For most of my life, I’ve struggled to ask for what I need.
Actually, I didn’t even know what I needed because: 1) I spent the majority time thinking about what other people needed, and 2) the thought of listening to my feelings felt scary.
But here’s what happens when you constantly give and give and dismiss your needs…
Anger and resentment become frequent visitors, often overstaying their welcome so there is no room for joy.
I can’t count the number of times I quietly simmered, thinking, ‘Why didn’t anyone know how much I needed them to show up for me?’
Well, that sure didn’t get me anywhere… just farther from joy.
Once I realized spending time with anger and resentment wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life, I began paying attention to when they showed up. I realized those feelings were trying to tell me something important.
Motivated to understand these emotions better led to the Practice of Presence (self-listening) which led to the Practice of True Worth (self-love). That’s when a noticeable difference took place inside me and around me. Less anger and resentment, more compassion and connection.
Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings and express them in appropriate ways brought me to places I never thought I’d be — like being able to write this note to my husband, Scott, a few weeks back.
Sitting next to his personal copy of Soul Shift was the note with a heart necklace taped to it.
“If there is one thing I’d most like to have to celebrate my book launch, it would be to get this necklace fixed. I bought it for myself after completing a hard endeavor two years ago and didn’t take it off until it broke. I tried to replace it, but the company doesn’t carry it anymore.”
I didn’t say the necklace also represents the living map that is now in the back of my new book.
Nor did I say I bought matching necklaces for my beloved Soul Shift retreat companions, Carrie and Amy.
But those things are true and explain why it’s so special.
A few days later, Scott came to me with the necklace in a little clear bag. He said the jewelry repairperson said it was “gold-plated” and wasn’t worth his time to fix.
I held my breath, resisting old urges to dismiss my needs by saying, ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s too much of a hassle.'
Instead, I waited… and Scott said, “I have another place I want to try tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” I said excitedly to him… and also to myself.
When you finally know you are worth the hassle, effort, and inconvenience it takes to thrive as your fully human self, that is cause for celebration.
????Jan 7, 2014
????Sept 8, 2015
????March 7, 2017
????April 28, 2020
Those dates are my book birthdays.
They are among the most important dates of my life.
I regret that I spent most of them with anger and resentment because I never told anyone how important those days were – not even myself.
But I am human… and I am learning how to love myself better… and that is helping my people love me better too.
????March 28, 2023
Soul Shift’s book birthday is coming…
And to celebrate, there just may be a gold-plated heart necklace suspended from my neck—the kind you can’t put a price on.
Friends, cultivating the Practice of Presence and True Self-Worth are the beginning chapters of SOUL SHIFT: The Weary Human’s Guide to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Path to Joy. There is only ONE DAY LEFT to pre-order the book and claim your free “Self-Compassion Starter Kit”. If you want to claim your bonus gift right now, I’ve put all the retailers in one handy place – everything from independent bookstores to large retailers to signed copies. Just click here and scroll down until you see the green box with all the retailer logos.
VIRTUAL LIVE SIGNING – Please join me on Tuesday evening, March 28, at 7pm Eastern on my Hands Free Revolution Facebook page for the book launch party! I will be joined by two of my closest friends for a fun evening of storytelling in my basement!
IN-PERSON SIGNINGS – I have in-person book signing events scheduled in Indiana (one on April 13 and one on April 15), Georgia, and Alabama for #SoulShift. Be sure to check out the schedule in the image below.
Thank you for your love and support.