Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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You See Triggered & Flawed, But Your Kids See Something Much More Important In You

I recently rediscovered the song, “In the Blood,” by John Mayer.  I’d heard it before, but … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: being human, being present, giving yourself grace, imperfection, letting go of regret, parenting teens, showing our vulnerabilities, Soul Shift online course

Ending Your Relationship with Unreasonable Expectations (P.S. Nothing Ever Felt So Good)

A friend reached out to me after a family member commented on her size and suggested she needed to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: free to breathe, new year's resolution, positive self talk, self acceptance, self-care, self-induced pressures, Soul Shift, Soul Shift online course, unrealistic standards

Skip the New Year’s Hype to Put Peace in the Picture in 2019

New Year’s Eve has never been my favorite holiday. In fact, it’s typically been a tough one for me. … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: Be in the moment, being present, inner peace, new year's resolution

Notice the Tiny Detail Capable of Blanketing Your Whole Holiday In Peace

In a recent television interview, I was given forty-five seconds to share my story.  When … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: awareness, fear, holiday family connection, hope, human connection, inner peace, Rwanda, The Rwandan Genocide

Set This Simple Limit to Expand Connection, Close Gaps, and Get Life Immediately Looking Up

 “You can say what is, or fight for itClose your mind and take a riskYou can say ‘it's mine’ … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: being present, connection, free eBook, healthy boundaries, holiday connection time, living intentionally, making memories, Screen Time, Soul Shift, Today Show appearance

Passed Through Her Hands: A Sacred Exchange with a Recycler of Hope

Within minutes of my feet touching African soil, I met Alice. She was in the welcome party of … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, courage, human connection, human needs, Overcoming fear, purpose Tagged With: African paper bead necklaces, Changemaker, overcoming hardship, sharing your story

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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The past few days have called me to get quiet and The past few days have called me to get quiet and listen to people who have lived experiences I have not lived.

One particular statement, written by @teachandtransform author & educator Liz Sohyeon Kleinrock, resonated so deeply that I immediately wrote it down:

“We need to imagine caring for one another in ways that haven’t existed in mainstream spaces before.”

My soul recognized Liz’s words as a direction sign, leading to a path on which people can direct their energy and focus, a path that would allow us to navigate this difficult and uncertain time as our fully human selves, together.

So how does such an inclusionary vision begin to take shape to become a reality? I think it begins with courage:

I wish us the courage to say something isn’t okay when it’s not.

I wish us the courage to change our minds when we have new information.

I wish us the courage to say, “I don’t know,” and listen to those who do.

I wish us the courage to consider when our action (or inaction) causes pain.

I wish us the courage to feel our own pain, even if we were taught to dismiss it.

I wish us the courage to heal and ensure our healing tools are accessible to all.

I wish us the courage to let go of the need to get everything right.

I wish us the courage to release what hinders us from seeing each other’s humanity.

I wish us the courage to allow ourselves to be human.

I wish us the courage to sit with discomfort.

I wish us the courage to not turn away from hard things.

I wish us the courage to risk losing something if it means contributing to the greater good.

I wish us the courage to choose a lane in which we can make impact.

I wish us the courage to believe this is our time, and we are equipped to care for one another in ways unimagined.

RMS

I realize putting feelings into words is difficult right now. If you are here, feel free to leave a heart. Together, there is hope.
Happy Birthday, Natalie! What a honor & joy it’s Happy Birthday, Natalie! What a honor & joy it’s been to witness 19 years of you becoming the most remarkable blend of:

Tough & fancy
Kind & assertive
Sensible & silly
Courageous & cautious
Sparkly & simple
Confident & curious 

Thank you for continually inspiring me with your off-the-charts determination, gigantic heart, and super creative ways of bringing more laughter to the world. I love you so much. 🌸🏊‍♀️🌴🌊🌻🌸🎉
Some would say You’re not on the right path. Sh Some would say
You’re not on the right path.

She’d pull you aside and say,
How do THEY know what path is best for you?

Some would say,
You don’t know what you’re talking about.

She’d pull you aside and say,
As long as you understand yourself, that’s what matters.

Some would say,
Loosen up, have more fun… take things more seriously, grow up.

She’d pull you aside and say,
Finding the right balance between work and play is your journey, not theirs.

Some would say,
That’s not how it’s done.

She’d pull you aside and say,
Show them.

Some would say,
You’re not cut out for that.

She’d pull you aside and say,
Use their doubt as fuel.

I write these words in honor of her 19th birthday today…

The girl who decided at age seven that she’d dig a garden, smack dab in the middle of our backyard
without permission
without a guide
without proper tools
with no experience whatsoever.

And when that first little green leaf appeared after weeks of that girl
tending
watering
observing
believing,

she pulled me aside, and said,
“See? I knew it would grow.”

May we all have the determination and belief of this joyful gardener today.

RMS

🌸Happy birthday to my beloved daughter, Natalie.
He’s not my father But I appreciate the way love He’s not my father
But I appreciate the way loves our children unconditionally.

He’s not my father
But I appreciate the way he installs parking targets in the garage, changes the fire alarm batteries, and sends me new songs.

He’s not my father
But I appreciate the extra mile he goes when someone needs help.

He’s not my father
But I appreciate the way he encourages me to protect my peace and say no without guilt.

He’s not my father
But I appreciate the tough conversations he has with our kids, so they are informed, aware, and prepared.

He’s not my father
But I appreciate the way he tries to stay current with teenage trends and doesn’t take it personally when his kids call him annoying.

He’s not my father
But he’s worthy of being celebrated in ways that make a person feel seen, loved, and appreciated.

In today’s case, it was strawberry pie.

“What would you like for dessert for Father’s Day?” I asked him a few days ago.

He wondered out loud if strawberry pie was easy to make. Not wanting me to go to any trouble, he suggested I just get the strawberry pie gel at the store.

Normally, I’m all about simplifying recipes, but not for this.

Today I boiled the sugar, cornstarch, and water until it turned glossy, just like Mom instructed in 1998 when I made it for my new husband, who is not so new anymore.

But he’s better… because love tends to do that to people, over time, if they’re willing to listen and learn and try and change and grow.

He’s not my father
But his love has shaped our family in the most beautiful of ways.

And that’s worthy of celebrating.
No short-cut strawberry pie today.
-RMS

🍓Shout out to all the humans who serve in fatherly ways as encouragers and guides.

🍓Shout out all the humans who made those people feel special today - even though they aren’t YOUR father. 

🍓And shout out to all those who got through this day that can be incredibly hard.

🥧Celebrating all of you tonight.
If Father’s Day is hard I’m not going to tell If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to tell you to look at the bright side,
But I will sit with you in the dark.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to tell you I understand,
But if you want to talk about it, I’ll listen and try.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to tell you to see hope that isn’t there,
But I will point out the strength you may not yet see in yourself.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to make it more complicated,
But I will reach for your hand and simply remind you to breathe.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to ask you to conform so other people feel more comfortable, 
But I will ask them to be aware of your pain.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to question you,
But I will assure you we don’t have to have answers today.

If Father’s Day is hard
I’m not going to tell you I know how it feels, 
But I will tell you that you are not alone.
And I’ll stay close, 
encouraging you to hold on,
Until we see the light of a new day.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

I remember the room I was standing in and the item of clothing I was stuffing into a bag three years ago when the words, “If Father’s Day is hard,” came to mind. I laugh/cry at the fact that 2019’s meaning of “hard” doesn’t even compare to what it means in 2022. Although these words can’t possibly reach the crux of pain this “hard day” is for someone reading this, I want to assure you that you are welcome to be fully human here. All feelings are valid. This is me beside you. This is my hand in yours.
In anticipation of Juneteenth, it’s important to In anticipation of Juneteenth, it’s important to identify ways of honoring this historic date and federal holiday in ways that: 1) support the Black community, and 2) engage us in actions that are needed all year-round to achieve freedom & justice.

@goodgoodgoodco has generously provided “23 Ways to Thoughtfully Recognize Juneteenth 2022.” Here are a few (please click the link in my bio to read the article in it’s entirety):

1. Learn the history of Juneteenth

“Juneteenth has been celebrated for hundreds of years — but many don't know the full context and history of the annual holiday. Now is the perfect time to learn.”

2. Donate to Black-led nonprofits and community organizations

“We can celebrate Juneteenth by donating to organizations that understand the needs of the Black community and use their resources to address them as best as they can.”

3. Teach your kids to save funds for regular donations

“If your kiddos have an allowance or lemonade stand, chances are, you’re hoping to teach them the value of money. Extend that conversation to include discussions of community care, mutual aid, fundraising, and wealth redistribution. These topics can feel like big or confusing ideas but encourage your children to save some of their money that they can use to support an organization or community member of their choice down the road.”

4. Don’t make it about you

“Juneteenth is not about your anti-racism journey as an ally. While we use the term ‘celebrating,’ this day holds grave historical and cultural significance that can be deeply painful for many Black community members… listen. Learn. Redistribute wealth.”

5. Do something to make a Black person’s life easier — with their consent

“Consider what you have to offer (time, money, a meal, a letter of recommendation, an hour of childcare), and use your skills to support a Black friend or community member..”

-Excerpted from “23 Ways to Thoughtfully Celebrate Juneteenth.” Link in bio.

My hand in yours, 
Rachel
Upon learning my friend was facing some scary stuf Upon learning my friend was facing some scary stuff, I knew I needed to send her sunflowers. It had to be sunflowers.

In the gift message on the delivery form, I wrote about standing beside her, our faces towards the light, for as long as it takes.

Upon receipt, she texted me a quote I’d written exactly three years ago today.

“It’s a mighty powerful thing to be stood beside when you think you’re standing alone.”

Those words were born from a situation that happened when I was teaching in Florida. The most volatile student in my class became enraged & ran out of the school, straight out into the heavy traffic, not looking back.

After several blocks, he stopped. He was heaving to catch his breath when he saw me—sweaty & red-faced. The student was shocked by my presence.

And then… I watched as his body visibly relaxed. He knew he did not need to run anymore. It’s a mighty powerful thing to be stood beside when you think you’re standing alone.

My student was gone for a while, and I kept wondering if I could’ve done more.

His speech therapist reminded me, “No one ever ran after him before, Rachel. No one. They just let him go.”

A few days after he returned to school, the boy whose file stated he was “unable to form attachments,” grasped my hand & whispered, “I love you, Ms. Stafford.”

Things changed the day he ran, and I ran after him. It was the day he found out he wasn’t alone.

My friends, life is overwhelming right now. It’s easy to believe we can’t possibly make a dent in the pain so many are feeling. But please do not underestimate the power of saying, “I AM HERE.” 🤝🌻❤️
It’s hard to write words right now. No, let me r It’s hard to write words right now. No, let me rephrase that because I got a fanny pack of notes that says otherwise…

It’s hard to publish words in the world right now. Finding the energy to craft eloquent sentences is tough, and then to know you’re gonna have to brace yourself when a reader says your writing no longer points to heart — or worse — the dreaded algorithm only lets a small portion of your community see what you’ve shared. So why bother?

Because out there is someone like me who refuses to inhale soundbites that can be caught by the scroll of frantic fingers — who still want to feel words, ideas, and insights, process them, and integrate them into their life in hopes of making it a tiny bit better. I know some of you are those people. You are my people. And that is why I wrote down these words, added some personal pictures, and crafted this invitation.

If you are here, please give me ONE word in the comment box. Make it a word for yourself today. My One word—the one I used every day for the past 365 days—is inside the post. The link is in the bio and stories. My hand in yours.

RMS
🎉RELEASE DAY!!! My latest “work of heart” 🎉RELEASE DAY!!! 

My latest “work of heart” is now available! In this soothing 8-session audio journey, I take the hand of the listener and we make small, doable steps to live from a place of authentic peace.

There is so much I want to tell you about this endeavor, but for now, I’ll share a story about the cover… 

When I became frustrated that the prospective cover designs were not capturing the essence of the journey, I turned to my sister, Stacie. Not only does she have an artistic eye but she also had a front row seat to my self-reclamation process.

Early on in my journey, Stacie often went into protective mode when I received demoralizing comments on my vulnerable writings. I remember telling her:

“There is something far worse than being called a monster by a stranger when sharing my truths. And that is this: Not revealing my truths. Ever. To anyone, not even myself.

The pain of rejecting my inherent self is far greater than any outside rejection I will ever face. Pretending to be someone I am not or betraying myself to appease others is exhausting and painful. Living authentically is invigorating and fulfilling. And no matter what someone says or thinks about me, I am now able to see it as an opinion, not my truth.”

That conversation was the start of experiencing true community with other people who were willing to step into the light of realness. Many are here, in this online space. We do not share the same backgrounds nor do we have the same wiring but the essence of this transformative journey is not in the personal details; it’s in the commonalities we all share: OUR HUMANNESS.

Can you see it in the cover?

Can you see our threads of human emotion, struggle, and growth making ripples of healing and hope that reach beyond our individual selves?

My sister helped me articulate this vision to my publisher, and I hope it looks like a loving invitation to you today.

 If you’ve been looking for a companion for your own self-reclamation journey, I got you. 🤝 Rachel

Available for purchase on @audible @soundstrue, Amazon, and your favorite retailers. Thank you for your support!💗
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Copyright © 2022 · Hands Free Mama by Blogger Boutique · Header photos by Amy Paulson