The Song of Empty Rooms for Braving December’s Blues

Don’t hold on to a song.

That’s been my motto since I was a ten-year-old-mixed-tape-making, boom-box-loving freckle-faced girl.

I spent endless hours in my lemon-yellow room with green carpet, making mixed tapes for people I love. Later, I became a master at burning CDs, which I inserted into fancy covers that I would mail long distances to excited recipients.

When computers no longer came with that little slot for burning CDs, I was quite devastated. How will I send songs to my beloveds when they need a lift? I wondered.

The solution was quite simple. If a song reminded me of someone or their situation, I would find the video online, and I’d send it to them digitally. Although this gesture involved minimal effort and certainly had no pretty cover, the recipient’s reaction indicated it was still a gift.

“You gave me song, and it was just what I needed to hear.”

This happened recently when I was out for a walk. I heard my friend’s song. I hadn’t yet told her that she had a song—it was never quite the right time—but that day, I knew it was time. She was 1000 miles away, unpacking boxes in her new place, for her new life… after so much change… after so much pain.

It was time to tell her Snow Patrol had written her a song.

After playing it on repeat for 24 hours straight, my friend shared the song on social media in case it was someone else’s song too.

My friend knows you don’t hold on to a song
Because it has the potential to become
a comeback anthem,
a survival track,
a hymn of hope,
and a lifeline home.

Simply stated: Music has the power to carry us through.

My husband Scott knows the impact of music in my life, and there’s one particular musician who got me through an especially challenging period. For my birthday last January, Scott paid the extra ticket price so I could meet this musician. I’ll admit, I cried a little when I found out I would be meeting Mat Kearney. For weeks, I thought about what I would say to this inspiring singer-songwriter whose music enabled me to write my first book under a nearly impossible six-week deadline.

Before the Meet & Greet with Mat, there was a brief acoustic concert and then fans got to ask him questions about his journey, his songwriting, his life, and his inspiration.

I didn’t have my tiny notebook that I use to record interesting thoughts and details, but I committed one detail to memory—the part where Mat said he sang to nearly empty rooms for years and years. Even though it seemed like no one was listening, he kept singing his songs—songs that were written in the middle of what felt like “a wilderness” … songs that were written “as prayers, not answers to questions.”

When it was time to meet Mat, I handed him a copy of HANDS FREE MAMA and explained why he is mentioned in the acknowledgements. Inside the book I wrote, “Never stop writing lifelines that lead us home.”

That is when Mat held the book up… our joint effort… his song and my song together… for a photo.

As I walked away from the Meet & Greet area, someone called out my name. I looked around in surprise thinking I couldn’t possibly know anyone at the venue.

Standing there smiling was a darling couple who said they were long-time followers of my work. “We pre-ordered Hands Free Mama, if that tells you anything,” the husband said.

We all laughed, knowing the pre-order readers are among a very special group of dedicated supporters.

As we stood there talking, I couldn’t help but be fascinated by this full circle moment. I was there to thank the man whose music helped me pour out my deepest truths. And although I knew I might be writing to no one, I was writing my way out of the darkness. And here stood this couple telling me that my writing had reached their family, and it had carried them through their own challenging periods.

Don’t hold on to a song.
It has the potential to become
a comeback anthem,
a survival track,
a hymn of hope,
and a lifeline home.

Simply stated: Music has the power to carry us through.

But there was more to this story, and I’ve waited eight months for the MORE to be revealed. It came two weeks ago while riding in a taxi.

I’d decided to take a big leap of faith while in Boston for a speaking event. A kind driver from Nigeria was taking me to the meeting.

Initially, the driver said he was fine, but I came to learn he wasn’t.

He was telling me how much he missed his children when his voice cracked, and the tears began to fall.

As he wiped his face, he said, “I don’t usually tell people these things, but there was something about the way you greeted me when you got in the car. I could tell you accepted me.”

And although this man's story was painful, the more he poured out, the more I was able to point out all the positive things he was doing to help his situation.

The man eagerly accepted every encouragement I offered, and with a voice strong and clear, he shared his greatest hope. He made me feel brave to share my greatest hope with him.

And when I did, our joint effort… his song and my song together… made such a beautiful sound. Right out into the atmosphere, our hopes took flight, on the wings of acceptance.

With a parting smile to my new friend, I walked across the busy street to my destination. I quickly learned that the person with whom I had an appointment had no recollection of it. For a brief moment, my leap of faith, my big hope, fell flat on its face.

But it didn't stay down for long.

Some would think I just wasted an hour of my life, but I saw it as one of the most valuable hours of my life. My conversation with the taxi driver gave me the most important piece of this story—the chorus—to share with you now.

It goes like this:

We all have songs.
Songs are not only set to music;
They are also set to the ebb and flow of life.

We all have songs.
They are not just for those with majestic voices;
They are for those whose voices crack with pain and promise.

We all have songs.
They are not just for those with record labels, book deals, or large followings;
They are for those brave enough to release their prayers into the atmosphere on the wings of hope.

We all have songs.
They do not pour out when we are on top of the world,
But when we are scared, lost, alone, and uncertain,
Singing to empty rooms
Typing 10,000 words when the world is asleep
Navigating busy streets with tear-filled eyes
Unpacking boxes to a whole new life.

But let us not be dismayed; music has the power to carry us through.

Perhaps that is the message we most need right now in one of the most heartbreaking seasons this world has ever known.

Perhaps next time you find yourself drowning… fretting… hurting… and stressing, pay attention to the lyrics.

And if someone comes to mind, send the song.

And if you feel overwhelmed, play the song.

And if your heart is breaking, write the song.

And if you should be lucky enough to hear someone else’s song, accept it with love.

But don’t hold on to it.
It has the potential to become
a comeback anthem,
a survival track,
a hymn of hope,
and a lifeline home.

And don’t be surprised if it comes back to you, by name,
When you need it most.

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Friends, I have some very exciting news to share. This Friday morning (November 30, 2018) I have the honor of sharing my “song” on the TODAY SHOW during the 9 o’clock hour. It is a show about burnout and stress. I am blessed to know that your hand will be in mine as I share painful truths and small steps of hope with the world. I cherish your support and presence.  Thank you for being part of The Hands Free Revolution.

**Some people have recently asked if I will be holding my transformative online course, SOUL SHIFT, in January again and the answer is YES. Simply enter your email here to be notified when registration opens. At that time, you will receive all the information you need to decide if this is the right time for you to release long-held damaging beliefs so you can take small steps towards true fulfillment, self-acceptance, and inner peace. I believe it is NEVER TOO LATE to live the life you want to live or be the person or parent you want to be. I'd be honored if you choose to become part of my SOUL SHIFT family.