Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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The Worthiness Piece You Might Not Know is Missing

After going years without making this pie, I’ve made it twice in a month’s time. It’s truly the … [Read more...]

Filed Under: emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, human needs, life's purpose, living authentically, mental health, self-acceptance, self-love

The Complete Way to Unload Your Pain and Expand Healing

"Because it feels like we've been here foreverDon't know how much farther or where we're going toBut … [Read more...]

Filed Under: courage, elderly, healing, human connection, human needs, living authentically, mental health, overcoming adversity, pandemic struggles, racism, self-love, teen wellness

How to Stabilize Your Fractured Soul in an Unsettling World

On one of my recent social media posts, a commenter said she’d like to start taking a quiet moment … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, emotional wellbeing, human connection, human needs, intentional living, living authentically, mental health, pandemic struggles, relationships, self-acceptance, self-love, virtual learning

This Uncomfortable Advice Is Helping My Child Manage a Hard Time in Life

"You're not scared when I'm not okayYou're holding the spacesYou're showing me what grace isThat I'm … [Read more...]

Filed Under: conscious parenting, emotional wellbeing, human connection, life's purpose, mental health, overcoming adversity, pandemic struggles, teen wellness, virtual learning

The Most Toxic Role and How to Release It Now

“It's everything I am and what I'm notAnd all I'm trying to be.”-Sara Bareilles, Little Voice I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, human needs, I am enough, intentional living, living authentically, mental health, new year hopes, purpose, self-acceptance, self-love

Don’t Skip the Most Important Exercise of 2020

“And at the end of all thisyou can’t just cave in and quitcause you’re a survivor see how … [Read more...]

Filed Under: courage, emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, human needs, isolation, mental health, Pandemic holiday

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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When I am scared and anxious, I get controlling an When I am scared and anxious, I get controlling and mean.

Yes, that is hardly the kind of thing a person wants to admit—but that truth has helped connect and heal my family like no other discovery I’ve ever made.

Recently, I had the honor of sharing a bit about this discovery on a fabulous podcast that invites the guest to give 3 takeaways in 30 minutes.

Here is an excerpt from my second takeaway: Fear wears disguises:

“All of a sudden, I could look back on some of my most shameful parenting incidents and see them in a whole new light.

I’d always wondered how I could be so mean and controlling to the people I love. To realize it was fear and anxiety surfacing in those moments was life changing. ‘When I get controlling and mean, I’m anxious about something.’ I’d never put that together before. Not only did that spark greater self-compassion, but it also helped my family know how to best support me (and eventually themselves) in challenging moments.

When they saw me engage in harsh, micromanaging-type behaviors, that was their cue. Gently and kindly (because otherwise I wouldn’t have heard him), they’d say, “I can see you’re feeling anxious about something”—and then came the magic words: “How can I help?”

Our family has learned to rely on that phrase, and it’s been so helpful as my daughter prepares to go to college for the first time. When she gets agitated over something that seems trivial, I think: “This isn’t really about the water bottle she can’t find; this is about fear of the unknown.”

Recognizing that ‘fear wears disguises’ evokes a compassionate response – & what a game-changer it’s been in my family.” -Rms

👂Friends, I’d love it if you’d take a listen to the 3 takeaways I recently shared on the @3in30podcast.

This episode is called “3 Small Shifts that Lead to Soul Shifts,” and I believe there is something here for everyone.

🎧Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Link in bio.
Helping organize my daughter’s dorm supplies yes Helping organize my daughter’s dorm supplies yesterday was fun… until I remembered WHO I was packing for.

Luckily the process took a couple hours because in that time, I remembered some things, & I worked through some things…

#1. As I packed, I got messages from friends who were dropping off their own college freshmen. Some kids were excited; some melted down; some sobbed. As for the parents, there was a wide range of emotions too.

I don’t know how it’s gonna be for me and my child, but I do know this: ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID. There are no “wrong” or “right” ways to be human in difficult situations we’ve never experienced before.

#2. My daughters were age 8 and 11 the last time we moved. I can still see them sitting on the sofa of our old house, tears falling.

“Every time we go to a new place, we take people with us – their words, their laughter, their teachings – like precious stones,” I explained.

I then asked them to close their eyes and imagine putting the gems in their pocket.

“These stones can never be lost,” Avery said, patting the imaginary stones in her pocket.

#3. When my friend, @kaitlincurtice moved away, she taught me a beautiful phrase.

“In Potawatomi, ‘bama pi’ is used for a ‘see you later’ kind of departure—because I know our friendship will last, no matter where we live or what we are doing.”

#4. A few months after 11 yr old Natalie moved away, I learned her best friend came for one last goodbye. As she rounded the corner, our car was pulling away. When she wouldn’t catch us, she fell to her knees and wept in the street.

That little girl is grown up now, and she too, is packing boxes this week.

I wonder if she’s thinking about that moment too. I hope she remembers how she got up, dusted herself off, and went on to do great things without her best friend by her side. She didn’t need Natalie physical presence because everything they’d experienced together was in her “pocket.”

Tonight I feel our TOGETHER time dwindling. But, I pat my own pocket and smile – I’d know my daughter’s sparkly gemstone anywhere. And I’ll carry it with me forever. This is not goodbye; it’s bama pi.
12 Tiny RELIEFS for Anyone Adjusting to CHANGE 1. 12 Tiny RELIEFS for Anyone Adjusting to CHANGE

1. A little extra time

2. A little more emphasis on TRYING (instead of KNOWING)

3. A little night-light in a dark hallway

4. A little piece of familiarity – like a picture, a blanket, or a book

5. A little follow-up when everyone else moves on

6. A little more stretch in the pants

7. A little belief that may sound like, “I know you can handle this.”

8. A little more freedom to choose

9.  A little more permission to fail

10. A little more trust all will be well

11. A little routine to count on each day

12. A little celebration one week in to say, “Look how far you’ve come.”

I know a lot of us are going through adjustment periods right now. I could see the impact when I looked in the mirror this morning. But I decided I wasn’t gonna let my outsides fool me into thinking I’m not doing a fine job handling this time of major change.

My friends, just because you look weary on the outside doesn’t mean something beautiful isn’t blooming within. Stretching beyond your comfort zone means new experiences and discoveries that shape and strengthen you.

If the adjustment period involves someone you love, it’s important to remember the process of BECOMING often looks UNBECOMING from the outside for them too. The impatience, the bickering, and the sarcasm make us want to turn away… but that is when we most need to turn toward with a little extra patience and love.

Which tiny relief from the list sticks out to you? Would you be willing to try it? Watch how compassion feeds the growth process happening in this challenging moment in time. 🤝❤️ rms
Every now and then, I experience forceful reminder Every now and then, I experience forceful reminders – moments when my child suddenly looks grown up or says something profound... moments when time slaps me in the face and says, ‘Pay attention. This won’t last forever.’

Every now and then, I need to be reminded that having to sweep up the crumbs beneath her chair is not really a problem.

I need to be reminded that the moments she grasps my hand as we cross the street or says, ‘C’mere and see this ladybug,’ are ones to stop and savor.

I need to be reminded that although sunsets and goodbyes happen every day, each one should be treated as if it’s the last.

I need to be reminded that real living happens when distraction’s heavy layer is peeled away, leaving me holding my perfectly imperfect life with both hands.

Because that day will come sooner than I think, when I stand inside her bedroom closet, and I’ll be able to see the floor.

There will be no brightly colored clothes haphazardly hung from hangers along the narrow walls, no dirty clothes that missed the mark of the hamper.

And I will place my hand on all that is left. And when I do, I will be so grateful that I laughed, rather than scolded, when I saw her name scribbled on the closet wall.

Because in the end, a moment of exasperation will be as much of a gift as a moment of joy, only without the pretty packaging.

-RMS from the book ‘Hands Free Mama’

🚙When I included this reflection in my first book in 2014, this anticipated moment felt so far away. 

The leaving time. 

It’s here now. I wouldn’t believe it if the floor of my garage wasn’t stacked with dorm room supplies. My feelings are all over the board. But mostly, I’m grateful – grateful I had the honor of accompanying my child to this juncture - that place where she sets off on her path without me. In a few days, she’ll wave goodbye, and I’ll watch ‘til she grows small in the distance. 

There are just some moments you don’t want to miss - especially the ones that don’t come in pretty packaging.📦
One especially tough school year, I placed an anon One especially tough school year, I placed an anonymous WORRY JAR at the back of the room. 

I told my students that writing down our worries and sharing them with someone we trust can help us feel better.

If students used yellow slips, the worry was for me to read silently. If the slip was blue, it could be read out loud. Each day after lunch, I’d take a few minutes to read a few of the worries, which, over time, were only written on blue paper.

“Oh, friend…,” I’d say, knowing the author was sitting there somewhere. “We hold that worry with you today. You are not alone.”

That school year was miraculous. The teachers of special classes and cafeteria workers would often stop us in the hall to say, “This is the most loving class! What’s the secret?”

The secret was that there were no secrets.

Being able to show up as their fully human selves – scars, insecurities, worries and all – created an environment ripe for learning, loving, and overcoming.

Although the children’s worries were specific, they all translated to, “Something is making it hard for me to thrive right now. Please be patient and kind I work through this.”

As many families face major transitions in the week ahead, let’s keep this thought in mind:

‘They carry burdens I cannot see.
I will be patient.
I will be curious.
I will be kind.
Blue slips
Yellow slips
Worries come in every hue.
No one should hold them alone.’

-RMS

📝 Although I no longer teach in a traditional classroom, I am still committed to building community through the work I do. Based on the feedback from past participants, my #SoulShift online course offers a safe place during these difficult times for people to find solace and meaning for themselves, and learn to facilitate peace, connection, and healing for those around them. A new session begins soon. To be notified when registration opens in 2 weeks, click link in bio.
Immediately after taking this picture of my child Immediately after taking this picture of my child & a kitten we fostered in 2017, I knew I’d tell this story someday.

Today, August 12, the girl in the photo turns 16. And today is that day.

This kitten didn’t arrive at our house when her siblings did. Lacie contracted a tick-transmitted disease and wasn’t expected to live. About two weeks into our fostering duties, Lacie miraculously recovered and was able to join her siblings.

Avery spent endless hours holding this scared, tiny kitten in her lap. Oddly enough, the kitten would look directly into Avery’s eyes during these cuddle sessions.

When a prospective adopter came to select one of the six kittens, Lacie curled up in the woman’s lap and looked into her eyes. That connection sealed the deal. Once she was big enough, Lacie would go home with this woman.

Avery continued to love this kitten for four weeks knowing she’d have to give her away. This photo was taken right before that moment. In it, I see gratitude and peace. Avery knew the love she provided made something really, really special happen—even though it was not hers to keep.

And that’s what I needed to tell you today. I suspect there’s a good chance you’re pouring into someone or something despite knowing you’ll have to part with it someday.

Investing time and love into another being is not easy—but let us not forget why we do it:

Because love makes good things possible. 

When you invest in what matters most, 
it pays off in the deepest chambers of a grateful heart. Rms

🎉Happy 16th birthday, Avery. What I have learned about love, I have learned from you.❤️
*SELF-COMPASSION BUILDS MOMENTUM* (Try it!) o I d *SELF-COMPASSION BUILDS MOMENTUM* (Try it!)

o I don’t have to know how any of this will turn out; I just have to show up.


o The way I’m talking to myself might be my biggest obstacle right now; I’ll try self-kindness as I take a small step.


o When I’m one brave step in, I will recognize my strong start.


o As I work towards my goal, I will tune into my efforts, not my inadequacy.


o I may not be in control, but peace IS in my hands.


o Despite my losses & lows, I can still pick up & still build upon.

As a special education teacher of students with severe behavioral issues for over a decade, I learned that big, sweeping changes did not spark the transformation we were seeking. Transformation came from momentum — by taking one small step after another, using self-compassion as fuel.

The 6 self-encouragements above have been written on sticky notes throughout my house the past few years. These signs help me remember to PAUSE for COMPASSION when I am overwhelmed.

An unexpected gift of posting these signs is how they’ve created awareness in my family. Being aware of things I struggle with (and how I cope), has led to invitations into my kids’ struggles as they’ve grown. Solutions are never easy, but being able to identify one small step — coupled with self-compassion — almost always offers a little hope. RMS

❓Friends, what self-compassionate phrases do you use when you are stuck or overwhelmed? We can learn so much from each other. 🤝
📍When I was sick for 17 days in July… I was 📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like to take baths and washing my hair by laying down in the tub offers instant serenity.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to wash my hair in the tub again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like apple juice. My older daughter remembered this fact from a surgery I had 7 summers ago. For a moment, old, damaging beliefs about juice being “bad” tried to interfere. But in the end, love won because juice has no moral value, and I trust my body knows what it needs.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to drink apple juice again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like shows that allow me to ‘pretend-buy’ a new house. I got REALLY invested in the show, Beachfront Bargain Hunt. I found myself tearing up during the “3 months later…” update as if it were MY family happily settled into their new home.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to watch Beachfront Bargain Hunt to enjoy pretend-picking MY dream bungalow.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like my cat’s daily schedule. Noticing I was unusually inactive, Banjo coached me on the joys of not getting dressed, “exercising” by bird watching, and napping whenever the mood struck.

I’m not gonna wait ‘til I am sick to have a leisurely Cat Day again.

📍When I was sick for 17 days in July…

I was reminded that I like not feeling guilty for honoring my need for rest and quiet. While focused on healing during that time, I found something valuable within.

I am not gonna wait until I am sick to turn off the world and tend to my needs.

My friends, what do you like—REALLY like? Sometimes it takes forced rest to remember what comforts us most. But let’s not wait until our bodies give out to eat, play, hydrate, and rest as we like. We are worthy of having our needs met NOW. ❤️
You never wanted to know how to survive divorce. Y You never wanted to know how to survive divorce. You never wanted to know the depths of depression. You never wanted to know the signs of addiction.

But you do.

You never wanted to know the pain of caring for a parent who doesn’t remember you. You never wanted to be the strong one. You never wanted to know the car is a safe place to cry.

But you do.

You never wanted to know a family could break. You never wanted to know how to put the pieces back together in a new way. You never wanted to know a new normal.

But you do.

You never wanted to know claiming peace comes from cutting ties. You never wanted to know the courage it takes to change. You never wanted to know the pain of living an unauthentic life.

But you do.

And perhaps as time has passed, you’ve discovered that to deny your story hurts more than the story itself. So, you’ve chosen to own it.

The tears that surface at inopportune times are the lines of your story. And each time you own it – rather than hide it – someone else is not alone in their story. This type of connection creates real possibility, reminding us that our story is far from over.

-RMS from #OnlyLoveToday

In one month, a small group of strangers from this supportive online community will be gathering at a peaceful retreat center in Rhinebeck, NY. By the end, we won’t be strangers – to each other or to ourselves. It is through these vital connections that we’ll create a personal map of small steps to our lost joy and buried dreams. This is the power of being seen… heard… & validated. Your story matters.

🌱Click link in bio to register for this retreat on September 9-11.

🗣 Scholarships: @omegainstitute and I believe the benefits of a holistic education should be available to everyone. To bring many voices, backgrounds, identities, & life experiences to Omega, there are scholarships available. Click link in bio for info.

📸Photo taken by @amybpaulson at the @artoflivingboone, NC. If interested, Rachel will be returning on Nov. 5-7.
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