Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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Strengthening Our Kids from the Passenger Seat by Driving Two Key Words Home

“We are not good at anything when we first start,” Scott said at the dinner table in response to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, conscious parenting, courage, dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, human connection, human needs, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, mental health, Overcoming fear, Raising Resilient Kids, teen wellness

This May Cause Applause & Tell You of Your Gift

When I was pregnant with my daughter Natalie, I shifted from a long-time role in special education … [Read more...]

Filed Under: finding joy, intentional living, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, new year hopes, new year resolutions, purpose, self-acceptance, What I Would Have Missed

The Lies We Tell Ourselves Keep Us from Residing in a Life We Love (Blue Shutters Optional)

“To dare is to lose one’s footing; To not dare is to lose one’s self.”Soren Kierkegaard I’ve … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, being present, courage, dealing with change, human connection, intentional living, kids and phones, life's purpose, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, new year hopes, new year resolutions, self-love, traveling, volunteering, What I Would Have Missed

When You’re Far from Festive and Joy Shows Up in Your Two-Mile Radius

I noticed it immediately. Exactly four weeks ago, three massive letters appeared next to the road … [Read more...]

Filed Under: dealing with change, finding joy, healing, human connection, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, Memory Bank, Overcoming fear, What I Would Have Missed

I Was the Hard-To-Be-Around Adult Until I Knew Better

"Because everyone that I know,Every place that I go,Every story that I'm told,It's loveIt's loveIt's … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, compassion, conscious parenting, emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, Live Love Now, mental health, new year hopes, relationships, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-love

Only Love & Togetherness: A Learning Trip Invitation to Rwanda

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” ― mary anne … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, being present, human connection, human needs, purpose, relationships, Rwanda, What I Would Have Missed

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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I was recently talking to my friend Diane about an I was recently talking to my friend Diane about an SAT prep course she teaches on Saturdays.
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“Your work has informed my approach,” Diane explained. “I begin every session reminding them that their scores don’t define them, nor do these numbers determine their worth or how successful they’ll be in life.”
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Diane, who is not much older than the kids, then vulnerably shares her own story, offering hope to those who are weighed down by the belief that they need a certain score to be someone.
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“I wish you could see their faces,” Diane said excitedly. “It’s like the angst is lifted… they are then better able to focus, learn, and try their best.”
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Diane knows I am familiar with that look – I saw it on my own daughter’s face a couple years ago when she was at risk of not passing a core class due to a poor test score.

The pain I saw in my child indicated her mind was going far ahead of that single moment in time, causing her to doubt her capabilities in all areas of her life and in her future success.

Although I have it in me to be overly concerned with academics and achievements, I chose to focus on the emotional wellbeing of my child and offer her the Big Picture. I said:
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“Average grades do not mean you are an average person.

Below-average performance does not mean you will have a below-average life.

 You are more than the scores you receive.

 You are more than what you achieved today.

There is more than one path to success and prosperity.”
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This girl, who is not much of a hugger, embraced me long enough that I felt her breathing return to normal.

I realized then that I needed to do more of this—offer my kids a different message than the than one society pushes at them.

Because the truth is, there is a great, big world beyond their academic life – a place where skills like connecting, managing, and creating are needed … where attributes like compassion, initiative, integrity, and determination are vital. It’s our kids who are going to be these changemakers, so let’s be sure we make it known that there IS a place for them in this world. No test score can measure their glorious potential.

from Rachel’s book #LiveLoveNow
Some nights, I walk my cat on a leash. Each time Some nights, I walk my cat on a leash.

Each time we go, cars pass slowly, looking at the odd sight. Sometimes my cat wants to go investigate my neighbor’s yards. I proceed unafraid, and I know this is a privilege. I have an explanation prepared if anyone flips on a light and asks what I am doing. I will be believed, and they will laugh at the silliness of a cat on a leash and wish me good night.

I know this because there is a protective bubble around me; the color of my skin protects me. I am not seen as a threat because I am white. I can walk my pet at night on property that doesn’t belong to me safely and freely.

Not everyone can do this.

I know this because Black friends, educators, and brave sharers of their lived experience explain this in every possible way, shape, and form. So many stories of pain, fear, and injustice have gone unheard. It pains me that I did not listen and understand sooner, but it is not too late to listen and understand now.

As human beings, we tend to be skeptical of experiences we have not lived nor impact us personally. Until I really started listening, I did not know the lengths my Black friends go to before entering a store, visiting a church, choosing a school for their children, letting their son take the family car, among countless other everyday tasks where they must take precautionary measures because their mere existence is seen as a threat.

I am quite sure this is the point in the post where some will head to the comment section or message me privately to express their disappointment, anger, and hard stance. But I hope instead, they will read one more sentence…

Is a world where human beings, no matter their skin color, can
Walk safely
Drive safely
Jog safely
Pray safely
Shop safely
Work safely
Arrive home safely
too much to ask?

Now here is where some will insert “reasons” why tragedy ensues, and human beings don’t make it home safely.

The more I listen to people living in fear of dying as they simply go about their lives, the less I am interested in hearing those justifications. I am far more concerned with trying to understand what that must feel like and what I can do to change it. (continued 👇)
After months of quiet, I received 3 requests to wr After months of quiet, I received 3 requests to write letters of recommendation. Three women I know were all taking brave steps to assume a new role in their field of expertise.

Although I am working on setting healthy boundaries around my time & energy, my heart indicated I needed to say yes. Each person desired a position that suited her perfectly—and I had the words to articulate these facts.

A few days after the letters had been delivered, I found myself thinking about them. I found it curious that 3 individuals in different parts of the country were taking big risks to share their gifts.

After the year we’ve been through, is that what we’re doing now?

Are we taking hard looks at where we are and deciding we aren’t going to settle?

Has life’s fragility inspired us to honor our inherent gifts in ways we haven’t before?

Has being stuck for too long motivated us to stop playing small and show up in all our glory?

If that is the case, let’s recommend each other, shall we?

Recommending someone means, “I’ve seen you in action; I’ve witnessed your gifts. You are an asset, and I vouch for you.”
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And we don’t have to have a formal request or an official letterhead to recommend someone. It might sound like this:

-I’d love to partner with you.

-I’ll introduce you to my colleague.

-The heroine of this amazing book reminds of you.

-I’d like to invest in what you’re doing.

Maybe it’s even waiting in the longest line at the store just so you can see a particular cashier.
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“If I see you here, I go to your line,” I tell the cashier who checks out groceries so quickly it’s like he’s playing to win on the Price is Right.
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“You are amazing,” I tell the towering young man who always looks  unsure if he belongs there.

He always laughs this big, hearty laugh and tells me to have a blessed day.
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“See you next time,” I call out loud enough to recommend him, to validate him, to stand beside him.

Take a look around, friends. I think you’ll see a lot of people taking brave steps right now. Whatever it is they’re showing up for, recommend them.

The world needs more of this good stuff.❤️ RMS
One of the first discoveries our family made upon One of the first discoveries our family made upon moving to a new state years ago was that the grocery store was within biking distance of our house. My husband and my then eight-year-old daughter made it a Saturday morning ritual to bike there and get a few items.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the day they invited me along. Although we rode safely on the sidewalk, I was quite intimidated by the steady stream of cars whizzing past.

Each time the sidewalk ended, my daughter rode down the curb and weaved out into the road just a bit. This tendency startled me, but I knew if I yelled out, screamed, or even gasped, I might cause her to lose her balance.

So instead, I held my breath and said a little prayer.

Each time Avery got back safely on the sidewalk, she’d look back and smile as if to say, “I got this.”
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Although I was shaking inside, I’d smile back -- my most confident smile—as if to say, “Yep. You got this.”
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I find myself thinking a lot about that experience as my daughter now navigates adolescence. This is only the beginning  of new territories through which my daughter will weave & teeter. When she does, I know not to overreact, gasp, scream, rescue or hover. Instead, I prayerfully hold my breath and let her know I believe in her.

As my teen encounters bumps in the road, I’ve noticed that her path to independence is also being forged.

She does not always consult with me, desire my approval, or listen to my guidance. But she never fails to seek my eyes when she’s going through something hard. And although I am shaking inside, I give her my best look of assurance.

That look, from my heart to hers, steadies her.

I see it in the way her chest exhales.
I see it in the way she re-focuses.
I see it in the way she doesn’t give up.
I see it in the way she dusts herself off.

Sparing my child from life’s greatest struggles is tempting—but the characteristics I most want her to develop are often born from adversity. I want her to believe she is capable, so when the path gets bumpy, she will not be stuck in fear or give up. Instead, she’ll say, “I’ve been on a difficult path before. I’ll keep pedaling, my face towards the sun. I got this.”
This week I had the pleasure of reading a beautifu This week I had the pleasure of reading a beautiful new book called, “1000+ Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships” by Marc & Angel Chernoff.

In the Friendship & Everyday Relationship section, I came across a profound list of affirmations. This morning, I was inspired to write a short note to different individuals in my life who demonstrate these acts of love. 

This practice will mean a lot to the recipient, but it also created a shift in me that I know will positively impact the rest of this day. That is the power of making relational investments - their impact creates a ripple that touches every aspect of our lives.

The world we live in does not provide the time, space, and conditions for making relational investments. Therefore, we must CHOOSE to make time for words and actions that bind us together, carry us through, and brighten our days.

We can get started today with this powerful list of affirmations from the book “1000+ Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships.” 

• Thank you for meeting me halfway.

• Thank you for telling me the truth.

• Thank you for making time for me.

• Thank you for your full presence.

• Thank you for knowing when something is wrong with me.

• Thank you for making the extra effort to understand me.

• Thank you for not acting, judging, or treating me like you know me better than myself.

• Thank you for being willing to be wrong.

• Thank you for supporting my decisions.

• Thank you for knowing I can’t always be strong.

• Thank you for facing problems with me.

• Thank you for going out of your way for me, even when it’s not convenient.

• Thank you for accepting me the way I am.

• Thank you for not holding my unchangeable past against me.

• Thank you for making me feel comfortable.

• Thank you for valuing my time.

• Thank you for supporting me in making myself a priority.

• Thank you for sincerely loving me.

• Thank you for helping me love myself more too.

• Thank you for not expecting our relationship to be easy.

• Thank you for giving me the solitude and space I need.

• Thank you for being you.
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📘Buy the book! “1000+ Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships” by @marcandangel ❤️
About midway through my daughter’s recent tennis About midway through my daughter’s recent tennis match, I broke basic tennis etiquette and asked if she was ok. She grimaced, nodded, and kept playing.
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After three more points, she looked up at me.
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“You don’t have to keep playing if you’re not ok,” I said, surprising my ultra-competitive self who was known to finish college matches limping and bleeding.
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“I’m so sorry,” I heard my daughter say to her opponent. “My stomach and back are hurting so badly that I need to stop.”
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About fifteen minutes into the drive, a weak voice piped up from the backseat.
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“Mom… how did you know I wasn’t ok?” my daughter asked.

I thought about it for a minute. I really didn’t how I knew; I just knew.
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“I was really trying to push through, but the pain just kept getting worse. I was really relieved when you said something,” she admitted. “Thanks, Mom.”
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I’d just texted the team manager to let her know what happened, questioning if I should have just pressured Avery to finish the match and not let down her team. But in my daughter’s question, there was validation—the kind that is hard to come by most days.

I don’t think we, as human beings, fully realize how many barely noticeable signs of pain and uncertainty we detect in the people we love each day.

I don’t know if we fully realize how often we make a decision to choose compassion when we could choose another alternative.

All day long, we must discern when to stand firm and when to be flexible… when to be direct and when to ask for input… when to speak up and when to listen… when to be supportive and when to step back. Whenever we make the wrong choice, we guilt ourselves. But what about when we make the right choices? The choices that require us to go with our gut… the choices that require courage, trust, and patience?

We make those choices too—and when we do, we hold our breath, not knowing how it’s all going to turn out.

If this message finds you in the wait of uncertainty, may you hear a voice of assurance asking, “How did you know?”
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And when you don’t have an answer—just a feeling—may that bring you peace.❤️
For the first time in a year and three months, I w For the first time in a year and three months, I went on a short trip. 
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Home for less than an hour, and someone is sending me a clear message: This behavior is not acceptable.
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#youdidnotcheckwithmefirst #howdareyou #nexttimeIgotoo #thelookofdisappointment #banjothecat
If you are hugging today… Hug for the sleepless If you are hugging today…
Hug for the sleepless nights when you ached to be held.
Hug for the isolated days that caused pain that still persists.

If you are hugging today…
Hug for those who can’t yet safely embrace.
Hug for those who never got the chance.

If you are hugging today…
Hug with your eyes closed; seal the comfort into your memory bank.
Hug with every fiber; feel the relief deep in your bones.

If you are hugging today…
Hug for those who made it possible.
Hug for those who sacrificed more than we’ll ever know.
Hug for those who still stand on the front lines.

If you are hugging today…
Hug for the ones who stayed strong.
Hug for the ones who sought support.
Hug for those can’t yet voice their struggle.

If you are hugging today, this miraculous Easter weekend of 2021,
Savor
Weep
Rejoice
Remember
Mourn
Hope

Hope

Hope

Then please tell us about the miracle 
Of being held in familiar arms
After an agonizingly long year apart.
-RMS
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🌷This Easter weekend marks the first time some families will be in the physical presence of their loved ones since last spring. This may not be the case for you or for me but knowing this is happening brings me joy and hope for the future. If you are hugging this weekend and want to share your excitement and joy, the comment section is open to you. If you are missing someone this weekend, the comment section is also open to you. All feelings accepted and honored here.
Relationship Repair Tip: If tensions have been hi Relationship Repair Tip:

If tensions have been high … if cross words have been spoken … if your loved one has been distant, smiling when he or she walks into the room is probably the last thing you feel like doing, but do it anyway. Let that hurting human being know you haven’t rejected him or her.

I’ll never forget hearing from a woman who said she and her teenage son had drifted apart. She decided to follow a piece of guidance from one of my books—which was to make a conscious effort to look up and smile EVERY SINGLE time her son came into the room, returned home, or crossed paths with her in the house. She said no matter what she was in the middle of, she consistently greeted him in a way that let him know he mattered.
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“Three days,” she wrote. “Three days of me consistently greeting him with love when he walked in the room, and I got an ‘I love you, Mom,’ when he left for school today. I wasn’t sure if I would hear that again.”
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Oftentimes, expressing joy at the mere sight of another human being – consistently and repeatedly – can offer more healing than any words we could ever say.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

May this beautiful story remind us of the power of being seen. We have so much that keeps us from truly seeing each other these days… but we have the power to remove the barriers between us. Looking up is one way. We can do that. My hand in yours.❤️
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