Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • Rachel
  • Books/Audio
  • Blog
  • Speaking Events
  • Video & Press
  • Best of HFM
  • Connect

When the World Feels Awful: Wisdom from the Gap Dressing Room

 “I can feel you with me in the darkness Reaching out a hand to pull me through Sadness used to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: healing, human connection, human needs, life's purpose, mental health, only love today, relationships, self-love, What I Would Have Missed

What’s Wonderful About a Phone-Conquering, Heart-Led Teen? Find Out For Yourself

I’d pretty much assumed our hand-holding days were over. She’s 15, after all. But during an … [Read more...]

Filed Under: achieving dreams, African Road, being present, human connection, human needs, intentional living, kids and phones, life's purpose, mental health, purpose, Raising Resilient Kids, relationships, Rwanda

The Push (You Didn’t Know You Needed) to Begin Your Descent & Live Unafraid

"I am scared that I won't get it right But fear won't rule my heart tonight I can change I can … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, courage, dealing with change, healing, human connection, human needs, intentional living, Overcoming fear, purpose, Rwanda, What I Would Have Missed

The Little Victories Everyone’s Racing Past Are What Will Save You from Burning Out

  “I'll be awful sometimes Weakened to my knees But I'll learn to get by On little … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, courage, human connection, human needs, I Have Today, intentional living, life's purpose, living authentically, mental health, relationships, simplicity, What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: African Road, African Road Learning Trip, Rwanda, Togetherness Cooperative

When You Find Yourself Wanting to Fall off the Face of the Earth, Start This Search and Finish Strong

 “I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth … [Read more...]

Filed Under: emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, human needs, I Have Today, intentional living, life's purpose, mental health, self-love, simplicity, Sunset Moments, volunteering

Not Made for Classrooms & Cubicles: Wanderers, the World Needs You Now

“So young to be the words of your own song I know the rage in you is strong Write a world where we … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, compassion, human connection, human needs, intentional living, life's purpose, mental health, purpose Tagged With: African Road

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 9
  • 10
  • 11
  • 12
  • 13
  • …
  • 60
  • Next Page »

A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

Keep In Touch

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Books

Live Love Now
Buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Books
Buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Books
Buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Books
Buy: Amazon | Barnes & Noble

Archives

Categories

HFM on Facebook

The Hands Free Revolution

HFM on Pinterest

HFM on Instagram

*SELF-COMPASSION BUILDS MOMENTUM* (Try it!) o I d *SELF-COMPASSION BUILDS MOMENTUM* (Try it!)

o I don’t have to know how any of this will turn out; I just have to show up.


o The way I’m talking to myself might be my biggest obstacle right now; I’ll try self-kindness as I take a small step.


o When I’m one brave step in, I will recognize my strong start.


o As I work towards my goal, I will tune into my efforts, not my inadequacy.


o I may not be in control, but peace IS in my hands.


o Despite my losses & lows, I can still pick up & still build upon.

As a special education teacher of students with severe behavioral issues for over a decade, I learned that big, sweeping changes did not spark the transformation we were seeking. Transformation came from momentum — by taking one small step after another, using self-compassion as fuel.

The 6 self-encouragements above have been written on sticky notes throughout my house the past few years. These signs help me remember to PAUSE for COMPASSION when I am overwhelmed.

An unexpected gift of posting these signs is how they’ve created awareness in my family. Being aware of things I struggle with (and how I cope), has led to invitations into my kids’ struggles as they’ve grown. Solutions are never easy, but being able to identify one small step — coupled with self-compassion — almost always offers a little hope. RMS

❓Friends, what self-compassionate phrases do you use when you are stuck or overwhelmed? We can learn so much from each other. 🤝
📍When I was sick for 17 days in July… I was 📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like to take baths and washing my hair by laying down in the tub offers instant serenity.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to wash my hair in the tub again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like apple juice. My older daughter remembered this fact from a surgery I had 7 summers ago. For a moment, old, damaging beliefs about juice being “bad” tried to interfere. But in the end, love won because juice has no moral value, and I trust my body knows what it needs.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to drink apple juice again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like shows that allow me to ‘pretend-buy’ a new house. I got REALLY invested in the show, Beachfront Bargain Hunt. I found myself tearing up during the “3 months later…” update as if it were MY family happily settled into their new home.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to watch Beachfront Bargain Hunt to enjoy pretend-picking MY dream bungalow.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like my cat’s daily schedule. Noticing I was unusually inactive, Banjo coached me on the joys of not getting dressed, “exercising” by bird watching, and napping whenever the mood struck.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to have a leisurely Cat Day again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like not feeling guilty for honoring my need for rest and quiet. While focused on healing during that time, I found something valuable within.

I am not gonna wait until I am sick to turn off the world and tend to my needs.

My friends, what do you like—REALLY like? Sometimes it takes forced rest to remember what comforts us most. But let’s not wait until our bodies give out to eat, play, hydrate, and rest as we like. We are worthy of having our needs met NOW. ❤️
You never wanted to know how to survive divorce. Y You never wanted to know how to survive divorce. You never wanted to know the depths of depression. You never wanted to know the signs of addiction.

But you do.

You never wanted to know the pain of caring for a parent who doesn’t remember you. You never wanted to be the strong one. You never wanted to know the car is a safe place to cry.

But you do.

You never wanted to know a family could break. You never wanted to know how to put the pieces back together in a new way. You never wanted to know a new normal.

But you do.

You never wanted to know claiming peace comes from cutting ties. You never wanted to know the courage it takes to change. You never wanted to know the pain of living an unauthentic life.

But you do.

And perhaps as time has passed, you’ve discovered that to deny your story hurts more than the story itself. So, you’ve chosen to own it.

The tears that surface at inopportune times are the lines of your story. And each time you own it – rather than hide it – someone else is not alone in their story. This type of connection creates real possibility, reminding us that our story is far from over.

-RMS from #OnlyLoveToday

In one month, a small group of strangers from this supportive online community will be gathering at a peaceful retreat center in Rhinebeck, NY. By the end, we won’t be strangers – to each other or to ourselves. It is through these vital connections that we’ll create a personal map of small steps to our lost joy and buried dreams. This is the power of being seen… heard… & validated. Your story matters.

🌱Click link in bio to register for this retreat on September 9-11.

🗣 Scholarships: @omegainstitute and I believe the benefits of a holistic education should be available to everyone. To bring many voices, backgrounds, identities, & life experiences to Omega, there are scholarships available. Click link in bio for info.

📸Photo taken by @amybpaulson at the @artoflivingboone, NC. If interested, Rachel will be returning on Nov. 5-7.
When I returned home from a work trip in 2017, it When I returned home from a work trip in 2017, it was obvious that my side of the bed had been slept in.

When I asked my then thirteen-year-old daughter about it, she said she was having trouble sleeping, so she crawled into my bed.

“It smelled like you, and I felt close to you there,” she explained.

Looking at my bed with her well-loved stuffed dog twisted in the sheets, gave me life-changing realization:

‘I get so focused on where I am falling short that I forget I AM HERE NOW.’

That is the moment I knew the impact of loving presence – no matter how brief or how inadequate I feel in that moment – must never be underestimated.

And now…

The child who found comfort in my bed 6 years ago will soon be sleeping far from home and bravely navigating a new life. As my daughter sets out on her path of independence, I want her to carry the healing truth she taught me:

“You are enough simply because YOU ARE HERE, showing up in this hard moment.
To show up, no matter how inadequate you feel, is what makes you enough.”

To anyone embarking on a new path, this is my hope: May the false measurements of “enoughness” never stick. May true indicators of worth grow like wings. May you fly.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

Because international shipping was costly for those who wanted the physical print of ‘Get Off the Scale’, I am thrilled to share there is now a digital download available! It comes in the original pink watercolor version and also mint version (pictured here). A beloved member of our community worked through her family-owned business to make this possible for us. Click link in bio to access the print in all 3 versions.
“I’m just making sure the turtle gets safely a “I’m just making sure the turtle gets safely across the road,” I explained to the bike rider when he shot me a look of pure annoyance.

“Too bad… because there’s a million of them,” the man growled.

It took me beat… & he probably didn’t hear me or likely didn’t care… but I responded to his snark.

“That’s right! He’s a one-in-a-million turtle!!!”

My friend Katrina says I have a secret weapon—it’s my feisty side that no one ever expects. If you hurt my people or defenseless creatures, you’re gonna see it.

It took me a couple of decades of getting stepped on to realize:

You can be kind and assertive.

You can be kind and say NO.

You can be kind and passionate about what matters to you.

Always giving in & going along are a lot like being a turtle in the road. If you stay there, exposed and unprotected, it will end badly.

Seek shade
Seek hydration
Go to the quiet
Go to and what is lush, green, and nourishing.

That’s what the one-in-a-million turtle did. Watching him find peace gave me peace. And now, I’d like to pass it on to you.

Friend, if you feel like a turtle with cars whizzing past, please hear me:

You don’t have to stay there. That paved road burning your feet isn’t it.

You, one-in-a-million human, are worthy of protection and peace.

Get feisty if you need to - you can be kind AND advocate for your precious self. 🌱RMS
I’ve been observing August. A few days in, and I’ve been observing August.

A few days in, and it’s clear to me that… 

August doesn’t wear a watch - please give him some wiggle room if late.

August isn’t much of a planner - he gave that up in 2020, so let him go with the flow.

August could use a fist bump every now and then—like, “You got this, August!”

Loud noises startle August - it’s good to tell him if you’re about to turn on the vacuum or if there might be fireworks at the ballgame.

August is a bit sluggish - assure him that his pace is just right, and we’ll get there in due time.

August is a worrier. Everything just feels like A LOT right now. Maybe it would help to hold August’s hand. Ask him if it would help.

But most of all, August just really, really wants to be good. Not like ‘The Best Month Ever’ no, just steady good - like a soft place to lay your head kind-of month.

The problem is, August doesn’t know how to BE that. (The past months haven’t been good role models for him.)

So what do you say we help him?

We can encourage August by encouraging ourselves and each other to notice

every
single
marvelously
mundane
moment
in
time.

Some might call such moments ‘boring,’ but I call them priceless treasures.

And I hope that by month’s end, August’s pockets are filled with them.

© rms 2022

What have you noticed about August, friends? Or tell us what marvelously mundane moments you’ve noticed so far this month. I welcome your clever contributions in the comments.
There’s something about the second verse in ‘S There’s something about the second verse in ‘Solar Power’ that gives me life. @lorde sings:

“Acid green, aquamarine
The girls are dancing in the sand
And I throw my cellular device in the water
Can you reach me? No, you can't.”

The first time I heard it, I could see the churning ocean and my phone going down to the bottom—and just the thought of it gave me immense relief.

I was Texted / Messaged / Emailed / Notified / Informed / Tapped Out

When I switched from classroom teaching to public writing in 2011, it became clear that the increased volume of information and communication would be one of the biggest stressors for my empathetic soul.

By summer 2013, I was certain I needed a significant online break. As a former teacher, time off in the summer was part of my fiber, so it felt right to have a quiet hiatus in July.

Since then, I’ve continued that tradition, and every single summer, there is noticeable impact. My pace slows, my creativity flows, my sleep deepens, my intuition sharpens. Being able to experience life without constant interruption allows me to process, heal, dream, and grow.

Today is July 17. Due to several professional commitments, I have not yet taken my summer online break, and I’ve noticed something interesting. The further I get into July with the valve of information wide open, the louder my body screams, ‘Enough!‘

You don’t have to be a public writer on the internet to feel the toll of information/communication overload.

Life experiences and emotions are sitting in our bodies, waiting to be processed. And when they wait too long, our body stops using subtle hints and demands we look inward with something that’ll really get our attention…

Like a breakdown.

Let’s not push ourselves to that point.

If you’ve been thinking to yourself, “Wow. I feel overloaded, like I can’t take one more thing…”

I hear you.

And that’s when I know it’s time to throw my cellular device in the water,
or at least in a drawer,
or out of sight for a while.

Time to take back some oxygen.

Time to feel the healing power of silence.

Rms

👋See you sometime in August. Please take good care of yourselves and one another. My hand in yours, RMS
Just because you haven’t found your people, Does Just because you haven’t found your people,
Doesn’t mean your ability to connect has been lost.

Just because local circles haven’t opened for you,
Doesn’t mean your ability to belong is broken.

Just because nobody around you ‘gets’ you,
Doesn’t mean you're too complex for understanding.

Just because no one in your vicinity shares your interests or passions, 
Doesn’t mean you are uninteresting, and your passions unworthy of pursuit.

Your people may not be within walking distance, but believe they exist.

Your community may not be easy to find, but believe it exists.

Rejection and isolation can take damaging tolls, even leading you to believe there is something wrong with you. But have you considered this?

Maybe it’s not you…
Maybe it’s where you’ve been planted.

Perhaps the conditions in which you are trying to flourish are what’s wrong FOR you.

Uprooting yourself from a depleting environment, even briefly, does wonders. Yes, it requires effort, courage, creativity, and patience, but you are far too valuable to remain in a box in which you can’t thrive.

Maybe it’s not you…
Maybe it’s where you’ve been planted.

Your precious self is worthy of good soil.

-RMS

📸 You know how I met the person I am hugging? I went BY MYSELF to an event hosted by my favorite author shortly after moving to a new city, and @amybpaulson was there taking photos. Once we started talking, it felt like we’d been waiting for each other our whole lives. Since that time, I have my own speaking events. Amy comes, camera in hand, to capture the beauty of human connection and be my support system.

Friends, I am bad at promoting my events, but I am good at bringing people together and creating conditions for connection. Right now, it’s looking like the numbers are going to be quite small for the retreat at @omegainstitute in NY that is just 8 weeks away. So, if you want more of an intimate retreat experience, I hope you will consider coming September 9. Click the link in my bio for all the details.
Using feedback I received from middle schoolers wh Using feedback I received from middle schoolers while conducting a simple yet powerful exercise (described in #livelovenow), I’ve discovered a list of behaviors adults can avoid to increase their chances of being invited into the sacred spaces of kids’ lives.

EASY-TO-BE-AROUND ADULTS…

• Don’t always expect conversation. They accept that quiet is needed – and even welcome or create periods of connective silence with the kids they love.

• Don’t take bad attitudes and grumpy dispositions personally. Easy-To-Be-Around Adults know fear and anxiety often present themselves as defensiveness, sarcasm, and control. When these characteristics are present, it is not a call to lash back, ignore, or lecture, but rather a call to be calm, compassionate, and curious.
 
• Don’t interrogate. Instead of peppering kids with questions, Easy-To-Be-Around Adults make themselves available and approachable. When the young people DO talk, the adult sets aside what they are doing to express genuine interest.

• Don’t judge decisions. Maybe it’s not the choice the adult would have made, but that does not mean it’s wrong or won’t result in a learning experience. Easy-To-Be-Around Adults express curiosity instead of judgment by saying something like: “I’d like to hear more about why you took that route.”

• Don’t have all the answers. It’s hard to be around someone who knows it all, especially when it comes to one’s own personal life. Throughout a teen’s path to independence, Easy-To-Be-Around-Adults serve as a trustworthy sounding board.

• Don’t expect perfection. Easy-To-Be-Around Adults communicate that mistakes are part of life. Not only do they commend kids for owning their mistakes, but they also share their own, becoming a safe person to turn to when things go wrong.

• Don’t comment on appearance. Easy-To-Be-Around Adults trust that their kids are showing up in whatever way they feel most comfortable. They accept young people “as is,” knowing that even the most well-intentioned “suggestions” regarding appearance feel like rejections of who they are.

By Rachel Macy Stafford, from the book #LiveLoveNow
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2022 · Hands Free Mama by Blogger Boutique · Header photos by Amy Paulson