“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
-Helen Keller
I was a few months late coming in for my follow-up x-ray, but as soon as the technician began speaking, it was clear I was right on time.
“How long have you had the pain?” she asked, ready to jot down my response on the form in hand.
“Over a year,” I said matter-of-factly, sounding oblivious to the fact that a year was a long time for such a thing.
She stopped writing on her clipboard and looked up. “Oh honey. I am sorry,” she said like a dear friend would to another.
I wasn’t expecting that—that human response in this sterile room with ominous machines and cold floors and exposing gowns that made me feel small and scared.
“Do you think you need a new doctor?” she asked.
“I’ve been to many doctors and there have been many tests and scans… but everyone keeps saying they can’t find anything wrong,” I explained. “We were hoping that once my body recovered from the two kidney surgeries I had last July, things would go back to normal … but they haven’t. Lately, it’s been getting worse,” I admitted.
I thought she would give me that look – the disconnected one that said “on to the next patient, there’s nothing to be done here.” Instead her voice got strong and feisty, and she leaned in a little. “Keep searching until you get answers,” she said adamantly. “Don’t give up on this, okay? This is not over. You can’t live like this.”
“Okay,” I promised. “I won't give up.” I detected a hint of determination in my voice that I hadn’t heard in awhile. I was certain I was being fueled by this woman’s unexpected support. In all my past scans, this had never happened before. It felt providential, like divine oxygen to my lungs, like an added boost of confidence to my shaky soul. “Thank you,” I said as I laid back and held my breath.
My pain is real. It’s time to gear up for the fight. I am not done. I thought to myself for the first time in many months.
Back in December, my doctor performed a cystoscopy in an attempt to figure out what was amiss. Unfortunately, I came home from the hospital that day with more questions than answers. After careful consideration, I decided it was time to surrender, at least for a bit. I’d experienced many months of hospitals, scans, tests, unanswered questions, and hopeless faces. I decided the best thing to do next was gather myself, be still, and trust that in time I would know what to do next.
And now, in the confines of a small, dark room, I was given an empowering message: It was time for a comeback. I was not finished yet.
As I drove home from the hospital I thought about an exquisite piece of writing, perhaps one of the most powerful I’d ever read, entitled, “She Was Done,” by Adrienne Pieroth. When I shared it on The Hands Free Revolution Facebook page, I asked members of our community to use comment boxes to identify which line in the piece most resonated with them. That’s when the piece rose to a whole new level. As I read each reader’s highlighted line, the selected declaration became a masterpiece of its own. Some lines made me breathe easier. Some lines took my breath away. Some made me nod in agreement and feel less alone. Some made me feel like celebrating. But all of them made me feel like living, as opposed to simply existing. And it was clear I wasn’t alone.
As lines were posted and readers liked and shared, I could see people rising up … I could feel ah-ha moments happening … I could sense weary souls being resuscitated. A few of the most shared lines from Adrienne’s piece were these:
“She was done beating herself up and being so hard on herself as if either of these things led to changes or made her feel better. She realized kindness and compassion towards herself and others accomplished more.”
“She was done seeing hurt as something to be avoided, foreseen or somehow her fault. She realized hurt shaped her as much as joy and she needed both to learn and grow.”
“She was done trying to figure it all out, know the answers, plan everything and see all the possibilities before she began. She realized life was unfolding and that the detours and unexpected moments were some of the best parts.”
“She was done with regrets. She realized if she'd known better, she would of done better.”
“She was done being tired. She realized it came from spending her time doing things that didn’t bring her joy or feed her soul.”
“She was done not following the desires that yelled out in her soul every day. She realized if she did nothing about them, they died a quiet death that took a piece of her soul with them.”
“She was done being something she was not. She realized the purpose of life was to be truly, happily who she was born to be…and if she paused long enough to remember, she recognized herself.”
The sheer volume of comments magnified the hope of the piece. It was as if someone gave the readers lyrics to the song of their hearts and they all began singing in unison, voices strong and triumphant.
“She Was Done” was an anthem for renewal … recovery … rejuvenation … and revival.
“She Was Done” was a comeback anthem for life.
And I felt I had stumbled on it at just the right time.
I got home from my x-ray to find a hot meal prepared by my husband waiting for me. Sitting around the table with my three favorite people was just what I needed. My daughter Avery said grace. As per the last 22 days, her prayer involved cats.
“Dear God, thank you for helping Natalie write the note that made Daddy say yes to us adopting little Paisley. Thank you for letting us save the lives of all 6 kittens. Please let us find homes for the remaining 5. Please don’t let them have to go into the PetSmart shelter. And please let Mama be okay.”
“Thank you,” I said to her.
“I am not done,” I said to myself.
After dinner my daughters and I prepared six tiny syringes of medication for the kittens. I was quite the pro by now. I held up little Lacie first. She had not been with us originally. When the mother cat and her kittens were rescued, Lacie was so weak and unresponsive that she needed immediate medical treatment.
I then lifted Madras and Clover, the nearly indistinguishable two who I found lifeless one night shortly after their arrival. I remember crying as the two kittens drug themselves across the floor to get to the food I’d set out. I remember how the cat shelter owner came immediately to take all the kittens to the emergency vet. I remember her warning me that those two probably wouldn’t make it through the night. Something told me they would survive. I could see they were fighters.
And now here we are, watching all six of the kittens run, jump, and play … so full of life.
I don't think it’s any coincidence my family has spent the first month of our summer giving life to these amazing little beings. At just the right time, they’re serving as a powerful reminder of the lesson I most often forget. I must care for myself as I care for the ones I love. What this means is, I need nourishment. I need rest. I need playtime. I need love. I need medical attention if something’s not right. We all do. And sometimes this critical reminder is given to us through the words of a kind stranger working in an imagining center or through an author on the Internet. And somehow these words become an anthem of renewal … recovery … rejuvenation … and revival.
These words become a comeback anthem for life.
My anthem sounds like this:
I’m not done. I have so much yet to do. There are things I have not seen. There are moments in my children’s lives I want to witness. I want to grow old with my husband. I want to write more books that help people. But I must fight. I must refuse to accept there is nothing wrong. I must be my own advocate. I am determined to find someone who can help me get past the pain so I can truly live.
As I reflect back on our time ministering to these precious kittens, something stands out. Oftentimes Avery would just sit with kittens and sing. Apparently they had a favorite tune: “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. Quietly, yet fiercely, Avery would sing these lyrics over and over to the kittens:
“This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now, I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me.”
Perhaps the kittens took those lyrics to heart. Perhaps there’s a little something in that song for all of us. Perhaps if you don’t have an anthem, you can start with Fight Song. Avery sings it so beautifully here.
My friends, if today finds you weary, confused, burdened, joyless, hurting, or empty, I have a message for you:
Don’t give up. You are not done. There is so much life yet to experience. Start by giving yourself some nourishment—perhaps a decent meal, a short nap, a walk around the block, or a chat with a trusted friend. Seek professional help if that’s what you need. Put yourself first on the priority list. Your people want you to be well and happy. They want you around for a long time. You must care for yourself as you care for them. Come back to life. Come back to joy. It’s time to run and jump and play like you once did.
You’re a fighter. I can sense it. Hold my hand. I’m a fighter too.
Together we’ll lift our voices high, and let the world know we are not done.
**********************************
My friends, you may have noticed in some of the photos I'm wearing beautiful metal cuffs that read “only love today” and “come as you are.” These phrases and metal cuffs were suggested by YOU as items you hoped to see in the Hands Free Shop. I can't tell you how grateful and strengthened I feel when I look down and see these anthems on my wrist. Although “see flowers not weeds” quickly sold out when I showed it on the Facebook page, it is back in stock today (quantities limited). The following three phrases on copper and aluminum cuffs can be pre-ordered now and will ship to you in mid-July:
ONLY LOVE TODAY
COME AS YOU ARE
TODAY MATTERS MORE THAN YESTERDAY
SEE FLOWERS NOT WEEDS – This cuff is currently available and was requested by readers after I posted “Taking Away My Daughter’s Smile.”
One final note: Beginning tomorrow, this blog and The Hands Free Revolution Facebook page will be quiet for the month of July as I care for myself and spend time with my family. I would be so delighted if you might choose to join me in a media break so you can quiet the noise of the world and hear the anthem in your heart. I leave you with a photo of the newest member of our family: Paisley Stafford. As Natalie said in her letter to her daddy: “I knew I loved her from the moment I saw her.” My friends, I love you all and cherish your hand in mine as we fight to grasp what matters most in this precious life. See you in August.
My 27 year old daughter mother of as five yeasr old is now listedd 1A priority for her 2nd heart transplant, the first when she was only *. I share “her song” with you !
Sorry about all of the Typos : She was ONLY 8 years old for her first heart transplant.
Abby, so beautiful. Scotland? My novenas and thoughts are with your family and your daughter.
I really just started to read this site.
Amazed me. And scared me. Scared me straight up, not to give up.
Been a tough time, for all here, I am actually smiling for the first time today.
You ALL made me see that I was actually feeling sorry for myself.
What a copout. I WILL smile and I will get better.
I have never been a quitter, so I won’t be now either.
May God bless you Rachel, enjoy your summer.
Love you, Connie. Holding your hand and squeezing it tight.
I’m gobsmacked. First, the post speaks to me on so many levels. Rachel you are a wizard with words. Thank you
Second, I was looking for an inspirational story to share for clients, what I found was a wonderful treasure trove of heart and soul and a new must read for me.
For Abby Moser: Sending love light and healing prayers for you,your daughter and her family. The video is breathtaking, I am originally from Scotland, and confess my heart will always be there.
I love the fight song!
Beautifully remade and beautiful background. Prayers for your daughter on this journey.
Big hugs and many blessings to you and your warrior daughter. This rendition of Fight Song was breathtaking! Thank you! I am hopeful!
I just recently discovered your blog and books and they are so inspiring! This post just screamed at me. I definitely needed to read this today. Thank you!
God bless ya Rachel!
Enjoy your month off and thank you for your amazing reminder xx
Heal yourself and surround your heart with those little beauties you share this life with. Be well Rachel.. Sending you healing energy ❤️
Hi Rachel, I’ve been reading many of your posts. The same question keeps coming to mind – how do you find the courage to bare your life online this way? It is amazing. Thank you for doing it, for writing what we all feel and think in our own private moments.
I love all your posts, but this one hits me deeply. My daughter has chronic health issues and we have often times felt like giving up. But, we have finally found compassionate, caring doctors who have formed a team of support and healing around her.
I had a very difficult 22 year long marriage that finally ended in divorce almost 5 years ago. Unfortunately, the conflict has continued causing a huge amount of stress to me and my children.
My new theme, and my iPhone ring tone, is Fight Song. It helps empower me to get through each day!
Thank you for sharing a snippet of your life with us today. It helps, it really does!
Rachel, you are an angel – a gift to this world. I thank you for sharing your heart and soul with all of us. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me…there have been days when I’ve felt so worthless but I read your blog and I think…everything’s gonna be alright. I can fight another day – I am exactly where I should be. I will pray for healing of your physical pain. I know in my gut that there is an answer to your physical condition. Just remain open to the intuitive gleanings – they will lead you to the right doctor, perhaps the right nurse who will shed light on the ailment. I also suggest you have your endocrine system checked – it is something that popped into my head and I’ve learned to just share these insights with others because they have proved helpful in the past. Please take care and God bless you and your beautiful family. Lulu
Thank you, Lulu. I cherish your encouraging words so much. Thank you also for sharing your insight. This is exactly why I feel compelled to share my medical mystery and struggles openly. Each time someone offers me a suggestion or idea, it is offered to this whole community. I believe we hold answers for each other. With just one discovery that we share, we can change someone’s life. I appreciate you words today and all the comments that came before yours. I love this community so very much.
Rachel, you are prayed for. Please, please look for a functional doctor, a naturopath, etc. After 40 yrs. of searching for medical answers we finally have answers & renewed health! I changed doctors several times but they all practiced the traditional way of medicines & more medicines which didn’t solve the root of the problem. Just some advice from someone who has truly been where you are. May God be with you!
So true!! I finally found a functional medicine doctor who I have seen only once. I have been struggling to feel better for 10 years after finally being diagnosed with Hashimoto’s. I have tried regular dr and even 2 endocronologists- none of whom did more than tests and hand me a pill prescription. They ignored my symptoms and my feedback about how I was feeling and relied on old, outdated numbers about “normal ranges”. I almost cried when my new doctor told me I was way undermedicated and she was going to help me using natural medication, supplements and make changes in my diet. I vowed about 8 years ago that I was going to keep fighting for myself until I found someone who would help me. I have researched my condition and know more than any of the drs I have seen. It is lonely when even my husband thinks it’s all in my head, but I am finally feeling hopeful about my treatment plan. ? Glad you have found help too!
I am praying for you Rachel. I know that never ending trek from Doctor to lab to imagining and it can be mind numbing, heart breaking and defeating. Hold on to your anthem. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. Keep questioning and change doctors if you need to. You know your body and your pain is real. Enjoy your period of rest and continue to be that inspiring mama that you are. Love to you and the girls.
My two girls sing fight song daily. It is empowering.
I read your posts late at night. They always find me when I need it most. I to find myself needing strength to keep up the fight.
Today has been a particularly testing day!
Thank you for your inspiration.
I had chronic back pain for years – to the point that people were beginning to find fault with me for not finding a cure. I eventually found a couple of very talented physical therapists who have helped me tremendously, but I remember those years of pain well. Your message resonated with me. Sending you warm wishes and prayers of healing and well being.
Keep fighting for yourself! I’ve struggled with chronic migraines for 30 years. It took me 15 years of searching and advocating for myself to find relief. The pain was gone for 5 years! Unfortunately it has returned and the solutions of the past aren’t working in the present. I am back on the path to find relief and I know I must be strong and persistent in my search. I hope you find your relief soon.
Could you be more beautiful?!
Thank you. That is so kind.
Thank you for your blog! You’re an amazing inspiration for me and have helped me in so many ways. Love to you and your family from me and my family! <3
I was very touched by your story of looking for answers on this path. There an no accidents, no mishaps, just life shaping us to become our best versions of ourselves. Just wanted to send you light and love on your journey!
I just discovered your blog as well~so beautiful! It means a lot that you’re willing to share your life, thoughts, struggles, inspirations, etc. Thank you! Helps to feel connected as people trying to make our way in this world.
I had success with a good PT as well. They seem to know the inter-workings of the body better than others in the medical profession.
Happy month of quieter time~enjoy!
Warmly,
Cathy
Oh Rachel thank you. Thank you , thank you, thank you. My girls and I love this song! We haven’t listened to it for ages and now after reading your post I realised that maybe I needed to – for so many different reasons. I’ve felt too tired to fight any more for such a long time now, just worn out from fighting for all this time. I feel like I need a rest. But your post has reminded me that I do have the fight in me to keep going, to fight for what I want for my family and I, for what I believe. Sending you so much love and hoping that you get the answers to your health questions soon. Chloe xx
PS: Your daughter Avery sings so beautifully – I loved getting a little glimpse into your lives.
Thank you. I needed this.
I too have had unexplained pain lately, for almost a year. Earlier this year I was informed that they suspected I might have bowel cancer. I didn’t (although they dis find a condition which makes it likely I’ll develop bowel cancer one day), but the fear of my children and husband being without me and me without them was… I cant describe it. An emotional pain.
Still the physical pain comes and goes with no explanation and still I search for answers.
In the meantime, my mother in law passed away from pancreatic cancer. My 2 year old neigbour was hit by a car and killed and only a couple of weeks ago my husband’s friend and colleague was killed by a train at work.
Next week I have to go back to work, leaving my two young children in day care.
Sometimes it’s hard to push through. I feel the need to look after so many people. Theres so much in my plate. Working. Caring for the family, there physical and emotional needs. Not wanting to miss a moment of this fragile life.
But I recognise that I can get lost. To look after them I need to look after me. I sometimes feel like giving up, like they’ll never figure out what’s causing my pain.
What a powerful reminder to keep trying. Looking after myself needs to be a priority as well. I need to do it for myself so that I can be there for my family.
Sweet Rachel,
Thank you for sharing your gift with so many people. May the month of July be filled with peaceful time, restful sleep, healthy comforting foods, love, family and friends. I will keep you in my prayers and send you healing thoughts. You’ve got this! We will be going screen free after we return from a road trip and I am looking forward to it! Much Love to You.
Hugs,
Melissa
Wonderful. Thank you for sharing. Hoping for your recovery. Your daughter’s song was beautiful. I thought you might enjoy this version of Fight Song and Amazing Grace by The Piano Guys. Pretty stunning! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mOO5qRjVFLw
Thank you for your inspiration which has helped me on my journey as a mother and wife. I hope you find the answers that will have relieve pain and bring peace.
Your posts always hit me at the most needed time. Last year your post about turning inward during your move came at the exact time that my husband, myself and our 3 daughters were moving 500 miles away from our home to a new state and new city…completely on our own and you reminded me to cling to them during such a trying time. And this post today couldn’t have come at a better time. A time when I feel alone, when I’ve faced hard truths about myself, my brokenness…your words gave me hope, that I don’t have to be done either. Thank you Rachel, your words are divinely delivered and have been a saving grace to me.
Thank you, dear Whitney. This really touches my heart. Thank you for holding my hand today.
Thank you.
Enjoy the media break.
Find a practictioner of traditional Chinese medicine.
I can make a referral if you Lmk your location. Pain can only exist if there is blockage. If everything is flowing freely there is no pain.
To all our relations.
Namaste,
Abbey
I don’t want to presume but have you had your blood tested for iron overload? My friend Joe who is also an author started ironitout.org after iron overload almost killed him … He couldn’t figure out what was dragging him down till he got that test now he’s fighting to get it on reg blood panels
Thank you, Annie. All ideas and insights welcomed — if not for me, then someone who is reading this might have a lightbulb moment regarding something that is shared here. I am so grateful you took the time to mention this.
Rachel, I am praying for you and healing for your health issues. If we do not take time to care for ourselves we are unable to care for others. Jesus often went alone to be with the Father to find the nourishment and care He needed. I too have a pervasive health issue. I am dealing with a severe case of adrenaline burnout and years or surgeries to try to repair my broken body from a very violent domestic violence incident. I need to take my days captive and live by a schedule and eat certain things and exercise and get a lot more rest and most of the time I try a little of this each day… but no one helps. My sons just go on their merry twentysomething way and my husband is busy working. I have spent my whole life serving them and it is now literally killing me. My husband is a good man unlike the former man in my life who tried to kill me… but he lacks compassion. Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself. In your case you are blessed with a family who is coming to your aid. In my case, I and God are alone in this. But I have to say NO to almost everything for the next year or this could literally kill me. I have long distance friends who pray for me, but it is so hard to go it alone. Yes, God is with me… but I pray for a real life friend who could be in my court. I encourage you to get all the help you can get. At least I do have excellent doctors who have worked with me for solutions. Now I must implement them. Blessings to you !
Thank you, Bonnie Jean, for sharing your incredible story, strength, and faith. Your heart is beautiful and I have been blessed by it today. I will be keeping you in my prayers.
Always the right words at the right time. I have not been doing a good job of taking care of me….although I preach it well to all my family and friends. Life continues to not be as I expected- especially as I walk beside my mom as she fights cancer and other health issues. Thank you for continue to encourage me and be that best friend with words full of the most wisdom! Enjoy your very deserved break and know that you will be missed while you bask in the sweetness of your life!!!
Thank you for the gift of this, it was needed more than you can know.
I appreciate hearing this SO VERY MUCH! Holding your hand, sweet Mary.
Hugs to you Rachel !
This morning I came out of the overwhelming gathering that had left me thinking I was done and there was not much more I could do or give in the setting I had found myself in. I felt sad, almost defeated as I walked away. “if today finds you weary, confused, burdened, joyless, hurting, or empty”… that was me.
And, to comfort myself, I opened your page wanting to at least re-read some of the older posts that make me feel good, but I had found another new gem that spoke to my heart.
I lack big words to express the actual scale of the effect this post had on me, I can only offer deep gratitude and thanks you that you do what you do.Thank you so much Rachel, for your writing, your openness, for the reminders. Reminders to take care of ourselves, reminders how even the smallest show of humanity gives us strength, reminders to believe in our own strengths however incompatible they seem with the context where we feel out of our own depths.
I hope you will get some answers for the health concerns you have. Stay open, search and research. Sometimes it’s the simple, too obvious things which get missed because we no longer notice them, the very ones that cause issues: sugar in all its forms and its seemingly less harmful replacements; gluten or other food allergens which create broad spectrum of vague or rather general symptoms, which (to make things worse) can also be attributed to other causes, when it takes pure luck for the medical professional to spot some odd pattern in the test results; extended exposure to continued stress when we accept that high-alert state is normal, just like long time of living with pain can become a new norm simply because it’s there all the time. I remember when several years ago a successful back treatment relieved me of the debilitating back pain that I had lived with for so long that I stopped registering it. Once the pain was gone, once I realized that I had even learnt to move in a special way in order to minimize the pain I have been feeling, I cried, the relief was so overwhelming and powerful. It’s remembering that feeling of relief and released energy that drives me to resolve other health issues when they come up. I hope you’ll find the answers you need to feel that same sense of relief.
I cherish every word you have written to me. Thank you for giving me a piece of your heart and reaching out your hand. It makes all the difference.
Other people have written such well-crafted responses but I wanted to add my own. In my experience, chronic pain – mental or physical – drags you down and depletes the energy you need to find answers. I am so glad that the technician at the medical centre reignited that spark in you. Sometimes it just takes the comment of one person to set you back on the path to wellness. Best of luck.
Rachel thank you for holding my hand today. I can’t put into words how much I needed this, so I won’t even try. I will be sending good thoughts and prayers your way on your continued journey of healing. Bless you, you are truly an angel.
Oh Rachel. I pray for you daily. We are both going through painful health conditions and it is so easy to put them to the side and get on with our families and to do lists. I pray that you find time for rest, because you can only care for your family if you are caring for yourself. I have slowed way way down in life thanks to you and to my disease (yes I’m thankful!!) and it has been wonderful. You are in the fight and you are doing well to decide to fight back!! Whenever I am feeling discouraged I remind myself that I am doing it for my girls. Love, Heather
Feel better Rachel…your reminders are a tremendous life-line for me. The good you share will not return to you void. All will be well.
Rachel, thank you. I am sitting here holding my 18-month old baby girl in a quiet moment in her hospital room. We are on only day five of a new journey for her, one that will be very challenging. On Monday my little Emma was diagnosed with cancer. Six days ago we were a normal family of six playing in the backyard and enjoying the beginning of summer, today I am broken. Your words have healed me for years now but your post tonight has saved me – so beautiful and Fight Song will now lead the way for my baby’s journey to health over the coming months. I am so lost but this song will guide her as she conquers this disease that I still can’t say out loud yet. You are an angel to me and saved me tonight.
Oh Leah, my precious Leah. I hope you feel my hand in yours right now. I am squeezing it tight and I will not let go. Your daughter will sense the fighter in her mama — something tells me she has it already within her, from you. And together you will overcome. You and your daughter will be in my daily prayers. I will envision the day you leave a comment that she is completely healed. It is coming. With an abundance of prayers and love, RMS
Rachel,
After a long first day of chemo I finally am sitting for a quiet moment and just read your reply. Actually I think I have read it ten times already. Bless you for filling my heart with hope. I am falling apart inside but tonight you gave me a bit of extra strength to go on. And yes, I will most definitely tell you when she beats this. Thank you for holding my hand along the way, your words mean so much.
Leah
Rachel, from the moment I read your first book, I felt a instant connection with you. I feel like we’ve lived parallel lives as I read about your struggles both as a mother and with chronic pain. I have three girls and you have helped me become a much more present mom. Each day I have to work hard but know I’m on a better road. I really wanted to write to let you know that I’ve lived eight + years with chronic health issues with no answers. I’ve lost hope over the years, seen so many specialist with the no answers. Long story short I was finally diagnosed last November with Lyme disease. Since finding an amazing functional/ingrative Doctor I literally feel like a new person. It’s still a long road to recovery but at least now I have answers and the pain is so much better. Being in pain for all these years trying to raise kids was almost like going through motions. I now have the energy and hope to survive and thrive again. My goal is to help others and I would strongly suggest getting a Lyme test if you haven’t already. I never would have thought it was what was causing me numerous symptoms throughout the years but it is a horrible disease that can completely take over your body. I hope you find the answers and take this month to figure out your medical mysteries. Best of luck and don’t give up hope.
Love this so much. Yes, we must first give to ourselves before we can give to others. As women, we’re always getting that backwards. I love that poem “She was done,” an anthem for so many of our lives. I wish you the best with your medical challenges. Its always darkest before the dawn. Corny, but true.
Rachel,
Thank you once again for your great message. I have still been following your posts and I miss none. However, for a long time I have not been able to comment because I constantly feel like a failure. I fall off the band wagon quite often especially recently.I have been feeling defeated but I have found hope in your post once again.I promise my self to be better every day but I rarely make any progress. But today I will also declare that am not done. I will not give up, I will fight because I am not a quitter. There are things that are making me feel like I need professional help but I don’t know who to turn to.I have fallen in love with the fight song after I listened to Avery sing it and I can tell you her voice is heavenly. Thank you Rachel, I will always say thank you. You put me back on track.
I love you, Winnie. Thank you for bearing your soul here in this space. Your words make ME feel hopeful. I bet they will have that impact on others too. Please know I am holding your hand. We’ll take small steps forward together. Thank you for being here. To read you “miss none” of my posts is possibly one of the greatest compliments my writer’s heart can hear. I relish your words today.
Rachel…. I know you wont be reading this anytime soon, but I’ve been missing your posts, and I went directly to your page and noticed posts I’d never gotten on my facebook feed. I have the worst issue missing important posts! Anyway, I started reading them from the most recent post, and realized you’re still having kidney issues/pain. Sweet friend….. living with chronic pain, especially when you don’t know WHY you’re having pain can be so consuming. As an RN, I have a million medical questions running through my mind, but as a huge fan of yours, I’m crying. I’m heartbroken you are still not getting much needed answers to your problem.
I know you must have a million friends in the medical field offering advice, but if you need help researching who the best of the best is, in whatever specialty you need/want to see, I’ll be on it! 🙂 Sister, its time to go big…. (Mayo Clinic in Rochester is ranked #1 hospital in nephrology, Cleveland Clinic is #2) I don’t know what specialty you need, but sister, I will help find who is the best if you need me!!
I feel like you have been not feeling well, like your normal healthy self in a long time. I’m praying for you tonight and will continue until you have all the answers you need.
Let me know if you want me to get info for you. I’m ready to jump into action!