myself to my children. I began yelling over everything. Screaming. Crying. Everyday in our home was a nightmare. I stumbled across your book and it woke me up. I truly believe God put your book in my path. I strive everyday now to remember that my children still need me. I can’t wait to get my hands on your new book!
I am so touched to know my book helped you in such a profound way. This means everything to me. Truly. Thank you for letting me know. I pray that you continue to take care of yourself so you can care for the ones who need you. Bless you.
I have needed this. Badly. I feeling like I’m failing even though I’m trying my hardest to do it all “right”. I lose my patience because I’m over tired, over worked, just over everything. And my children are not better for it. My husband isn’t better for it. I’m not better. It seems like daily I want to “break something” on the floor..because I just feel broken. Not telling anyone. Not today. Today I’m sharing this with all my friends. I want them to not feel broken. I need to stop feeling broken. Thank you!
What a lovely and deeply honest piece. I think we all are very judgemental and critical of ourselves a lot of the time. Wishing you a speedy recovery and hopefully you will be home sipping delicious iced tea in no time. Thoughts and prayers going your way. X
I really needed this today! Thank you for always being honest and truthful even if it hurts to say! You are such an encouragement to all of us that read your blog! You remind us that we all fall down sometimes, the most important part is to get back up! Praying for you during your surgery!
Right now I am ugly crying .
Welcome Back! I have missed your writing so much, it’s how I start my week. I wish you well!
I’ve spent the last 4 years struggling, learning how to be a mom to boy/girl twins and spent the last 2 years being a supportive wife/fort holder downer while my husband finished up his degree. Admittedly, it feels selfish to want to do anything for myself. But I also am tired of flipping out on everyone over the slightest things because I am so frustrated at never taking time for myself. Amidst a health scare, I’ve decided I’m no good to anyone if I’m not here; I need to put some extra effort into eating healthy and getting back to running. Found a half marathon plan on the RunTrainer app and running with a goal in mind (and with out a running stroller, lol) has done wonders for me this past week. Thank you for your story, such a wonderful find and resonates so much with me right now. Blessings to you and yours
Thank you for sharing this specific step toward finding your joy again, Alma. I have no doubt someone will read this and will find his/her starting point. Wishing you continued peace and worn out treads on those running shoes, friend.
All I want to do is hug you. I needed this today. God bless you and your family and thank you for writing these, very personal, words down. You have no clue how many of us you helped today by sharing this. I may just have to print this and read it often to remind myself that I matter too and to take care of me just as much as I take care of others. ❤️
I feel your hug, Christine, and it feels so good to me today. I am so grateful my story is helping so many. I am overwhelmed with joy by the comments. I am blessed & healed by them. Thank you.
EVERY TIME. It felt like you were writing a personal email directly to ME. I am struggling with these issues right now, and you wrote my words for me, although I am not in that place yet where my mind got to the idea of taking care of me. Thank you for the words of encouragement in a time where you need encouragement. My prayers will be with you on Thursday and in the days to come that you will continue to focus on taking care of yourself so that you are better at taking care of others (which all of us mothers tend to do). I cannot wait to see the new book, I crave your words, and thank you for bearing all for us.
Luv reading all of your words ! So beautiful on so many levels ! I suffer from depression at times and this so good to read x it dies make you think of everything . The smaller things xHayley
Half your kidney?! Who missed that? Ugh. Tell Scott to get transferred to Indy so I can make you some healing fried chicken! We need to talk about this world record kidney stone. 2 surgeries?! This is crazy. Come home so I can hug you, sweet girl.
Oh my friend. How your words make me cry. Thank you for loving me. And there is really nothing I would want more than to sit in your kitchen, play with your kitties, and eat your comfort food. I loved the video of your girls looking at the scavenger hunt clues. So much love in your heart that reflects on their faces. I love you and hope to set my eyes on your beautiful face soon.
Take care of yourself. Take a break from giving and allow yourself to accept help from your friends. If we were true neighbors instead of virtual we’d be there with meals for your family, taking care of your kids, dancing in your sprinklers. Relax. Walk barefoot in the grass. Order dinner. Drink the tea and know that YOU are enough. You taught me that. <3
This makes me smile, Sallie. I love this community so much and I knew that writing to you all today would be the BEST medicine for me. Today I feel stronger than I have in weeks.
I’ll be praying for your full healing.
Thank you for sharing. The Lord spoke to me through this post so clearly. Thank you for being honest and reminding us that we’re not alone. I’ve never felt like a crappy mom until recently. My daughter is 3. I’ve worked with difficult children my entire career, and I’m good at it. And my daughter is not a difficult child for her teachers. She is smart and helpful and compassionate. But she and I together are like gasoline and matches. We just set each other off. Not all of the time, but enough of the time to make me think I pretty much suck at parenting. I remembered today when I read your post that I’m so tired and I didn’t even realize it. And I have forgotten to care for myself in so many ways. And I’m remembering that this phase will pass and things will change. So thank you for helping me remember.
Hello Rachel,
I’m crying so hard reading this, because it’s exactly what I’m going through right now.
And your words are so healing. You cannot imagine how much….! “You have feelings…”. God bless You. Take care! Sincerely, your bigest fan.
Welcome back. I didn’t realize how much I missed reading your posts. And after reading today’s, I can only say THANK YOU.
Will be praying for the doctors that will perform your surgery, and for speedy recovery for you. I am sure your daughter will be ready with her ‘special’ tea to welcome you home and take care of you!
THANK-YOU!! I love reading your posts! I received “Hands Free Mama” as a gift, and the Lord used it to work in my heart more than I could have imagined. I can’t wait to read your new book, and buy a couple of extra copies for my friends who love your writings too. Thank-you for being “real”!!
All the best this Thursday. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!
Going to get a glass of water!
Desperately needed this, you words are a gift from God straight to my heart. I was just saying to my husband how frustrated I get. I have spinal arthritis, bulging discs and lumbar spinal stenosis which means I can’t sit or stand for long periods of time , I also have two boys 6 and 8 yrs old that I would love to be more active with. There is so much more going on but I won’t get into it just know your words spoke to my soul today and I thank God for giving you this talent and I thank you for sharing it.
I write a new-ish blog about living more simply in a complicated life. It’s called Live Anyway. http://Www.liveanyway.com
I love your writing and wish you the very best in your next, and hopefully final, surgery. It’s like they say on every airline flight, “in case of emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask first, then help those next to you”
This was absolutely beautiful…and touched me deep within my soul. I pray for your healing (and for the healing and strength of those around you that are holding you up) and hope, when you feel up to it and are taking care of yourself, that you will share a bit more of your heart with us…. What a gift your writing is. Thank you again! <3
Thank you for this post. Just a few days ago my soon to be ex husband and I signed our separation agreement. It was awful getting to that point. This was the longest, coldest winter ever, for many reasons. The magnitude of what ended our marriage is truly staggering, boggling not only my mind, but the minds of at least 3 lawyers and a judge and many other support people. Think Lifetime network movie! I’m not sure if I will ever recover from it 100%. But including your post, 3 things in the last 5 days seem to be pointing me in the direction of taking a break, resting, recovering, starting to heal. I was scheduled to leave town tomorrow for a week vacation, but I may leave today. My future ex and I still have to live under the same roof for a few more weeks, and seeing him every day is difficult. As we approach the end of our life together, I need to be able to be strong and rested for myself and my daughter. I think the universe is shouting this at me!
Oh my friend, you have been through so much! I am so grateful to know you are listening to that inner voice telling you what you need right now. Be good to yourself. You have overcome such a trial! I will be thinking about you and praying for your peace and rejuvenation.
You have no idea how much I NEEDED to hear this….thank you is not enough.
This was a good day to read these words. I’ve recently moved overseas and have been overwhelmed and am sad that my children get the brunt of my stress. This was a good reminder to care for myself better.
Thank you and I hope you continue to feel better.
Rachel not only is this yet another beautifully written, and oh so touching piece, but I want to send you all of my wishes for a speedy recovery. I’m so glad you got to the bottom of your health issue and can now take care of it. And thank you for using your honest portrayals of real life to give us the wiser lessons in these moments. You are such a gift. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you, my faithful friend. So good to hear from you. You are a gift to me.
I could not have read this at a better time… This was me today, I yelled the loudest I have ever, at my 3 year old. I always trying to hold it together and deal with little implosions but today I exploded, over nothing very important. I haven’t been meeting my own needs and have struggled to balance life with a young child and newborn. I reeeeally needed to read your words. I am also a gentle parenting advocate and feel like the biggest hypocrite in these very human moments. Thank you for your honesty and sharing it with us.
This had me in tears. Thank you so much for the reminder. I need to revive the inside.
Oh my goodness! Your post made me realize this is me. I too have more loosing it moments because of the stress I feel and not ever putting myself first or taking care of myself. Thank you for sharing your feelings and putting it on paper to help me realize I’m not the only one feeling this way.
Prayers for healing and a speedy recovery! You have been missed!
Thankyou for your post..I’m sorry to read of your poor health. Your post had me so teary. To think of my harsh words and hung head after, hurts. I’m confused and lost most days on my parenting journey. I pray for your safe surgery and good recovery Rachel.God bless you and your family
Prayers for peace, sweet rest, speedy healing and forgiveness. Your posting is sweet music to my ears, reminding me of all things great and beautiful. Reminding me of the many people and things I have let slip through my grasp, my attention, my time…which all spell out neglect and selfishness. Prayers for forgiveness from my Father, myself and those I love so deeply. This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it….His mercies are new every morning…Great is His faithfulness.
You cannot possibly know what this meant to me, this morning. I sat here fighting back tears because I’m at work and they frown on crying at the front desk, apparently.
Thank you for sharing your journey, and I hope it helps to know that you’re inspiring so many other journeys – so much additional healing. Thank you.
What a blessing I received today through your openness and honesty. Thank you for sharing your life. It was exactly what I needed today! God bless you and keep you safe during your upcoming surgery.
I reached my breaking point…again ….yesterday. Had to stop completely – went to my room for the entire evening. Had a good long cry and fell asleep for 12 hours. Read this first thing this morning. Printing it out now to post on my mirror. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok when I say no to more demands and I take time for myself. Working on moving that realization up so I don’t have to get to the end of myself before I know I need a break.
Thank you for this piece. It really spoke to me. I wish you all the best as you go through your last surgery and return to your beautiful family. Thank you for your honesty in this piece – very brave. Bravery I don’t have. I just break down in front of my family and act like I’m perfect to everyone else. Best wishes to you.
Good to have you back! I know a thing or two about feeling overwhelmed when health issues and parenting are combined. I’m trying to stop struggling and just letting all these crazy parts of life co-exist.
Thank you for being an inspiration, not only do you always get back up but you share it with such a open heart. Good luck with your surgery, I wish you a speedy recovery!
Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way! Thank you so much for continuing to share your journey with us…you are a continued inspiration to start fresh each day and make it the best possible.
A wonderful reminder to take care of our own medical needs/worries! Wishing you smooth healing and good health. Love your daughter’s responses/solutions … smart, sweet girl.
Thanks for posting. I needed to be reminded that it’s OK for me to concentrate on me and not everyone else because if I feel better, I will be better to my family and friends.
I am going to care for myself today by going to yoga and leaving EVERYTHING at the door so I can concentrate on me.
Wishing you a surgery with no complications and a speedy recovery.
I’m not sure I’ve ever read anything of yours before, but had the blessing of running into this post today.
I’ve been there in a million ways as a homeschooling mama of five… so many, many awful moments of regret at things coming out sideways from inside of a soul that just always forgot to take care of itself.
Part of my own struggle is that I have no template in my life for what it looks like for a mama to do steady self-care: my own mama of six never did anything to care for herself– it would have felt sinful to her.
So I look around to see how I’m supposed to do this self-care thing. I fight the voice inside of me that whispers to me that I don’t deserve to take time off, to be alone restoratively, to interrupt the family in order to exercise. I get so tired of that voice. But I learn more everyday to ignore it– to just find ways to restore my soul, even when it feels uncomfortable or disruptive to those who count on me.
I will hold you in prayer as you move forward into this surgery! I ask for healing and peace for you, Sister. Thank you for shining a light into the darkness and having courage to show your sisters and brothers that they do not struggle alone. Blessings to you <3
so happy that you are back! I have missed your encouraging words. Praying for your health and a speedy recovery from your surgery. You are a gift and a blessing to many including your family-
I needed this post. I also get so caught up in caring for my kids, husband & home, that I put myself on the back burner. I quietly suffer inside, until it all comes out in an explosion of frustration and then I feel like a crumb on the floor. I even get irritated when my two daughters (10 & 12) try and help or do things I know I’m capable of doing. Like I’m being insulted or something. They’re just trying to make my load lighter but my pride gets in the way. I feel like it’s a sickness. And I’ve had chronic pain in my neck & head for a few years and because of having no health insurance, I’ve only been to a chiropractor, which I didn’t stay consistent in. I’m so grateful to have God in my life, because without my ability to go to Him for peace and comfort, I don’t know where I would be! Thank you for this post. You’ve opened my eyes and I’m so grateful! May God bless you and have His hand upon you always!
Wow. Thanks for sharing. I had no idea I needed this until the tears flowed while reading this. Keep going strong!
I must say I have missed you. It feel like you speak to me directly when I needed you mist suddenly here you were. I am an ocd anxiety the laundry has to folded and bed Time has to happen kind of mom and I am desperately trying g to change my ways to enjoy the moments that come so often that I miss because I’m folding laundry. I have been following you about 7 months now and finally bought the first book and preordered the second. Because I need to carry you with me. I need daily reminders because I am far from out of the woods. And some days I lay in bed wondering did I give my kids the best of me today and too often the answer is still no. Today I needed this to find me and thank you.
I am so glad you are here, walking beside me. I am so glad we are in this together.
“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” -Frederick Beuchner
Sometimes, these words seem truer when we’re holding a glass of home-brewed iced tea.
And they are often truer when we’re at our lowest, when we’re tired and all we can do is ask those closest to lean a little deeper in, to love us in our need.
And there, we find the kindness of God, and we are no longer afraid.
You’re making it, sweet friend, and He is so good in the midst.
Love you.
Thank you, beautiful one. I missed your healing voice ringing through my home yesterday. It brings me (and Avery) such joy. I look forward to hearing it Sunday. I am praying for your strength as you get back to yourself.
Thank you, just thank you so much for today’s story. Yes, even the best do fall down sometimes. Or begin to believe their feelings have no merit. Sometimes so may bottled up feelings and thoughts get so overwhelming I shutdown my feelings not to hurt anymore. I find myself in the danger zone again today. I have been praying all weekend for some enlightenment on whether to share my feelings & fears or to just keep them between myself and God. I still don’t have the full answer yet. But, you validated that my feelings do have merit and I can ask ” If I lay here. If I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we’re told. before we get to old show me the garden that’s bursting into life. ” ( chasing cars ) I also keep listening to Amy Grant’s How Mercy Looks from here. Love how God keeps me in check. So today is a grace and mercy filled day, I intend to pull myself together and let God lead me, but today I will follow. Again thank you. I will be praying for a gentle recovery time for you post surgery.
What a beautiful, honest, relatable reflection you have shared. I will be praying for continued enlightenment and one next step in a positive direction.
PS The Chasing Cars song is also one of my all-time favorite songs.
You have seriously made a huge impact on my life. Not because you are perfect but because you are human & you aren’t afraid to admit your faults. Your words have helped me on many a days & continue to. Thanks for sharing your life, your experience, & your struggles. It certainly has helped me feel like I’m not crazy & that on most days with two toddlers is my breath of fresh air. Sending positive thoughts & hope for a speedy recovery. One day at a time is sometimes all we have & that’s ok. Thanks again for being you & sharing your life. It really has touched & helped on some of the worst days.
Thank you for taking the time to tell me this, Jessica. It brings me a lot of comfort and peace today.
You words resonate with me so very much this morning. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. As I sit here in tears after reading your post and comments, I am reminded we are all in this together, even though I often feel terribly alone. Thank you for helping me remember that. It’s crazy how in this day and age of email and instant messaging and texting, so many of us feel terribly alone. I wish all of us could gather together in a giant group hug!
As I was reading through your post, the verses from Matthew 11:28-30 came across my phone via iDisciple. It couldn’t have been more timely and I must share it with you:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Have a blessed day, Rachel. I will be praying for you, your family and the medical team. I, too, have suffered the pain of kidney stones. Not to the point of surgery, but, it has been enough to help me kick the soda habit. Now if I have a taste of one, it tastes like chemicals. Blech! Giving up coffee is proving to be much more difficult. I will have to tea a try.
Thank you for sharing your heart today. I hope you can feel all the prayers and love all your readers are sending you.
This was beautiful and just what I needed to hear. Thank you, Michelle.
I have been there… recently. You put it into words so well.
Rachel-I’ve printed out so many of your words and taped them up in places around my home. Thank you for such honesty in this update. We all have bad days, I just had one last week. Too much yelling, not enough patience, and it took my whole family down. Even after apologies and forgiveness, I still think about it daily. I’m trying to take better care of ME. I’ve allowed myself to get sleep deprived, I’ve gained a little weight, and I feel like the days are just rushing by. I know it’s not just me–thank you so much for writing this. Get well, and we will be here, hopefully better ourselves.
Thank you for sharing. God has impeccable timing and has used you as His vessel. Praying for your surgery and for the doctors performing it. Be well and thanks for your wonderful post.
I just wanted to say thank you for a wonderful article. Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I forced myself to go back to the gym this morning after three months. I have been taking care of my teenage son who almost died from an eating disorder this past spring. We spent five weeks together in Children’s Hospital getting him stabilized and are now at home continuing the hard work. I also have four other children. Obviously my husband and I are very busy and needless to say we have not taken time for ourselves or our relationship. We are both going to try to get on a new track this week and your article was so perfectly timed and so appropriate! Just doing one 45 minute exercise class this morning has given me new life and energy. Thank you for taking the time to write despite all your challenges right now. I wish you the best and look forward to reading your new book.
Thank you, dear Lisa. I am so sorry to hear about all you have been through. I hope the hardest part is behind you. I am glad to know you are taking care of you.
It seems like every time I read your blog it is exactly what I needed to hear. I am sending all good energy your way. You are surrounded by love and light.
The super mom/dad expectation that we all secretly want to be in our heads is the enemy, all of the negative self talk that comes from not reaching this expectation eats away at us. There is so much information out there that you can read about how you are doing it right or wrong. Meanwhile I am just trying to understand my babies, support my family, and yes failing to take care of ourselves can have dangerous repercussions. Your beautiful writing is refreshing, and it is so refreshing to realize that there is someone who I completely relate to. Thank you so very much for your gift to your followers. Thank you for you. Just thank you.
I was just thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you’ve been. While I’m sad to learn you’ve been through such a dark time both mentally and physically, I’m so thankful to read you’re on the road to recovery. If you don’t mind a suggestion, balance the tea with water. While it’s not bad for you the way diet soda is, it’s not necessarily optimum to drink just tea. Thinking of you and sending prayers and love your way, sweet friend! Sandra
Thank you, Sandra. This is an important point. I have been drinking water like it is going out of style! I fill a large pitcher in the morning and my goal is to drink it all by the end of the day. The tea is like my little “treat”. It always brings me joy to hear from you. I hope you are well, my friend.
Oh, Rachel, you are so right, someone needed this today! It was me! I am sitting here in a coffee shop giving myself permission to be and crying. For you, for me, for all of us that can’t stop doing for others and ignoring ourselves. I yelled this morning. I was asked by my sweet one to “not yell at her anymore.” I have pushed my husband to the limit. And I have been sick for 9 days and am only on the other side of this terrible infection because I finally stopped and demanded a physician help me. In fact, went to 5 physicians in five days (including the ER) until we got it right! I am so glad you persevered. I did too and this journey is painful but I am realizing it is just that…a journey and my lessons are just beginning. You have helped me see that. Thank you so much and I am so proud of you for taking care of you. It is so hard! Ask for help, do not feel guilty and get better. We are all in this together! In fact, carry on, warrior!
Oh Shelly! I am so glad you shared your story! This will help someone else know we must be our own advocates! We must not ignore the red flags. We must listen to our bodies. I am so glad you are getting help too. We are not alone in our struggles or our triumphs! Bless you, dear one.
Thanks for this – it was a lifesaver this morning.
Thank you for your ever-encouraging words. I pray you feel fully-well quickly.
Beautiful honest words. Thank you. May God speed your recovery. He delights to hold onto you when you are tired and weak. His grace is sufficient. His arms are able. God bless you and your precious daughter. May every sip of tea bring you healing.
So beautiful and healing. Thank you, dear Julie.
Oh dear friend….. I so wish I was the RN holding your hand as you were prepped for surgery, or the one in post op/recovery room, keeping you comfortable!!! Or the neighbor bringing you and your family meals while you recover. Or the trusted friend taking care of your little iced tea maker!! (my 13 yr old daughter would have loved every second of that job, and would love a lesson on how to make “real tea” from loose tea!). But instead, I am your {fan} friend , who will be whispering your name to the God who is so pleased with you, is never mad at you, and who loves you more than anyone ever could, for healing, and for peace while you recover and make some changes to take care of yourself consistently. You are so important, not only to your family/friends/ but to us, your fans!! Love, your fan who is living for Sept 8th!!!!
Debi
Ps… I’m so sorry about all the kidney issues. You’re VERY blessed, that in the process of breaking down that day, you made a decision to make changes that lead you to getting good medical care for this. Kidney damage is serious stuff sister…. so maybe your little one giving you advice saved you from a world of trouble. I say you need to raise her allowance a little. Teavana is pricey, but worth it! 😉
Oh Debi, you have brought me so much joy with your beautiful message. I am so blessed by my loving readers! I cannot even tell you what this means to me. And I got such a chuckle about the Teavana comment. Natalie will also get a kick out of it and totally agree with you! 🙂 Thank you for loving me and praying for me. It makes all the difference.
I try to remember that in an airplane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on your children or others that need help. Glad you are putting on your oxygen mask first because otherwise you are no help to anyone else. Trying to find a way to take this advice for myself, as that’s not how I was raised…my sweet 78 yr old mom still does everything for everyone and that’s where I learned that skill. 🙂 Take care of yourself and then you can help all others with your wise words of advice. Hang in there, the best is yet to come!
Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your sweet words with us and being open and honest about life. I pray your surgery goes very well and you are up and writing again soon. You are such a blessing to so many women. Take care of you!
Thank you for sharing this raw truth. I’m there with you. Been trying to keep everything in line so much that no one is having fun. It’s time to focus on some fun and mess-making, and let things go… Wondering if your daughter would share her tea recipes. My 7-y-o son loves inventing, and would love to be in charge of making teas for the family. Thanks also to everyone else who posted. Your sharing encourages me that it’s not just me trying to be looser, more fun, etc.
Feel free to email me at rachelstafford@handsfreemama.com. Natalie would love to share her tea recipes. Thank you for taking time to comment. Everything that everyone has shared here today is just so comforting and healing.
My mom was the same way. We used to say she was crazy. She’d scream, cry, throw things but in the end she was loving, compassionate, caring, we never ONCE worried about lights, heat, plumbing or a place to live. She was always there, always. People are people. I look back and realize I am not as good a mom as she was. I was in a bad marriage and tried to stick it out because my parents were divorced and I wanted my kids to have two parents, it made our house unstable. My husband was angry, unstable, mean, militaristic. There is unstable and there is the occasional freak out. I think your daughter is lucky to have you. I am doing “damage control” now with my kids. Damage control is not so great but now that my husband is out, maybe we can have a short period of “good” before they leave the house for their adult lives so they can see more for who I really am. You are doing a great job, believe me, it could be a lot worse. You’re entitled to a meltdown and one day your daughter will be too. It lets her know she can be vulnerable around people she loves. The correct response after a meltdown is I’m sorry and ice tea offered by the other person. That’s called love=)
Thank you for this reminder. As a Mom to 5 girls, my life always feels hectic. Summer break is a bit better but I’m already dreading the back to school routine. It’s overwhelming most days. I would love to do something for myself but to be honest, I don’t even know what that would be?! (It’s been too long)
I am looking forward to your book, maybe then I’ll take some time to sip some tea & read…
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much. I am going through a very difficult time right now and have found my patience thin and I feel like I am running on autopilot, skimming the surface of everything and stuffing on the actual “feeling” and thinking deep down inside. I needed this reminder to cut myself some lack and find some love for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I needed this today. Your story and words have just touched on the strongest feelings I fight through this journey of motherhood. Thank you for honestly and openly sharing this post. Well wishing for a successful surgery and recovery.
I think you are setting the best example for your daughter. Yes you messed up (I do it too) but you show her how to admit when you have and ask for forgiveness. And I think this is such an important thing! I haven’t been taking care of myself….kind of just going through the motions (at times). Post divorce is hard but it’s time to find out who I am as a person.
Thank you for coming back, you were missed. As I read, I completely saw myself in that situation and the eyes of my four and two year olds looking at me when I’ve completely messed things up. This was an inspiring piece, I desperately need to care for myself, have time on my own, stop dwelling on everything I don’t have and cherish what I do have.
I hope the surgery goes well, I’ll be thinking of you and your recovery.
A big hug from Mexico City,
Amanda.
I also really needed this today. I’m a single mom and we moved a year ago and nothing has been the same since. My 9 year old and I battle daily and I am frequently in tears from frustration. I too have been neglecting myself, my health and my well being and it has also taken its toll. Collide is a favorite for me, too. In fact my daughter and I were singing it in the car the other day. I appreciate your posts more than I can ever express in words and I thank you for sharing your gift of expression so that others like me can see their inner turmoil reflected back – to realize that we are not alone and that there is a way out and the potential for a rainbow after the rain.
Oh goodness how I needed to read this tonight. I think I shall save it and re read it again and again.
I have been progressively losing faith in myself as a mother, feeling guilty over my outbursts at my children and fearing that I am failing them.
I am being proactive and have reached out to others to help.
Your words are so encouraging and give me hope. Thank you x
I absolutely love your extremely heartfelt and helpful site. And I am a Grandma! I am the daycare provider for two of my granddaughters, and your insights and wisdom have helped me listen to my granddaughters, especially the child who is more high-strung than the other. We have averted melt-downs before school now by me following your simple steps. I get upset if she leaves for school unhappy. I will order your book.
Thank you for being here, Mary Anne. I am grateful to know my words have helped you and your precious granddaughters. Thank you for ordering my book. That supportive action enables me to keep writing as my occupation and fulfill my life’s purpose. I am so grateful.
From one Rachel to another. Thank you for your poetry and the pictures you paint with words. They are good reminders to me that the road I am on is the right one.
I am moving house tomorrow to start a new life in a beautiful part of England, UK. It is a new adventure for me. I have a place to live, but no job yet. I will spend the summer turning my new house into a home, having fun with my son. exploring my new neighbourhood and rediscovering a lost part of myself.
Hope your surgery goes well and that your health and happiness continue to improve. x
You have everything I can offer. If you need more, I will find it.
I love you, Alexandra. Just keep writing. It is balm to my soul and brings laughter when I need it.
If hands free life is as good as what I just read, I’ll need a case of kleenex. Hugs and thank you!
Thank you, Stacy! What an incredible compliment. I cannot wait to present HANDS FREE LIFE to the world. It is my hope that it will instill an urgency to LIVE, LOVE, Connect, rest, restore, and dream back into our overstretched and weary hearts.
Thank you for posting this! Just this morning while my 2 and 5 year olds were eating breakfast they asked me “Mom, why do you yell so much?” Ugh, what a punch to the gut! What a reminder you gave me that I need to take better care of myself so that I can be my best for those I love.
Good morning Rachel from Ontario Canada!
This post was a MUCH needed read for me ….. You see 6 months ago one of my best friends lost her battle with breast cancer at the young age of 43. She leaves behind 3 young children and a husband.
The pain of the silent void in my life is evident each day and I have been trying to keep my grief “in check” to push past the loss, help others deal with death and try to be there for her family as this was one of her last requests of me.
Last weekend I was your casserole dish …. I had reached my capacity to cope and came crashing down like your glass dish – overwhelmed, deeply hurting and feeling very empty.
I am blessed with a loving husband and a couple very close friends who were there to help me pick up the pieces and realize I haven’t let myself let all the pain out!
My girls have seen me “break” and are trying to process it and understand that even the best…the strongest in their eyes … Aren’t super heroes – we do fall down but we have others to help us up and move forward.
Your vulnerability and honesty are a blessing ❤️ Thank you for sharing
Excellent post. We all need to remember that perfection doesn’t exist and self care is super important. All the best to you. Keep you in my thoughts and wishing you a speedy recovery.
I just happened across your blog today and I very much needed to read these words. After years of being in a marriage with someone who only knows how to take, I am still trying to find all of the pieces of myself. As women, many of us give everything to make sure everyone around us is thriving and forget our own needs- I was so far gone I truly didn’t recognize myself when I finally looked. I have an amazing relationship with my children and I am so grateful, working on my own dreams and goals has moved up on my priority list even though my plate is more full than ever. Art is for me as writing seems to be for you, so I am finding ways to incorporate it into my life again- and it feels great. Your words today encouraged me to keep pushing as I know I am going in the right direction.
I wish you a smooth recovery and hope this surgery takes care of your health issues for good.
Thanks for the reminder.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed to read this today. I took on way too much work with way too little childcare this summer, and I completely lost any time for myself. Consequently, I’ve resorted to unbelievably negative behavior with my kids, which caused me to feel tremendous guilt and unhappiness, which only fueled the problem more. This inspired me to take time for myself – time away from work projects and – yes – even time away from my kids so I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better employee, a better person. Thank you so much for your honesty and grace. You’ve made my day a much better one.
Incredibly powerful…..Thank you so much for your candidness, for writing and sharing this.
I am a 46 year-old-mama to twins who just had her second hysterectomy (yes, that is a story in and of itself), am going through a fast and furious medical menopause and all of the challenging changes that brings. I have moments of great struggle to “keep it all together” and I am grateful that you words have come to me at this time. Thank you.
Cheers,
Katie
Thank you for your generous spirit and kindness in sharing, supporting and offering hope, wisdom and forgiveness to others. I am sorry to hear of your dark times. Best wishes on a speedy recovery. I too have felt overwhelmed as a single Mom and feel like I’ve lost my way with my 7yo. Too much work, exhausted and depleted. Thank you for the grounding. Sending healing light and warm thoughts to you and yours!
Rachel, I had sent you a pm some time ago that I was flowing my dream by selling my business and refocusing on myself, my family, and homeschooling my kids. As of June 19th I finished work and began the transition to our new normal. It has been amazing, but also hard. Things haven’t changed for better overnight like I hoped. I needed this reminder to continue to focus on caring for me to be the person that I want to be for family and friends.
Thank you for all of your reminders and posts, they really do help me stay centered. I am also re reading your first book and I am looking forward to the next. Sending healing thoughts to you, take care of your self.
Thank you for sharing where you are right now in such an honest and relatable way. I see so much progress in your story. I hope that today you can look back on how far you come and see it too. Blessings, dear one.
Thank you thank you!!! I can not say that enough! This is my exact struggle, making sure my needs are met and taking caring of me! Thank you for your heart, your words, and courage to share this with all of us! I’m so grateful I came across this and didn’t scroll past. This past weekend was rough for me as a mama, cranky and using a bad tone with my girls while trying to teach them kindness?? I know, truly ironic!! So I’m soaking all this in and remembering me, it all starts with me! Thank you!!
You are changing our world and hearts with these invaluable posts (that make me cry, EVERY time). But I cry because I can relate and I know that so many other people are also touched in the same deep and raw way. Bless your heart and continued prayers for your next surgery and healing. We are glad to read from you again.
Thank you for saying such a beautiful comment. I will keep it close to my heart.
Praying for complete restoration to good health for you, Rachel.
I have been longing for your posts. This one was worth the wait.
I’ve “been there, done that” for so many of them… Having to say “I’m sorry” too many times to my granddaughter (who lives with me) for my foolish rants. Just when I feel like I’m doing better, I see that I’m not. I don’t take care of myself, but after this post, I want to try because my granddaughter deserves better from me. First up, I’m drinking my last Pepsi right now.
This means everything to me, Kris.
My husband and I are struggling with infertility. I never thought this would be a part of our story, but it is and therefore we are wading through each childless month with fragile strength.
When I read those bold, italic words in June which started you’d be taking a break from writing I instantly started to cry. Not because I was upset or disapproved, but because I was scared. Over the past several months your words have been there for me when my own have not. Your words have offered me practical parallel’s to God’s promises and granted my soul hope when it truly had none.
I realized my crutch would be gone and that The Time had come. The Time had come for me to spread my wings, to put those truths in my heart and actions in ways I never have before.
God has done just that. He has grown me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I wish I could say we are expecting now, but we are not. Instead we continue to wait. I am reminded of your encouraging words “It could mean anticipating a moment of goodness is upon you if you just keep showing up” –and showing up we will, even if we show up weak, tired, frail, and with haggard hope, we trust that He is faithful.
We’ll be in prayer for you and your family as your final surgery approaches. Thank you for giving strength to me through your vulnerable, open love.
Oh sweet Elizabeth, how much this means to me to hear YOUR story, YOUR pain, YOUR fears … how much it means to me to hear YOUR strength … YOUR HOPE … YOUR Faith … YOUR patience. I thank God for connecting us. I am holding on and you hold the other line. Bless you, dear one.
Thank you for sharing your heart. This is the first time I have read your posts and I desperately needed to read this today (esp as this was the second day in a row to clean spilled milk). I have felt like a failure as a mom and that I have really messed things up. This summer (well 2 past years) has been so hard and I feel stuck-so this post was a good reminder. I could go on and on about what’s going on even like said “thoughts in my head that would never say out loud” and then I do lash out with words that never should have been said. I must take care of myself.
I’m praying for your surgery and your complete healing. I have had several surgeries and God has been my only strength. And sounds like you are a great mother-look at what your daughter has learned from you-giving, being a comforter and showing forgiveness. Have a blessed day!
Rachel,
Your words seemed to find their way to me just when I need them the most. As an overworked mom who has been also caring for a sick parent these last 7 months I know I have been putting myself last yet have not found the time/the way/the inspiration to start caring more for myself along with everyone else. Thank you for the confirmation of what has been nagging me in the back of my mind for the last few weeks. Time to bring me up to the front as well.
I have missed reading your blog these last 6 weeks. Prayers sent for a speedy recovery that takes care of your health issues once and for all. Love and light to you and yours!
I did forget – and with tears streaming down my face as I type this – I thank you.
Beautiful post! So sorry you’re break hasn’t been a real break at all, but if it allowed you time for self care, it was worth it! I too had to break with ‘dark’ colored drinks years ago as a result of similar issues and you are correct – they don’t taste good again once you do and your body will be so grateful you did it! There are some herbal remedies that can provide some additional assistance too – asparagus extract, essential oil blends, etc.
And regarding your self care, I took a (long overdue) walk last night and ran into a few moms in my neighborhood that were all just running on fumes! We MUST take care of ourselves and it’s so hard when we’re ill, our children are ill, deadlines are looming, etc., but families suffer greatly when moms are down! We’re all networking and praying, but quiet time is in such short supply! It will mean we have messy houses, uncooked dinners, but we must do it! Thanks for always encouraging and inspiring us to do that!
Stay strong, sweet lady! Hope your surgery goes well and you’re up to doing (minimal!) writing soon! Many prayers are headed your way!
Thank you for sharing your story! You and your family are in my prayers as you go through this trying time.
This entry came at a time when I needed to hear it most. It reminds me to stop feeling guilt over taking some time for myself and my little family, instead of taking care everyone else (I have a big extended family). I’ve started to focus on making better memories for my 5 yo daughter and trying to gain her forgiveness for being such a tyrant to her beautiful, kind, and loving soul! I find myself in years with every entry I read and think to myself “I am not alone”. That in itself calms my own soul. Thank you, for helping us see that there is a light!
Rachel,
I also battle kidney stones and my urologist said tea is actually one of the worst things you can drink. I LOVE tea so it’s been tough, but I haven’t had a stone since I cut it out. I guess it could depend on which type of stones you get, but you should check with your Dr. Sorry, your daughter’s tea sounds wonderful, just please limit your intake to avoid any more kidney stones.
Thank you, Amy. I am grateful you took the time to leave this important comment. My urologist is in the process of doing a full report on my health issue. She said it is necessary for me to get completely healthy for them to get a baseline–so that will be soon. She is doing a report on the stone’s make up, as well as blood work results. She is going to make dietary suggestions for me and I will follow them faithfully. I do not care for tea, but I take a sip and it feels like love to my soul because my child made it for me. I will stick to my water until I know what is best for me. I do not want to go through this again!
Hope your surgery goes well. Thank you again and again for sharing your stories.
Thank you so much. I truly needed this precious reminder, that I have to take care of myself ao I can take care of my precious ones!
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed to hear this, especially today.
Do you have any suggestions on how to handle sibling fighting? I too am a Type A, list-following, obsessive-compulsive person whose family used to suffer from my rages. Thanks to you and your many, many thoughts and ideas on how to slow down and concentrate on what’s really important, I feel like I am doing pretty well at handling things on an individual basis with my girls, ages 10 and 12, but for some reason when they fight with each other, it makes me blow up! I think it has something to do with how upset it makes me when I hear them being so unkind and disrespectful towards each other. It makes me crazy and I revert back to my rants (and slammed doors this weekend, I’m ashamed to say) and I end up saying unkind things I completely regret too. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle those situations in the moment?
I am so glad you are healing and taking better care of yourself!
Hi Stacey – thank you for the great question. I am going to ask my brilliant colleague to respond for me as I am trying to take it easy and get extra rest as I recover from the first surgery and prepare for the second. Sandy Blackard is an award winning author and parenting coach who has helped many of my readers via email. I will ask her to comment. Thank you!
Rachel, thank you for taking care of yourself and helping all of us do the same. Your post not only reminds up how important you are to us, but helps us see how important we are to those in our own lives. You are a treasure!
And thank you, Stacey, for sharing your concerns so others can be helped in the process. As Rachel says frequently, you are not alone in your struggles, your rages, and your intense commitment to move toward love and acceptance of yourself and your children.
So for starters, I have to say that if your worst action when you go crazy, rant and rage is slamming doors, that shows a lot of self-control! If you don’t believe me, think back to that feeling of rage the moment right before the slam. I’ll bet there is a brief second when you actually check that the slam won’t hurt anybody and give yourself permission to let go. The part of yourself that gives you permission knows something you don’t – your need for power at that moment is very high, and very real, and cannot be ignored.
So choosing a door slam after a brief safety scan is not a bad choice. There are probably plenty of readers who are wishing that door slams were their worst go-to reaction. If you would rather choose something else, that’s fine, as long as it meets your need for power just as well. If it doesn’t, you’ll default to door slamming, which as I said is certainly not the worst way to blow off steam and calm down.
What you cannot do, no matter how hard you try, is NOT react to the kind of power drop which occurs when your hot buttons are pushed. Your reactions are built into you in terms of fight, flight or freeze, all of which meet the need for power in one way or another. So rather than try to change your reaction to a hot button, it’s more effective to change the way you see your children’s interactions, so your hot buttons are not set off.
That’s why I was happy to hear that you are aware of yours: “unkind and disrespectful.” Your daughters probably have the exact same ones. So the thing to do in the moment when they start to fight is to get everyone “present.”
Here’s how:
Hold back and observe for a moment before responding, then describe what each one WANTS without judging or fixing the problem. What they want is what they are trying to get the other to hear and respect. What they want has to be heard for them to stop attacking each other and move into problem-solving.
Intervening by describing each child’s point of view, including what they want, is actually mediation. It can sound like this:
You: “Whoa! You two are fighting! Something must be wrong.”
12 YO: “I don’t want her in my room. She keeps coming in and taking stuff.”
10 YO: “I want this.”
12 YO: “Mom!!! That’s mine, and I don’t want her to have it!”
10 YO: “But I need it, and she never lets me have it.”
You: “You (12 YO) want your stuff to stay in your room; and you (10 YO) need that and never get to have it. Hmm. That IS a problem! Must be something you can do that would work for both of you.”
As they offer solutions, you will learn more about what they want, so keep restating that. That way you will find out if the older child’s problem is that her sister comes into her room, takes stuff, or doesn’t ask; and if the younger child’s problem is that she needs something and doesn’t know how to get it, or if she wants her sister’s attention or yours. All of those have different solutions.
When you get to the heart of the problem, solutions become more obvious. Plus by listening and letting them solve their own problems, they learn how to get along without your intervention.
If you’d like to know more, my little handbook SAY WHAT YOU SEE® gives you 3 simple steps for interacting with kids without reacting. You can buy a copy or read it free on my website from a PC or MAC (not mobile):
http://www.languageoflistening.com/resources/read-swys-book/
Thank you for the effort to outline such a detailed, practical answer. You were right, other reader is helped.
Plus, please pray for as we practice this in our homes. Really well covered.
Sandy,
I can’t tell you how much your response means to me. You took the time to write such a detailed and real-life answer, which shot right to my heart like an arrow. I never realized that my slamming doors (along with a few choice yelled phrases) really IS my way to gain control over a situation (and people) that I cannot control. That is why I think their fighting gets to me more than almost anything else…I am not in control. What I hate about my choice to slam doors is that I feel like it shows them that I cannot control myself and if I can’t control my actions, how can I expect them to control theirs?! I usually try to ignore their fighting (freeze) to allow them a chance to work it out between them, which doesn’t usually happen, and then I blow up (fight). I am going to work on intervening BEFORE those hot buttons get pushed and try to keep all of us “in the moment” as you suggested. That makes so much sense.
You are right too about mostly what my daughters are probably wanting is to be heard and respected. Since I can identify with that, I will try and make that happen to avoid it escalating to the point of no return.
And I will DEFINITELY be reading “Say What You See” next!
Thanks so very much!
Stacey, you completely got it and are on your way! It warms my heart to know that I could be of help you and JB, too. Thank you both for letting me know !
Thank you so very much for caring enough to refer me to Sandy while you are healing and resting up! The most I was expecting was a link to a prior blog and instead I got a personalized answer from her — I can’t tell you how much that means to me! I will be praying for your continued recovery and sending hugs your way!
How magical our universe is when something you need to hear comes to you in such a beautiful way.
This past week, during a time of stress, big transitions and very little sleep, I’ve been struggling with overwhelm as well as feeling my feelings without judgement or needing to fix them. A mantra that’s become my savior is: I’m feeling X and that’s okay.
Sending you light and love for your surgery, recovery and your journey. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
I have struggled with kidney stones since my first pregnancy 18 years ago and have had so many removal surgeries I lost count. It is very important to understand what your kidney stone is made of. My stones are Calcium Oxalate and if you follow a low oxalate diet you can reduce the number of stones you get. The diet I follow for the type of stones I produce does not suggest drinking tea. Do some research once you know the type of stones you produce.
Hi Connie – thank you so much for this important information. My urologist is in the process of doing a full report on my health issue. She said it is necessary for me to get completely healthy for them to get a baseline–so that will be soon. She is doing a report on the stone’s make up, as well as blood work results. She is going to make dietary suggestions for me and I will follow them faithfully. I do not care for tea, but I take a sip and it feels like love to my soul because my child made it for me. I appreciate your helpful information and know it will help all who read it.
I’m so glad you wrote again!! I always treasure your words. I almost always pass your words onto friends. This was the best yet! I will be praying for your surgery and recovery. Thank you, Rachel, for being so brave and real. You got this!
Thank you so much for all you share and all the inspiration!
Sending best wishes for a quick recovery and the chance to make more time to look after yourself in future – I know how hard it is!
HUGS
I also came to this realization as I struggled through my own dark times, that we need to remember ourselves – that each of us is a person and that each of us has value. It is my passion to remind people now – YOU HAVE VALUE. Love yourself, listen to yourself, care for yourself.
Tears welled up as I read this and I thought of all the people forgetting themselves, and especially one in particular who gave up on herself and I had to walk away from loving her. Thank you for these beautiful words.
As for what I’ve done to care for me today…I’ve taken advantage of being on vacation at my parents house and got up early this morning, leaving all four kids and my parents still sleeping, and drove into the nearby city to the Y with my hubby. I did a Body Sculpt class and a Core class while hubby did a water workout, and then we had a light lunch together before heading back out to the country and our family.
Relaxed, refreshed, and feeling strong and joyful. 🙂
Best wishes for your upcoming surgery, and prayers for quick healing!
I have never needed to read anything more in my whole life as this page today. Thank you. And I send you the gift of Healing Energy to make you whole and well again. Your daughter is a precious angel on Earth. Embrace her every day. I’m so glad I read this.
Thank you, Loree. Your words touch me deeply. You can count on me to hold my precious angel close every single day. Peace be with you.
Be encouraged, Rachel! We love you and miss you. Your honesty and openness are SO refreshing and appreciated. Hurry back soon!
I started doing exactly everything you wrote in this blog on June 6th. You see, June 5th was the last day of school and my husband and I had gotten out lives so over scheduled and over committed that I felt like we were just barely holding it together. On June 6th I started running again. It has taken me until this weekend to get through a 3 miles run without stopping to walk at least once. As of June 6th, I started taking better care of myself, which has allowed me to be more present with my family.
Funny though…just last night I went to bed late, feeling over worked and worried about how I will get everything done this week, while still working my day job. Your blog was the perfect slap on my face reminder I needed today. Breath….do what you can do…sleep…enjoy.
Best wishes with your surgery!! If you want motivation to never again drink soda, my MIL had your same situation and she used to live on caffeine free diet coke. She did not drink enough water…just the soda. There is a connection. A once a month treat…sure. But daily…just don’t do it. Your body will be grateful to you! BTW, my MIL does not drink soda any more either.
You are an amazing woman. Not perfect…none of us are. But you learn from your downs and you share your moments with us, so we all learn…or are validated. Thank you!!
Thank you for the motivation, Julie. I love to hear what you are doing to care for yourself. I also appreciate you sharing about your MIL’s situation. I have gone weeks without the Coke Zero and feel like it might be behind me for good. I just cannot imagine going through this pain again.
Simply beautiful and calming to my perturbed soul. I sat here on my couch this morning and began searching for some motivation for my day. I saw your ‘new post link’ in my email and I smiled. I was so glad to see you back I hadn’t realized how much I missed your calming prose. Thank you and get better soon! It gives me courage to know even the best fall down. Thank the Lord for his Atoning sacrifice that can make us whole in our imperfection. Love and Hugs!
Rachel,
Thank you for your wonderful and encouraging words. You bring so much light to this very stressful world.
I can relate to your present situation in battling the kidney stone. I have suffered from numerous stones since I was 22 and I’m now 37. I’ve always had very large stones that had to be surgically removed. Last year at this time, I had a kidney stone so large that it completely blocked the ureter to my right kidney and I had severe hydronephrosis. I had surgery to remove it and a very painful stent put in place for 2 weeks. I was just informed by my urologist last week that I have developed yet another stone in my left kidney. This time I will have lithotripsy to blast the stone before it can get too large.
It is a very harsh illness and very painful but I know that you are strong and can get through it, especially with the help of your precious daughters.
Thank you again for all of the encouragement and love that you have sent out into the world to help of of the stressed and overwhelmed Mamas, who regularly criticize ourselves and need reminding to love our families and ourselves.
Daphne
Oh Daphne, my heart hurts as I read what you have been through. The pain from the stent alone is enough to make me want to crawl in my bed and cry. I cannot imagine going through this process again and again as you have. I pray that the lithotripsy works and that you are free of the stones forever. Thank you for sharing and letting me know you understand what I am experiencing. It is so comforting to me.
Wow, Rachel!! I’m so glad that you are getting well & taking care of you as well as letting yourself be cared for by others. Know that your words have once again arrived at a time when they were most needed. Also know that I’m sending loving, healing positive energy your way as you go through your surgery this week and continue to heal.
Thank you for sharing your journey.
Oh Rachel, thank you, thank you for this post that manages again to be exactly the words I need today. I have been managing a move for my family, my husband not able to participate much for various reasons. Both my beautiful children have been managing the best they can, but nonetheless there are worries, struggles, sleepless night, even though the move was not a total relocation. But children, really all of us, thrive on routine and with much of our routine upended, it has been hard for them. I’ve been working so hard to get the house unpacked and organized so that everyone knows where everything is, so that we can “be settled,” and get on with our summer. I’ve been up until 1 or 2 am most nights so that I could have several hours to work on it all after the kids are asleep (bedtimes also delayed because it’s harder to settle down…) One night this weekend I just knew I had to sleep, and so went to bed at 10:30 without even brushing my teeth. It was the first 8 hours of straight sleep that I have had in several years. It was a striking and actually kind of sad feeling to wake up the next morning, knowing that I generally don’t allow myself that much rest.
And one day of sleep doesn’t cure the debt, doesn’t replenish the tank. This morning I yelled. I’m one of those people you speak of who is hanging her head today. I apologized and my gracious children forgave me, but I’m ashamed, nonetheless, that after all this time I somehow still behave as if productivity is King. These are tough lessons to learn and the road is not necessarily linear.
Thank you for your post, and I will be wishing for you a simple and uneventful surgery and speedy and complete healing.
illana
Rachel,
Sending prayers your way that you are able to rest and recover. So hard on the “caregiver” to do this when they are so used to giving. I have learned that I sometimes make it hard on others to take care of me and that by allowing them to do so, they are able to show me their love.
Diet soda addiction is NO joke. I gave it up when we started trying to eat cleaner (not processed, less than 5 ingredients that we could actually identify in nature) and realized that I couldn’t even pronounce the ingredients on the back of the can. My friend who is a PRN tells me to just drink a fully loaded sugar one if I have to have it (and truthfully I can’t get through a whole one).
Tea is great alternative (for a non coffee) drinker. I brew it each morning and my daughter notices it’s when I slow down in the morning. I do sometimes have a diet soda (mostly b/c I can’t get to tea and my head starts to hurt) and I agree with you, they taste metallic and awful.
I know you can beat the Diet soda addiction, and if you have one now again, just start the next day fresh…a small step back is not a failure, just a new perspective.
Heal quickly, enjoy your special tea and allow others to comfort you. (Otherwise they may not realize they can!) Peace
Definitely needed to read this today. I’ve had an ear infection for a month now and I just beat myself up for wanting to sleep a lot. Going to get in bed with a good book. Thanks! My prayers are with you.
I’m sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing. I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this today. I’m holding in so much sadness and loneliness and tiredness, and if I don’t start looking after myself I will explode. I need to start making some changes and you’ve given me the push to start doing that. Your words are a gift. Thank you and get well soon. x
I am so grateful to know you are going to look after your precious self. Your people need you here, Kelly. We all need you here.
So my parents moved yesterday. They were 2 hours from us; now they are 12. We moved in January; new job for my hubby. We are 2 1/2 hours from where we used to live. He moved last August. I was a substitute teacher from January to June. I start a new job teaching preschool in September. Our old house hasn’t sold yet 🙁 We close on our new one August 10th. We have 2 boys ages 10 and 7. More than 1/2 of our stuff is in storage. I just finished teaching summer school and working childcare. I’ve been trying to run with a friend…but I’ve still gained 20 pounds this year. It’s so much!!!!! I’m so tired send I’m not as patient as I want to be….thanks for reminding me to take time!
Thank you so much. My hurting heart feels better after reading this. No excuses, but plenty of grace. I’m glad you’re learning to accept those gifts. I am too. Incredible moments. We won’t give up on ourselves. God never has. Welcome back! (P.s. I like your illustrating images, respectful of privacy and safety, but they sure add to the story)
thank you……………………..
i wish you well………..
Praying for your healing! It is always uplifting to me to read the words you lovingly share on your blog, but I would never want you to write them at the expense of your own physical or mental health, so I’m glad you’ve been taking the time you need this summer. I’ve been trying to take the time this summer to notice the feeling of wind in my face and of sun warming my skin, the smell of sunscreen and of the lake, the sound of birds chirping in the morning and of the somehow pleasant crunch of gravel under my feet as I slowly wander around a country road in the middle of a clear night keeping my husband company as he takes pictures of the stars. No less than 3 times so far this year I’ve spotted a random patch of grass and done a couple cartwheels. I’m 30 years old and don’t have any kids yet, so it hasn’t occurred to me in years to do a cartwheel, but I find that it makes me giggle, so I’ve decided I can do cartwheels occasionally all by myself without needing an excuse. Life goes too fast. Thanks for helping me take back my summer.
I love this so much, Taylor. Thank you for sharing and making me smile today.
Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything …
That’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen
Wishing you the blessings of love, light and healing. Thank you for your beautiful words.
Oh Dear Rachel, I had no idea! I don’t think any of us did! It’s so glaringly obvious when HFM’s words of love, comfort, wisdom, and truth have been gone for a season….You are in my prayers, and heart…believing and hoping with you…You are our cherished blessing….Amen. <3
I always enjoy reading your posts. I feel like you have been in my head more than anyone has a right to be, but you are able to voice what I can’t seem to. I have so many regrets from the raising my children period of my life, and I am so afraid it will reflect on how they raise theirs. When I read your posts, I know I need to let go of this and hope for the best but it is difficult. I have apologized to them more than once for all the hours I spent yelling at them. I can only hope they have forgiven me and learned from my mistakes.
I pray for your speedy recovery. Thank you.
Somehow you have the knack of speaking to the inner self, I don’t know you, but you connect and refresh with your candid revelations of shortcomings and triumphs. Loving the journey. Praying all the best for you and yours.
I appreciate such heartfelt feedback, David. It is very uplifting to my writer’s heart. Thank you for the prayers and well wishes. I cherish them.
I am so glad to hear from you and so sorry that you have to go through this. Thank you for this beautiful post, which I (and so many others!) needed to read!
I am in the midst of a series of doctor’s appointments that were put off for a long time. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s important to take care of myself, but I’m not sure I believe it yet. I feel guilty for spending time and money. I will leave this post open in my browser for the next several days so that I can reread it as many times as I need to. Praying for you today and especially on Thursday!
Hi Rachel, I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for words and putting your experiances on this blog for us all to relate to. I read on your site that you wanted to be an angel for someone and I truly believe you are for me. I remember the day I happened to come across your blog almost a month ago. That morning I was crying out to God to help me, help me find a way to be a better mom, a better wife, to help me feel alive inside and not just like i was going to through the motions. That same afternoon I found your site and I knew it was an answer to my prayers. So thank you , thank you for helping me see the light. That, likeyou say, you dont have to stress, yell, and worry through life. Reading about your experiances and how you were a “Type A” personality (which is me in a nut shell!) gives me hope on this journey that i can let go and grasp what really matters too. Thank you!
Thank you for letting me know you are here, Kristi. We sound like kindred spirits! There is hope for you, my friend. We will walk this road together towards joy and inner peace. Bless you.
You have been missed these last weeks! I am so sorry to hear you’ve had such struggles with your health. I kicked the soda habit just after college and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done for my health. Will be keeping you in thoughts and prayers this week! Much love & light. Be well!
You can’t believe how bad I needed to read this today. In an effort to be supermom, I run myself ragged, don’t drink enough water or eat right. All to make sure I’m being the perfect housewife & mom. And it catches up to you fast. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Rachel, thanks for yet another beautiful & touching post! This was especially timely for me as I have for the first time in way too long , have stepped back to again take better care of me. And guess what…. Taking care of me has resulted in me being more patient & attentive to the needs of my family. Not that i didn’t know this long ago, but obviously I didn’t believe it… I have been reading your blog for some time& enjoy each & every one. This one is particularly meaningful. You are a talented observer & an articulate writer.
Sending prayers for your next surgery & recovery.
So sorry to hear you have been unwell. Your book and posts are truly inspirational. I hope your surgery goes really well. I will think of you on Thurs and say a prayer for you and your surgical team x. As regards to self care….. I struggle. Daily. But my gratitude journal and morning pages done first thing certainly help me along the way xx Best wishes Niamh xx
Thank you, Niamh. This means so much to me.
Oh, I have I needed this post. My kids leave for camp in 36 hours and the first thing I’m going to do when I get home is figure out what needs to happen for me to focus on me and my well-being.
(And that includes reading the ARC of your book to put me in the right frame of mind.)
Prayers for a complete healing.
Rachel, yet again, you have spoken straight to my soul! Thank you for sharing your life and insight, I always feel like you’re one epiphany ahead of me! I’m praying for you and your surgery this week, I’m specifically praying that you allow yourself the guilt free time of rest, so you can recover easily! Blessings my friend!
-Sara
I feel like this was written just for me. This is the first time I’ve been able to read thru something completely in a long time…this was all me, and to top it off my 15 year old daughter helped put away groceries without being asked and she brought me a smoothie just as I began to read this. It all put a smile on my face.
Hey Rachel,
It was such a nice surprise to see a new post from you in my email box this afternoon. I truly have missed reading your words in the past few months. I’ve even checked the website a few times, just to see, just to make sure I didn’t miss something from you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had health problems but I wanted to say bravo for getting to the bottom of the problem. Thank goodness you were in a frame of mind where you acknowledged the problem and sought to find the answer.
Your words and your first book have already made a big difference in my life. We’ve been truly slowing down this summer to have more fun. Here are some of our top memories so far: mornings at the splash pad/pool, making our own playdough, spending an entire afternoon playing with dried beans on the kitchen floor (the old me would never have done this!), special mommy&daughter walks at 6:45am, and much more.
Thanks for all you do and best wishes for your speedy recovery. I’m eagerly awaiting the new book!
Ellie
Rachel, you have been in my thoughts over the past several weeks. You have been through so much. So thankful you are getting the help you need. And thank you for your honesty in sharing yourself with us, can you feel the web of support you have built here? What a beautiful place, and look at all of us who have found solace here. I will be praying for you, friend. I’m in need of some reviving myself. I just said to my husband last night, “Something in our life needs to change.” A high-stress job for him is becoming unsustainable for his health and the well-being of our family. We are praying for new direction. Sending you a big hug, and holding you in the Light. xo
This is so perfectly said. Don’t we all have those moments where we lose sight of our boundaries, needs, and the fact that feelings (ours, others’, everybody’s) exist at all? Parenting is the hardest work I will ever do, and I’m so excited to now FINALLY start seeing the fruits of all this work on a regular basis.
So beautifully written, so poignant and so perfect. Thank you for the reminder to take care of myself today, to put down my phone today and to pick myself up when I fall.
Sweet Rachel, I am keeping good thoughts for you for a speedy recovery. I always look forward to reading your blog and was glad you were taking a break (and selfishly missing you.) I’m sorry your break from blogging was because of this.
That is so sweet of your daughter to make ice tea for you.
I used to drink a lot of bottled ice tea. Then decided to stop and replace it with water. I was running errands one day about 6 months after no bottled ice tea. One of my stops was a store that sold bottled ice tea so I picked one up on the run. It tasted like chemicals and I couldn’t believe I had never noticed that before. I didn’t even finish it. That was about 8 years ago and I’ve never had any desire for it since. I have no doubt you will stop drinking soda.
Take care of yourself and again I wish you a speedy recovery.
This was the first post I’ve read of yours in a while. I took a break from your wisdom and thoughtful insights because… I don’t even remember why anymore. I was definitely overwhelmed, and I think I felt like I wasn’t really ready to receive or hear your words. Making so many changes that I can’t process another idea, even if that idea is needed. I don’t know why, but I went to your blog today and I cried as I read your post. I still don’t know if I’m ready to make the kinds of changes that are so very needed (I don’t exactly know what I’m waiting for…), but I think I need to consider my choices again. My health is too suffering because of the life choices I’ve made. I cringe at what I am know I am teaching my children. I want to make meaningful change, but then I also want things to stay the same (at least some thing), and that idea is not compatible. Thank you for reminding me that I still have some figuring out to do, and that I definitely have much more life to live.
I’m so very sorry to hear about your health struggles, and I will be thinking and praying for you as you go through your final surgery and that your heath significantly improves.
Thank you for your honesty and heartfelt words, Robin. I am honored you shared your pain, your uncertainties, your struggles, your story with me. I am grateful to know you found me today and my words touched you. Thank you for letting me know you are here today with me. It makes all the difference.
After I read this I couldn’t stop crying. I know the place you speak of – i have lived there for a long time. We think we have to be everything to everyone and if we need support we’re letting the world down. The world we placed on our shoulders.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life and the last 4 years when I unexpectedly became a mom after deciding It wasn’t for me was tough. I promised myself if I was going to go through with it I had to do it right or I didn’t deserve to do it at all. What a fool I was to think I could ever get parenting completely right. What pressure I put on myself. Pressure which suffocated me.
School went back today after 2 weeks holiday. Running a company full time from home with a kid around as a single mom was a challenge I completely underestimated. It broke me into screaming, shouting, angry, plate smashing pieces. I ended up at the doctor (again) unable to function.
Wwhen I buckled my daughter into her chair a few days later I saw a look of excitement on her face as she said to me “Mommy, are you not cross anymore? I’m so glad Mommy, I love you” It was at that moment that I realised just how far I had slipped into the space where you are just surviving. Like a wild animal lashing out trying to get through the day alive.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. You have no idea how good it is to not feel so alone in my seeming ‘parenting failures’
Good luck on Thursday.
This was an important find for me today- after years of being pushed past human limits, I’m starting to learn what it feels like to be ‘normal’, and that I don’t need to blame myself for breaking under the strain.
Rachel – Thank you for your lovely thoughts and writings – they never fail to ‘center’ me. May your health recover rapidly in the coming days and months, and please allow your loving family to nurture you. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers – God bless!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! You are a blessing to so many. So glad you didn’t let those discouraging thoughts stop you. My Mom always says “just keep putting one foot in front of the other”. I’m appreciating that advice more and more.
I write this note of gratitude while sitting in the hospital with kidney issues. Nine weeks ago, I woke up one day with 27 pounds of water weight. Literally, overnight. Five days ago I saw my second nephrologist who immediately admitted me to the hospital because I had 49 (!) pounds of water weight. I could barely walk. As much as I talked about taking good care of myself, I wasn’t. I have on my calendar 3 days of exercise at the gym, which in the last six months I rarely did. I have on my calendar yoga, meditation, and guided self-hypnosis. All with alarms that go off on my smart phone. Alarms that I routinely snoozed into oblivion or outright ignored. Part of the journey of learning self-care, when it reaches this degree of seriousness is not only being pro-active (making the appointments and following up with labs and everything else), it is also about trusting your instinct.
The first nephrologist I saw didn’t look at me. He took my history without making eye contact. He couldn’t keep the timeline of events straight and so made conclusions based on inaccurate information. It took me two weeks to come to the bottom line truth that I couldn’t work with this physician. He saw a case, a very interesting and unusual case. He did not see a person. He didn’t see the woman who balances home and work. He didn’t see the Mama of a 5.5 year old perfect little boy who is so smart and clever and doesn’t fit into boxes and is a dynamic set of challenges that lead me to worry about kindergarten next year. He didn’t see the lady who neglects housecleaning to make costumes for that perfect little boy, which means she lives in a mess that stresses her out (thank god for my husband who truly does so much at home – grocery shopping, cooking, parenting). He didn’t see the woman who is a phd candidate struggling to finish her dissertation in the next few weeks, an adjunct professor teaching a room of 19 year olds, balancing lectures and readings with grading and student consultations on the one career hand with long-term job issues (working for that tenure track interview!) and short-term money issues on the other career hand. He didn’t see the woman who had 4 bouts of flu this winter, as did her son and husband (which, helllllo! big clue about immune function there doc). He didn’t see a person at all. I’m grateful it only took me a couple weeks to realize and get okay with the truth that I wouldn’t be able to effectively work with him.
I told my primary care provider, who understood and made me a new referral. Who then wasn’t happy because I kept returning to her with my issues instead of seeing my specialist. I’m grateful for her willingness to do this, even if it became grudging over the weeks. I had to proactively call and call again a week later to push through the new appointment. I finally got it.
My new doctor(s) are great. They’ve figured out what is wrong with me: nefrotic syndrome caused by focal segmental glumerular sclerosis (fsgs), which is idiopathic (no known cause). The treatment: lasix (diuretic) to lose the water weight and steroids to heal the kidney. They expect me to make a full recovery in 2-6 months time. After being in the hospital for four days, my husband and my son are coming to take me home tomorrow!
I will finish my dissertation. I will get that job. I will not lose my health and well-being in the process. If it takes me longer than I want, then so be it. I’d rather be healthy and spend more time with my perfect son and amazing husband. If I miss out on one opportunity because I’m not finished yet, then that means a better opportunity is coming down the pike. I’m going to keep all those things in my calendar: exercise, yoga, meditation. From the time I’m cleared to exercise, they won’t simply be ignorable tasks, they will be the foundation of my well-being and productivity. Ill health (or death) is not part of the plan and I’ve had a major wake up call. I never forgot to take care of myself. I never learned. I never learned that I was important enough or deserving enough. It is time to learn. As I teach myself, so too I will teach my son, not only to care for himself, but that women require and deserve self-care as well. We all do.
Thank you for your post. It was timely for me. I hope your surgery is easy and effortless and that you heal smoothly and quickly. May your days be joyous. From one hospital room to another, God Bless.
Thank you for reminding us that you don’t always have perfect reactions either! Good luck with your surgery. I will be praying for you. I have struggled with chronic pain daily for the past 12 years. I made a decision to live and love my family and not think about the pain. I rest a lot in bed when needed, sleep longer than my mommy friends, can’t exercise like I want to, and sometimes let the pain get the best of me. I always remind myself how lucky I am to have my son and husband to take care of me. I’m sure you’ve realized by now that you are emotionally and physically stronger than you ever thought. You can do this!
Rachel,
Your writing is a true gift to me – for so many reasons. I can’t wait to read your new book. I’m praying that God surrounds you with His peace and comfort, and wish you a quick recovery. Much love.
I have missed your blog posts, every one seems to speak directly to my heart. I will be praying for your full recovery. I have been on a journey of learning to allow myself to follow my passion – writing songs for my church and for my kids at school. At first, I thought I wasn’t good enough, then I thought it wasn’t important enough to spend time on, but I have been learning that it IS important, and that I can help and inspire others when I allow God to work through me, and when I allow myself the time to sit down with my keyboard and do what I love doing. The trick for me is finding the balance, as I still have a job, 3 kids and house to manage, so sometimes I feel lost in all of that, and am desperate for some creative time. But God is good and He seems to lead me through situations, that then turn into ideas for songs, that get written at just the right moment! Thank you again for your beautiful words, you have helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you for this! My best friend and I made the difficult decision this weekend to step down from leading the children’s ministry at our church. I’ve been struggling with guilt over the decision; yet at the same time, I’m feeling relief and hope that I can get back to my relaxed self! What good is volunteering for everyone else if I’m a grumpy monster to my kids? This article made me feel better about my decision!
I hope your surgery goes well and that your recovery is quick and complication free!
Thank-you so much for your beautiful words! I needed to hear them too. I simply love your blog! I am praying for a successful surgery and a quick recovery.
My heart breaks for what you have been going through as I know first hand how hard we can be on ourselves. I tend to put everyone else first in my family and I suffer for it. My 7 year old is still struggling to sleep at night and last night was another 90 minutes of sleep lost as she refused to go back to sleep at one in the morning. I am trying to stay strong but I can tell my body is suffering…I get no exercise, my body hurts all over and I have lost 9 pounds in the last 6 months.
Your words (you shared with me a few months ago) reminding me to keep holding on is almost all that keeps me going. I know that “this too shall pass” but living it every night is becoming almost unbearable. I keep your words close to my heart. I read the poem you sent me that is on my fridge and repeat I CHOOSE LOVE over and over and over in my head. But, to be honest, during this most difficult time in my life, I have also lost my temper and behaved in ways that I later have apologize for. No one is perfect.
I think about your new book every day. I know it will contain the great wisdom that seems to flow from you so easily.
Loving thoughts and prayers are sent to you and your family at this time. Take care of yourself and I hope your recovery is smooth and trouble free. I look forward to your posts after you have taken some time to heal and be with your family.
Much love, Jenny
Wow!! I am at a loss of words to how beautiful that was. You have touched my heart and soul deeply. For I too have fallen in front of my kids and still feel that guilt and shame from those moments. It’s not until I got older did I realize that it’s good for them see me hurt, fall and be human. I have chosen a bit of a tougher road than most and have raised 4 beautiful awesome children in the middle of it. There is so much I could say so much to write. But I just want to say thank you fir touching my heart and my prayers are with you.
Thank you, Heidi. Your message means a great deal to me.
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this painful yet enlightening experience with us! Your daughter sounds wise beyond her years… Good luck with your surgery and I will be anticipating your book! I offer a prayer for your recovery.
I am so grateful. Thank you, Liz.
What a wonderful piece, Rachel.
That line you quote – wow, I need to remind myself of that during my too frequent falls. It’s better than beating myself up.
Your daughter is so in tune with you and your needs – that’s touching.
Glad your medical issue was handled.
Wow. Thank you. This reinforces my decision to make time this week to take care of myself. I moved with my daughter to be close to family, but I left behind my entire support network. I need to find physicians to help me with my chronic illness and to help me deal with the mess left behind from carrying and delivering a large baby. I need to find a dentist to fix the cracked tooth that’s been causing me pain for more than six months. It’s not enough to have a healthy and happy child if her mother is used up and destroyed in the process… I owe it to both of us to take care of myself. Thanks for the reminder! (And good luck to you this week!)
Thank you for taking care of you, precious Jessica. Your people need you!
Rachel –
I did it!!! I finally overcame my apathy and made the appointments I need today! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way!
Best news I have heard in awhile!!! YAY for taking care of precious YOU!
ooh I can’t tell you how much I love your blog! I cherish every word, I’m a mama to 4 little one’s and this post especially called to me.
I have an small handcrafted organic tea business and I would love to gift a few blends to your daughter! I was so thrilled to read she has a passion for making you tea, it hit my heart! Here is the link to my site: http://www.loveandtea.com
Sending you healing love and prayers.
Best,
Jen
Thank you, dear Jen. We would love to hear from you at rachelstafford@handsfreemama.com. My daughter will be overjoyed by this loving gesture. Grateful for you.
Your posts always resonate and appear when I need reassurance that I am not the only one who struggles. Today I am taking my husband to hospital to grt much needed mental health care. This is difficult, but not as difficult as the last 4 years trying to help him and keep my children happy, healthy and not afraid of their dad. Take care of you and you will be taking care of others – by making sure you are in their lives for a long time.
I wish you both all the best. Your husband is blessed to have you by his side.
I started reading your posts 4 years ago. Thank you for being so brave to express what so many of us feel. I’ll be thinking of you on the 23rd, all the best.
I am so honored and touched. Thank you, my faithful and supportive friend. Your continued presence on this journey is my greatest blessing.
My sweet nine year old baby girl makes me tea, too. Most recently, a lovely mix of Earl Grey and peppermint made into iced tea. As of last Friday, she’s with her dad for most of the rest of the summer, and I found myself thinking earlier today, “Noooo! I need my tea!” But of course, it’s not really the tea, is it? It’s that they love us that much. Good luck with your surgery.
Love this, Elizabeth. Thank you for sharing and making me smile.
Sending healing thoughts to you for Thursday. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. In a time when everything seems to be coming up roses according to social media posts, hearing you have set backs on your journey is encouraging. Your blog really resonated with me today and you, once again, have had a positive impact on my day! Thank you again for all of your wise words. You truly have a gift.
Oh how I have missed your posts! Every one touches my heart. Along with everyone else, I will be thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery. I am so amazed that you read every comment and respond to so many. Best wishes on Thursday!
Writing to you all today has been the best medicine for my soul. I just cannot even explain how much your supportive words and love mean to me! It truly fuels me. Thank you for the well wishes!
Loved this post because I can so relate to everything you said. I, too had recurrent bladder infections for 8 months that began taking their toll on me emotionally, mentally and physically. I was homeschooling my kids, worrying about my health, and to top it all off, found out I was pregnant! I also ended up in the ER and my urologist also found a large kidney stone. I underwent two procedures to take care if the kidney issues and have been on more antibiotics in this past year than in my entire life. It has truly been a trying time in my life but am so thankful for God’s faithfulness.
I am hoping to enjoy a healthy remainder of my pregnancy and hope to return to full health afterwards as well. Hang in there! You are not alone and I feel encouraged to know that I’m not either (sometimes it feels like I am in this kidney stone thing)!
Thank you for sharing your story, Courtney. This brings me great comfort to know I am not alone in this health ordeal. I pray the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful and that everything goes well with the birth. Bless you, my friend.
Thanks. Saving this to reread when I need. What I’m doing for myself today: Putting down the computer as soon as I finish typing this comment to go finish the book I’m reading and get (hopefully) the first good night’s sleep in days so I can be more myself tomorrow for my own peace of mind and for my family’s. Hope your surgery and healing go as smoothly as possible.
I am so very sorry for all that you have and continue to endure. I am ending many positive thoughts, lots of love and hugs your way. Thank you for these beautiful words. It is EXACTLY what I needed to read this week. You have such a wonderful gift and I appreciate you sharing it with us. Your daughters are so lucky. I have pre-ordered the book and cannot what to get my hands on it!
Thank you! Speeding recovery to you!
Lots of love,
valerie
Thank you so much for your honest and heartfelt words in this post, and in all your others. Your words so often speak what I am feeling but cannot articulate. And so, so often I read one of your posts and feel the tension in myself melt away – tension that I didn’t even know was there. It’s such a relief to know that other mothers struggle to keep it together, to be calm and patient in every situation, to be everything to everyone. Thank you for reminding me that we all stumble and that we can all get back up. Prayers for your surgery this week and for a peaceful and speedy recovery.
A wonderful inspiring message and exactly what I needed to read today… My husband tickled me last night just to make me laugh and it felt good!!
Reading your blog today was on my “ME to do list” and it affirmed again that I need to look after me so I can look after my family the way God wants me to… Not angry and out of control but calm and loving.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and I will be praying for your upcoming surgery.
XX
Thsnk you so much. I needed that today. Im so grateful and many well wishes to you. You did so much for me.
You’re in my thoughts for a speedy return to good health. So glad you found someone who found out what was wrong with you properly!
I always brighten when I see an alert in my email that you’ve blogged, because I know it’ll be timely and much-needed for me – and so far, that’s always been true.
Yes, I have feelings, too, and I’ve squelched them far too long. I’m working at the moment on writing in a diary to process my feelings and thoughts in a way that they’ll stick in my head better (I talk them through with hubby, but talking has never made them stick as well as writing has). Once I can keep them sorted out better in my head, then I can live by them far better. I’m already taking baby steps to live more genuinely, and sleeping better and living calmer for it. When I only try to live by my own values, instead of second-guessing what everyone else’s are, I have far fewer voices of doubt plaguing me.
Thanks for the affirmations, as always, Rachel. Deeply hoping all goes well for you Thursday, and godspeed on the recovery.
Thank you, friend, for sharing what is helping you. There is a lot of evidence out there about what writing does for our mental health and well-being. I am so glad you discovered writings healing powers as I have. I appreciate you taking the time to share.
Wow, this is exactly what I needed today! have totally forgotten about me. All the strength for the rest of your journey xxx
Thank you, dear Natalie. That is the name of my precious little tea maker. As you can imagine, I love it so. Sending love and strength your way too.
Thank you Rachel. I needed this on what has been a very difficult week for me. I’m so often overwhelmed, and like you I lost it during the run up to end of school term with all the responsibilities and demands on my time. Now I face a very different problem – I can’t cover all the school holidays so I’ve had to send my children to stay with my parents for a week. They come home on Friday – I miss them so much it hurts. I’ve never been apart from them for this long. It’s been 4 days now. But I’m noticing something here – in the past 4 days my husband and I have more patience and love for each other than we usually do. I thought our marriage was on the rocks, but not a single angry word has been spoken since the children have been gone. I haven’t had a headache – I thought my head would hurt every day for the rest of my life. Last night I took some time for myself, painted my nails, tidied my bedroom, went to sleep relaxed. I’ve spent 8 years dealing with my family and subsequently dealing with my own health problems because I’m so tired all the time – having that responsibility removed, even temporarily, is so very strange. I can’t wait to see my babies, refreshed and renewed. Here’s hoping the second half of the year is a little easier than the first half. I will try to remember that raising kids is always going to be hard – overwhelm, sleep deprivation, stress……..it’s bound to happen isn’t it? We’re not doing anything wrong, we just need to manage it carefully and never forget that our kids need us to be healthy! I’ve missed your posts a lot, and I’m so sorry you’ve been ill. I hope you recover quickly. Thank you for coming back to us. xxx
Thank you for sharing your story and what you have learned about yourself in these quiet days. It is vital information and I hope that it helps you say YES to what is most important and NO to what depletes and burdens you. Please continue to look after yourself. You are precious.
How very, very scary and what a blessing that your daughter was the one who made you see that you needed to be more proactive – that you needed real, complete help, not just bandaids. Again I say, what a blessing.
I wanted to take a moment to share with you how much your site means to me, especially during the last year and an upcoming transition. I’m a real-life rocket scientist. I work long hours, and I have worked in stressful jobs since my oldest daughter was born 4 and a half years ago. I’ve always wished I could stay home, but my husband’s massive student loans, coupled with my modest ones, made that completely impossible.
Now I have another daughter, a little over one. On maternity leave last year, I started my own blog – a blog about our debt and why it keeps me from living the life that I want. Of course that very blog has also been a problem – it has also kept me from living the life that I want. I answer emails while I barely watch my daughters play outside. I get up at 3 am to blog. I’m distracted. And I always come back to your blog, see your encouragement, and then I try harder.
Next month I will become a work at home mom. I’ll be focusing on my blog, but also freelancing for others (at least, I hope so). My oldest will be in kindergarten and my youngest will be in very part time daycare. My goal is to only earn what we NEED to get by – nothing more – and to focus on these girls. And I’m going to need your inspiration more than ever, to disconnect from online while they are around. Otherwise, this change is all for naught.
Oh Kirsten, thank you for sharing YOUR STORY, your uncertainties, your questions, your struggles with me. But there is HOPE too. You have been listening to that little voice inside you telling you change is needed. You are listening to that voice. You are making changes. You are putting your children and your health above the other things. This transition will have its challenges as all change does — but there will be Glimmers of Goodness spurring you on. And you will see them because your eyes have been opened. You know what is important. And you know it takes ONE choice at a time. One choice to choose connection over distraction, perfection, hurry, and control. I wish you all the best, my friend. Please update me in a month … 6 months … 1 year … tell me how you are doing. I see a bright future ahead. Thank you for walking beside me. I am honored and inspired by your contribution to this journey.
Hello from Australia,
If the summer break hasn’t been as you thought, it would still have taught you so much. If the summer only brought you ice tea and doctors visits, it would have stood you in good stead for the autumn. If the summer ran you ragged so you broke a dish, you needed to be broken, so you could be out back together again.
Breathe, walk, slow down, rest up, get well.
If you’ve not read it before, try to get hold of The Art Of Asking by Amanda Palmer. It is an amazingly under book about being vulnerable. It’s like she looked inside my soul and wrote it for me, the same way your words make me feel.
Your health is so much more important than a summer break. Glad you found out what you needed to fix xx
Thank you, Maddie. What a beautiful, loving message. Thank you for the book title. It sounds life-changing. I will order it today. XO
Wow…I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday–as I too go in the hospital for kidney stones!! ❤️
I am taking this as a positive sign – one of my dearest ‘soul sister’ friends is named Eleanor. My Eleanor said she would drop all her plans to come sit with me in the hospital on the day of surgery. That is the kind of friend she is. I pray that your surgery is a huge success and that your recovery is as painless as possible. I will be thinking of you, Eleanor. XO
Rachel, I am so glad to hear your first surgery went well. Keep healing, sistah! You’ve been on my mind and I was anxiously waiting for an update! I should have known that it would have been something as beautiful and powerful as this.
What strikes me about your story is that being vulnerable with your daughter after that moment of humanness is what resulted in your promise to care for yourself! Being open with your daughter allowed her to give you much more than forgiveness. It gave you your health. It gave her the change to be your caretaker. And then it gave you the opportunity to rewrite your story. To take your shame and turn it into a stepping stone.
It’s all any of us can hope for, and I remain grateful that you are vulnerable and authentic enough to lead us by more than just your words, but by example. Stay healthy.
Thank you, Diane. This is a very powerful and hopeful way of describing the result of me being human with my child. Thank you for this insight. It makes me feel quite good! You are a treasure in my life, dear one.
There were years…yes, years…when i felt that lost pain. I eventually got divorced, which wasn’t my idea but worked out for the best. My kids grew up…not my idea either. And i found the love of my life in a new, small, town. I didn’t really want to be here either. And finally, at almost 45 years old, with a soul-mate who is 32 years my senior. I’m content and happy. Maybe for the first time. Life is weird. Sometimes you just have to go with it and embrace the moments of joy. You got this. 🙂
Lovely and hopeful. There is much to behold in the surrendering, isn’t there? I am slowly learning. So happy to read about your joy.
Beautiful words to remind us that by taking care of ourselves, we can better take care of those around us whom we love. And your story underscores the importance of stopping to ask for forgiveness. That in itself can be so healing! Best wishes to you on a smooth surgery and a full recovery. Sometimes health set backs can help us see how much we take for granted when we have wellness/energy/mobility. You will have a new perspective/thankfulness once you are back on your feet and feeling 100% again (and you most certainly will!) and I am certain you will put that wonderful feeling into motion.
Wow. Beautifully written truths. Thank you for sharing. Be well, Rachel.
Although I’m not a parent, I love reading your posts (and book), which have helped me to be more nurturing, gentle, and accepting of myself. Like many women, I’m harder on myself than I would be with my friends. Holding you close in thought and prayer as you recover. So excited about your new book.
Beautiful dear friend. Your words hold so much in them.
Wow over 270 comments!!! Lots of love, healing energy and support is coming your way Rachel! Your honesty hits home every time I read your posts. Thank you for sharing the dark moments, they make me feel human, normal and that I can forgive and improve. May the love you put out into the world come back to you today, on the 23rd and each day after. Let go, let others take care of you and know that God has a plan. Much love, peace, healing and health to you, your family and the entire Hands Free community.
Thanks so so much for sharing. SO much of what you’ve said here resonates in my soul, which is tired and scared and a little lost. I’ve been getting so angry and overwhelmed at my kids, but it’s really because my priorities are out of whack and I’ve put myself at the bottom of a list. Time to change that. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂
This is taped up beside me at my desk. I need this reminder, I need it in sight at all times.
thought you might like to hear it…again
“Today I will choose love. Tomorrow I will choose love. And the day after that, I will choose love. If I mistakenly choose distraction, perfection, or negativity over love, I WILL NOT WALLOW IN REGRET. I WILL CHOOSE LOVE UNTIL IT BECOMES WHO I AM.”
all I can do is try… so that is what I do. I just try… everyday. You, Rachel and the Stafford family have brought so much more love into my home than was here before I found you. You did that in my home out in the middle of the country in Georgia, and I am sure many places in between. Love to you and your family.
Thank you, Theresa. This touches me beyond any words I could write. Thank you for reminding me.
Thank you for this. Currently it feels like I’m the one holding us all together. I am the one caring for everyone and I am pulled in so many different directions. If I let down, I am afraid I will shatter. But I am afraid that I will shatter if I don’t.
Thank you for the reminder that self-care is important. If I am the one to hold us together through our current circumstance, then I can only do that if I am well and strong.
Good luck with your surgery. I hope it all goes well and that you heal quickly.
Hi,
I needed this today. I am in the same place…and who would have thought that through different experiences and losses, we experience the same pain.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. Sending you love and healing and good wishes.
Good luck to you, Rachel. Looks like you have a wonderful, wise daughter. Heed her advice and take care of yourself. Drinking more herbal tea is a wonderful place to start. All the best.
Thank you so much for bringing to my inbox what I needed to hear today. It’s like you read my mind. My fourth child died at birth 4 years ago today. Today I cry about it because I’m sleep deprived, I’m hurting physically and waiting for doctor appointments, trying to finally unpack after years of moving and a year living out of bags and boxes in cars, RVs, hotels, motels, and my lover’s place. Finally unpacking comes and feeling like I really can’t unpack due to the stress and pain. I feel like I haven’t had a day off in months.
Now I’m loved and cared for so much I forgot a little bit to take care of me. I forgot about my needs again, sometimes I’ve done that before when things got hairy. We are supposed to put our own oxygen masks on first. 😉
This post is so beautiful. Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your thoughts. Sending love.
Thank you.
I needed to hear that.
So sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time – medical things, and surgery, is always worrying and difficult to switch off in your mind. But you are nearly there! Hang in there, and I wish you all the very best this week!
This post was very timely for me….I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed with everything this week, and couldn’t put my finger on why now in particular….not that that is the main point that matters, tho, is it?! The point is that I need to do something to make it better.
I never take time out for myself. It’s the thing that has slipped lately – life just seems too busy to fit that in.
I have a 5yo daughter with autism, whom I home educate. I also work as a nanny for part of the week, taking care of two other children, aged 5yo and 3yo. My husband works 6 days a week, so I run the house. A lot of the time lately I feel as if I’m sinking under the continual weight of housework, meal cooking, errand running, my own job, and juggling educating my daughter and managing her needs and sensitivities. On good weeks I feel as if my head is breaking the surface, on others I feel more swept away by the relentless “to do” list of things that never get done. Or get done properly.
I know I need to make some time for myself. I’m not sure yet how to do that, exactly, but it is necessary.
Sending love and prayers your way as you prepare for your final surgery, Rachel! And I love this post, particularly the imagery; how fitting that that space in your kitchen was the site of your low moment and your healing, too. That’s one of ‘God’s best party tricks’, as Anne Lamott would say: taking places and symbols of pain and transforming them. And when it happens, it’s definitely worth celebrating and sharing. So thank you for sharing this with us!
xoxo
Thank you for sharing this. Mom’s have a bad habit of forgetting to take care of themselves and for being our worst critics. I haven’t been doing very well at this lately. But I have recently cleaned up my diet and my husband and I are taking some private parenting coaching to give us some more skills that will help us to be the best parents that we can be. Two steps in the right direction! I hope that your surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery.
I looked after elderly family members, and “did it all”… Until the day a layer for a friend’s wedding cake broke.
I did too.
Your daughter is right. To care for ourselves is the best gift we have to give to our families.
Rest. Heal.
Dear Rachel,
Sending you healing thoughts & prayers…. During your time away to “Be Still”, I made a choice to “Get Moving”. I began the day after your post to wake an hour early and walk the trails around my neighborhood. Although hard at first, it has become a cherished part of my day. As I sneak out the door, my boys & husband are still sound asleep….I breathe fresh crisp air & reflect on life….and the Hands Free Journey you have led me on. On my first walk I saw a butterfly and instantly thought of Avery; your precious “firefly”. I too have a “firefly”, who I see through different eyes after that post & am forever grateful. So I am making time for me…. to recharge, reflect & remember that I need my love & my care as much as those around me. Thank you for this gentle reminder…you are such a blessing to me.
Shannon
This truly brightens my day, Shannon. Thank you for taking the time to tell me. This is very encouraging to me. Thank you for blessing me.
Thank you for sharing your life with us. I found you through a friend sharing this article, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
How am I? I am at peace, mostly. I’m in the early stages of my third pregnancy, and so far am doing well this lite cashew has survived two weeks longer than his/ her sister and brother, and everyday feels like a gift. I’m in he home stretch towards the 2nd trimester and am in uncharted territory. It feels amazing, terrifying, wonderful. I’m having nightmares of spotting and miscarriage, but when I’m conscious I aim to rest and listen to my body. I try to eat well when my body allows, and I try to say no to things that I feel would be stressful and uncomfortable to me. For the first time in my life, it’s ok to do that. That’s how I’m doing.
How are you today? You got this, lady. Keep your chin up. Almost done. Sending love and prayers your way.
Wishing you well on Thursday and after.
Thank you for all your honesty and your inspiration.
Rachel, Thank you so much for the reminder to care for myself. The tears are falling as I recognize myself in what you share. Your quote – “even the best fall down some time” takes my breath away and makes me stop in my tracks. I immediately recognize the song and can’t believe I’ve been singing it and never really heard it. It is impossible to always be the best and to expect it of myself is so unfair to myself and everyone else too! My health scare last fall and nearly losing my life because of a septic gall bladder all because I wasn’t paying attention to myself brings it all home. My heart and prayers are with you as you go through surgery again and as you allow others to care for you. The one who always is the doer is the one who has to fall the hardest to allow others to do for them. Please take the time to love yourself by allowing others to love you and do for you. It was great to hear from you again and I look forward to hearing more in the future. Love and peace, Lisa
Rachel –
Every time I read your blog posts, I feel like you can read my heart and mind because they touch me right where I need it most. They bring tears to my eyes each time; healing tears that remind me I am not alone in my struggles. Your honesty and vulnerability about your journey inspire and encourage me. I have thought before about posting a comment, but haven’t had the courage to do it until today, after reading this post.
My children are 2 ½ and 5. Life feels busy and chaotic between working full-time, caring for my family, and taking care of the requirements of daily life (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc). Most days I feel that I am barely making it through, keeping it together, and trying to be present because I know they grow up so fast. Even though I know I need to take care of myself and can see the difference when I do, that knowledge gets ignored and I fall deeper into a sense of inadequacy. Yelling and frustration have become my go-to responses when life doesn’t go smoothly (which, of course, it doesn’t), and I hate that. I worry about the impact of my responses, attitude, and behaviors have on my children. I see it and it scares me. I feel like I am ruining their joyful spirits. Your “tall glass of forgiveness” made me weep for the fact that every single one of them rang true for me. Things that I haven’t wanted to admit I was feeling were laid out before me in black and white and it was ok. I am not the worse person in the world; I am simply human and need to find ways to care for myself too. For that gift of grace, I thank you.
I will be praying for you tomorrow during your surgery. I wish I could bring you a meal once you are home; but since I can’t, know that you are being lifted up by many that you touch with your words and care about you from afar. Peace, Deborah
Thank you for taking the time to let me know you are here, walking beside me on this journey, Deborah. I am touched to know my words offered you a much needed reprieve. This is the greatest blessing any writer could ever receive. Thank you for the beautiful well wishes and prayers you mentioned at the end of your comment. It really does wonders for my spirit to read such loving sentiments.
Rachel,
It’s funny…I gave up diet soda in the last few years without realizing it and now I can barely finish a small glass if I do drink it. I like soda water with a splash of cranberry juice from time to time, or chilled water with cucumber slices and mint. Also I recently started running with a friend and it has made a huge impact on my life. We are doing it for health rather than for beauty. I hope to be healthier in my 40’s than ever before! (We are doing the couch to 5k program if that tells you anything about our previous running experience! LOL)
Good luck with this surgery! I love all your posts but do take time for recovery.
Thank you for this post. I am at the beginning of a very difficult journey. I am pregnant with twins and last Thursday my water broke for one of the babies. Both babies are okay as of now, but I was sent home on bedrest since they are too young to save. If I am still pregnant at 24 weeks I’ll be admitted to the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. What makes it even more difficult is I have 5 kids at home who need me and 2 babies inside me that need me too. I am feeling so many emotions considering all the possible scenarios with my twins and the thought of being separated from my other kids and husband for weeks on end trying to keep these babies inside.
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear about the kidney stone but delighted that you figured out the problem! I so appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. “Even the best fall down” is so true and a great mantra to keep in mind.
So glad to hear that you have figured out the physical pain that has been weighing you down, body, mind and soul. I know that a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. I, too, was being held back in my life with pain that no one seemed to know how to fix or what was causing it. Once a diagnosis was made I felt like I could finally move on from the hopeless feelings I was having. What a precious daughter you have – one that knew how to help her mom when her mom didn’t know how to help herself. Best of luck to you in your recovery from surgery. Take care and be well!
This is one of your most elegant posts – thank you so much for sharing your struggle and sharing the imperfection that is reality. I find myself in this situation often, where I suddenly look around and realize everything is going to fall apart because I haven’t taken the time to simply take care of myself. Always worried about everyone and everything else and beating myself up for falling short of my ridiculous expectations for myself. To treat myself as I would another person, that is my challenge! Thank you, again, for sharing. Your words are always always always *perfect* both in choice (I kept thinking “how elegant” the entire time I was reading because you tied everything together so well!) and also timing- it is always always always the right time to read one of your posts. It’s like you have tapped into the mainline mood for the day each and every time. And you offer hope. And I really appreciate that.
Thank you. I’m writing this to you in the darkness of our room, my heart heavy because I’ve lost control today in front of my children. I couldn’t hold it together. The pressure of doing every sort of activity while preserving a home, while having three kids 4,3 and 10 months has gotten to me. I saw this in my inbox a few days ago but in the daily rush pushed it aside to read for later. I needed this. So thank you.
Thank you for your honesty, your humanness, your courage. I remember when my children were the ages you listed and those were stressful time where things seldom went as planned. And I remember being oh so tired then. You are not alone in the feelings you described, dear one. In the post I mentioned Shame scoffing at me because I offer peaceful responses to people. That is because I have a beautiful list of tactics I used to overcome a critical, negative, yelling way of life and be a more peaceful, loving parent. The list also has many resources that were beneficial to me on this journey to be more peaceful in times of challenge. I would be honored to share that list with you (and anyone else for that matter) — just send me an email at rachelstafford@handsfreemama.com. You will initially get an auto response, but just know I will get back to you as soon as I am able. There is hope. You are not alone. Thank you for loving those babies so much that you reached out.
This was what I needed to hear and was so beautiful. I hope your surgery goes well and your pain ends quickly.
After a devastating diagnosis last week of a very serious and complicated heart defect for my unborn baby, I’m having trouble moving forward and figuring out how to care for myself while preparing for our little one’s surgeries after birth, taking care of my energetic 2.5 year old, returning to the classroom in a few weeks, and supporting my husband during his recent health issues. It’s all just too much. But your words give me hope. Thank you.
May the sun bring you new energy by day,
may the moon softly restore you by night,
may the rain wash away your worries,
may the breeze blow new strength into your being,
may you walk gently through the world and
know it’s beauty all the days of your life.
– Apache Blessing
Thinking of you today, Rachel….know we are all encircling you with healing thoughts, prayers and wishes for a speedy recovery. Take care of yourself. Sending much love. Shannon
Today I’m breathing a prayer for you each time I look at my “Only Love Today” bracelet. Much Love.
Oh, wow. I really needed to read this tonight! Thank you for sharing your heart…the good and the bad, and the good that came from the bad. I feel like I’ve been failing as a parent lately…my patience is gone before I get out of bed in the morning, and my poor kids get the brunt of the fact that I haven’t been taking care of myself for a while now. Thank you for helping me see the importance of that.
Thank you for sharing this. Ive been going through something similiar…my young son was very ill last summer and as a result i neglected my own health. Finally he is well but I wasn’t getting to the root of my health issue…there was always too many other things and people demanding my attention… And honestly i was just plain scared to find out what was wrong with me. Most recently our house was flooded. I finally broke down and in a moment of panic contacted a specialist. I am optimistic that i am on the path to getting well. My very caring doctor looked me in the eyes that day and gave me permission to take time for myself to relieve stress and get well. Your post reminded me that i am not alone!
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,” said Christopher Robin to Pooh.
Thank you. We do forget to take care of ourselves. Thank you so much for writing this. Debi
Oh Rachel…
What a beautiful testimony to how fragile life truly is… and when we don’t care for ourselves, we break. You painted the message so beautifully, as your words always seem like a gift I unwrap when I read them.
I don’t usually comment, because for some reason I feel like out of the thousands of readers you have and all the responses you get- mine is just a drop in the sea…
But this time I feel compelled to offer my prayers for your precious heart and your hurting body. I will be praying for healing… and for your season of darkness to shed itself and create new light. You look radiant in light. <3
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’
Numbers 6:24-26 (NKJV)
Thank you, Chris. I had a very hard day yesterday. Maybe the most pain I have been in since the first surgery. It gives me great hope and comfort to read your words today. I read every comment and every email I receive. They are divine fuel for my writer’s soul. Thank you for contributing, lifting, and supporting me.
I’m so glad I came back to read your reply, Rachel! Glad because I haven’t stopped thinking about you and praying for you and wondering how things have *really* been going after your surgery. I wondered how much pain you have had to suffer through. I don’t know the details of your surgery, but reading your response I’m guessing this is not easy at all.
I have had several surgeries in the past six or so years, (Various ones for various reasons- too much to explain here) and oh do I know pain! I know how hard healing can be, and how much it takes out of you and pulls on your every strength to prevail. I will keep praying for you, and hope above all else that you are able to manage the pain and find strength in those weak moments. I have had so many of those moments… and as a parent, it’s so hard to let go of ‘doing’ and ‘providing’ for our kids. (I’ve written so much about pain and healing and letting go and holding on ETC. I’m surely blessed to be quite healthy, and know there are so so many who bear the burden of longsuffering for years, if not their entire life! So I’m no expert… I just get it, so I write from my own experience.)
I just want you to know that you have been on my heart. In my prayers. And you will continue to be. Keep being beautiful, mama! I think our kids have the opportunity to watch us bear burdens and learn from these circumstances, far more than they could if we were always healthy. I pray you can allow them to care for you, and serve you in your time of need. (Mine have gotten pretty good at it! Especially my husband, bless his heart!)
I’m so honored that you responded. Truly. <3
Thank you, Chris. This is a lovely response and I find so much comfort in your understanding and experience. I have had the best 2 days that I have had in a long time. The pain has been minimal so I have felt like I could run a race! (But don’t worry, I don’t!) I have such a profound appreciation for feeling good and just being able to go to sleep without it hurting somewhere. I am so thankful for this newfound awareness and for the opportunity to share it. Thank you for your support. You have a lovely way with words.
Aloha Rachel. I hope you’re doing well. I’m definitely going to read your next book! Smile. I’m reading the first one now and I’m benefiting from it greatly. I’m also enjoying it. I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery. I’m also glad you had family support through this time. I hope you and your Ohana, family, have an awesome rest of the summer!
I hope you are on the mend and enjoying a better sense of wellness. Such beautiful thoughts and candidness in this post! I especially love the last sentence…. “And we’ll never find out who’s been waiting to help us up if we never allow ourselves to fall into the arms of grace.”
Rachel,
I am so happy you found your problem and are on your way to recovery and feeling better!
I just got around to reading this today because I have been too busy with life, and wow…what a great reminder that I need to take a few minutes for myself. Thanks for being my “me” time.
Glad to hear you are off the soda. I was a Diet Coke drinker for decades and didn’t think I could live without it. It wasn’t until I started having ulcer issues that I decided it was time to clean up my eating/drinking. I am currently following The Daniel Plan to get my eating on track and back to basics. I just found the inner strength (with God’s help) to complete a 10 day detox period where I gave up all dairy, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, fast food, artificial sweeteners and any processed foods. Not only did I complete the 10 days, I was able to keep going and now I am 19 days in. I just wanted to share with you that giving up soda can be done and you can find strength to do even more than that if need be. 🙂
Best wishes to you on your recovery!
Your posts always make my day and I will be praying for you!
Tracie
Prayers for you!
Your post was timely. I have been spreading myself too thin lately, with fun, cleaning, and service. While running errands yesterday, I felt very sleepy. That sleepy feeling usually doesn’t encroach on my errands, just when I’m resting on the couch. I already have some adrenal fatigue issues, so I took it for what it was: a signal to slow down and do better at self-care. Your lines, “Even losing yourself in good works is still losing yourself … Even the one who handles everything must rest and restore …” spoke to me. And I think, even though there is the scriptural concept of losing ourselves/finding ourselves, I do know we still must do self-care, and we cannot run faster than we have strength for very long without consequences. There is a level of losing ourselves that is too much.
Anyway . . . I love your words and your mission. If I lived near by we would bring you treats after surgery.
I absolutely love your blog, it’s truly what I think so many times and you say it. I have been struggling lately, trying to remotivate myself. I found a great book called The Thriving Woman’s Guide to Setting Boundaries and it’s made a great deal of difference in my life. It’s by Kim Buck. But blogs like yours help me daily and I thank you for that!
Hi Jerri, thank you for the book mention. I appreciate that.
Rachel, I hope you are doing well. Something to ponder – what if taking care of yourself wasn’t selfish but was something that made your kids feel safe? What if not taking care of yourself told your kids that they didn’t matter enough for you to want to be here?
Thank you so very much for this post. I have four beautiful boys ages six and under and life is wonderful but very, very difficult and exhausting right now. I have been trying so hard to become a calm, gentle, understanding mother who rolls with the punches and messes of childhood but sometimes it is difficult to enjoy these days. I feel guilty for not doing so more and also for complaining that things are hard when so many others yearn for children. Anyway, thank you for reminding me that my feelings are not to be shoved aside and that I need self-care in order to become the mother I so long to be. Thank you again for being an answer to my prayers.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I believe I was meant to stumble across this today… On a day where all I want to do is cry and leave this hell that my body has become. I forgot about hope… That when you have hope you have everything. And I hope that the rest of today is now better because I read this post. I hope you are feeling better and please keep writing.
Your blog is like a balm on my worn out soul. I love that I can read the same article just WEEKS apart and your voice speaks to me from such a different place each time. I have found that whenever I need help in feeling lifted up, loved, or appreciated I can come to your blog or your books and instantly find what I need. As I embark on Day 14 of being the one who has “fallen down,” I am going a bit easier on myself and this need for my body to rest and heal. Your words today have given me a sense of peace. I am going to get through this….
I am seeing the silver lining….my girls are surviving without me catering to them…my parents are taking me to every appointment because I cant drive…my husband is stepping up to take over EVERYTHING around the house, even though he has worked all day. I am loved and I am supported – BECAUSE – I am a Hands Free Mama.
Much love,
Jenny
This means so much to me, Jenny. I think it is pretty amazing what you said about how you can gain a different message from the same piece depending on what you are going through at the time. This is hugely motivating for me. I will use it as writing fuel today. I am grateful to read the silver linings you are finding in your challenging time. I am honored and blessed that my words are bringing you solace right now. Thank you for BEING.
Dearest Rachel,
The fact that something I wrote might inspire you to write something is just what my broken body needs right now. And just so you know…I re-read this piece again…just 5 days later and not only did the tears still come, but I had an epiphany of what I need to do for myself AND I thought of someone I need to send this post to. The truth in your words never gets old.
I have been doing some more “caring” of myself during the last 5 days and after some serious self-talk, some releasing of deep rooted fears and some intense journaling, I was able to take a 3 minute shower, followed by standing up to brush my teeth and finally to get dressed. I was standing/moving/walking for nearly 8 minutes….prior to this I could handle maybe 2 minutes of standing at a time. I am determined to make myself important and remember that I have feelings and needs too, so that I can return to doing what I love most…being with my family and friends.
Jenny
You are amazing. Thank you so much for continuing to update me on your tremendous progress. You are a force, dear sister, and you are strong and mighty.
Thank you for your beautiful words. I definitely need to start heeding this way of living, looking forward to the new book to help me get through a few tough weeks.