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Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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Write Your ‘Need’ Note. You Are Worthy

For most of my life, I’ve struggled to ask for what I need. Actually, I didn’t even know what I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: Book signings, compassion, hope, living intentionally, presence, self-care, Soul Shift, worthiness

Watch What Happens When You Ask a Weary Human This One Question

I’ve been chosen as a confidant to two friends on opposite sides of the country, both going through … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: acts of kindness, compassion, hope, living intentionally, mental health, self-care, Soul Shift

When Dreams Die: One Adjustment You Can Make to Nurture New Life

I am a music lover.  One of my favorite things to do is introduce people to my favorite (and … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: conscious parenting, grief, healing, hope, loss, music, Noah Kahan, parenting, raising teens, Soul Shift, surrendering control

The Perks of a Well-Placed Period You Need in Your Life Right Now

I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did. I was devastated to learn the period – the … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed

Make a ‘Nurtured Shadow’ Part of Your Family Immediately

The red hat I wore during my last retreat of 2022 got a lot of compliments. People noted how the … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: compassion, conscious parenting, healing, parenting, parenting teens, self-care, self-love, teaching compassion, wholeness

Family Crisis, Burned Out Bulbs, and Healing Comes in Flickers

“I don’t remember last Thanksgiving. Where did we go? What did we do?” Those were the words of my … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: family crisis, healing, living intentionally, practicing presence, self-care, self-care during the holidays, Soul Shift, stressors

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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For most of my life, I viewed mistakes as “bad,” which caused me to berate myself when I made them.

When I noticed how this damaging belief and behavior was negatively impacting my kids, I was motivated to begin the Practice of Being Kind to Myself and the Practice of Self-Forgiveness.

From there, I learned these 3 MISTAKE MANTRAS and try to keep them in the forefront of my mind:

🩶 How I collect myself and move forward in courage and love after a misstep shows my kids how to move forward in courage and love when they make a misstep.

🩶 You are not the sum of your mistakes; you are not a collection of your failings; you are human… and sometimes you just need a moment… and every moment is a chance to start anew.

🩶 Mistakes mean you are learning, growing, taking risks, and showing up. The day you stop making mistakes is the day you stop living. You have permission to live bravely, boldly, flawed, and full of hope. 

My hand in yours,

Rachel

At 12pm Central today, I will be doing a short teaching on the practice of self-compassion & forgiveness when raising teens - my interview is part of extraordinary “Everything Parenting Tweens and Teens Summit”. 

Click link in bio or stories to get your free ticket.

A recording of my presentation will be available for 24 hours afterwards for those who can't attend live. 📸Author photo by @amybpaulson
When a depressed person gives you a handmade brace When a depressed person gives you a handmade bracelet, you wear it

Even if the string is too long
the yarn is frayed
or the colors clash.
Because the effort it took to make it 
Is among the strongest in the world.

And each time you look down at your wrist, you are reminded
Hope is not shiny.
It’s not glamorous,
Obvious, or immense.
Hope is, more often than not, just hanging by thread.

And if you happen to be lucky enough to place it against your skin, feel it.
And remind others what it feels like, 
In case they have forgotten.

That’s what I did with the yarn bracelet given to me in the depths of 2021.

I really wish I had one to offer you today.

I see you, carrying your heavy burdens on a journey you never wanted to take.

You’re probably keeping those burdens to yourself,
thinking the pain-saturated atmosphere couldn’t possibly handle one more plea.

Will my ask be one too many, causing it all to collapse? You wonder.

I look down at the bracelet on my wrist,
Given to me in the middle of a downpour,
A tsunami of grief and hopelessness.

“Here, Mom… I made this for you,” the bracelet maker said.

I look down at the bracelet, and I remember how strong we are,
how great our capacity is for healing,
And how our burdens are lessened when we weave our threads together, no matter how frayed.

-Rachel Macy Stafford #soulshift

❤️ I welcome you to share your pleas, sighs, hopes and heartaches. And if you’d rather leave them unspoken, just drop a heart in the comments so your pain is witnessed. Life is not meant to be navigated alone. My hand in yours.
Today a member of our online community asked if Th Today a member of our online community asked if The Everything Parenting Tween & Teen Summit would have anything specific for special needs parenting.

I knew Dr. Norrine Russell is presenting right after me tomorrow on the topic of “Raising Atypical Teens”, but I hesitated to recommend the presentation without first familiarizing myself with her work.

Let me just say, I was not prepared to become emotional when reading the wisdom spoken by Dr. Russell. For me, it was this:

“ ...nothing else really looks lazy except ADHD, except it's not lazy at all. It's a difference in how the neurology is wired.
It's a difference in how the different parts of the brain communicate between the motivation center and the frontal lobe.
It's a difference in being able to put into practice what you know, and that piece of what you've just said is - people with ADHD, they know what to do. They can't quite pull the pieces together sometimes to do what they know."

I immediately thought back to my child’s 4th grade teacher who noticed my child was struggling with organization.

Mrs. Reynolds discreetly said to my daughter: “When I was young, I was just like you. I had so many neat things going on in my brain that it was hard to keep up with the papers.”

As a team, my daughter and her beloved teacher created a color-coded binder system to help my daughter stay organized. This experience (both the belief and the tool were life changing), and 
I couldn’t agree more with Dr. Russell’s statement: 

“People with ADHD are NOT lazy. The more we make an effort to understand the intricacies, the more support we can provide.”

Dr. Russell’s presentation in the Everything Parenting Tweens & Teens Summit is right after mine tomorrow at 12pm and 1pm Central, but if you can't watch live, you can access our presentations anytime after that for 24 hours. Get your free ticket at link in my bio or stories. @russellcoachingllc
If there’s an ocean, I’ll get in and get my ha If there’s an ocean, I’ll get in and get my hair wet.

(it hasn’t always been that way)

If a piece of cake is offered, I’ll happily accept and savor every bite.

(denial used to be my middle name)

If something cracks me up, I’ll laugh loudly.

If something moves me to tears, I’ll cry openly.

(let people stare - IDGAF)

If there’s a hard date coming up, I’ll tell someone how I’d like to honor my grief.

If I hit an important milestone, I’ll invite someone to join me in celebration.

(no more silent simmering when people don’t “magically” know what I need)

If there’s a tug-of-war with my teen, nine times out of ten, I’ll drop the rope.

(our relationship and my peace are more important than proving a point)

If there’s a rare invitation into my daughter’s world, I’ll drop what I’m doing and say YES.

(wasn’t always like this)

If there’s a turtle stuck in the road, I’ll step in.

If there’s a swing in my vicinity, I’ll pump my legs ’til I reach the sky.

Those last two things were things I did when I was a kid. I’d gotten away from saving turtles and swinging on swings, but I’ve recently found my way back to them.

How?

I just started listening again.

‘That looks like fun’
‘I want to try that’
‘I am worthy’
‘I have time’

And the more I listen to myself, the more I’m learning to trust:
I know who I am;
I know how I want to live out my days;
I know how I want to be remembered when I’m gone.

Do you hear that?

The ocean is calling,
so are the birds,
so are self-compassion and uninhibited joy.
I am listening.
It’s not too late.

© rms 2023

🏔️ My friends, we are only 27 days away from the #soulshift retreat in the Blue Ridge Mountains! This once-a-year gathering at @artoflivingboone offers us a rare opportunity to listen to our inner guidance… reclaim our lost joy… and rejoice in the power of community. If you have ANY inkling to join me on Oct 27, let’s do whatever we can to make it happen! All details can be found at link in bio or my stories.
Today I want to update you on our friend Alice Kaj Today I want to update you on our friend Alice Kajoina, a resident of Uganda who I came to know through a Learning Trip in 2018 with @africanroadorg. Many of you have followed Alice's story and purchased her handmade jewelry over the past few years, resulting in some truly wondrous connections.

Alice has developed a passion and gift for training young women to sew and make handcrafts so they can market their wares and earn income. They call themselves ‘Brave Girls,’ and the purpose of their gatherings goes far beyond creating product; it’s about creating hope through community.

Alice says, “When I see young girls going through what I went through, I look for a way to help and make a difference for them. To help girls be equipped to stand on their own is my joy. Even if they have little they can do, they can build on that little thing.”

In 2020, jewelry sales from our online community allowed Alice and her family to purchase a plot of land and build a house made of bricks from clay off the land. A few members of this online community purchased large quantities of Alice’s jewelry to distribute in their local communities. With the additional funds raised, Alice was able to have solar panels installed and indoor plumbing for the first time in her life.

Alice had a hard time believing that strangers would love her and her family this way.

This was my response: “Your story shows us what one person can do with determination and love. And it’s a story we want to be a part of.”

If you are interested in being part of Alice’s story, I am taking orders for Alice’s “beads of strength” bracelets. She transforms wastepaper into hand-rolled beads with careful craftsmanship and by praying and singing as she works.

Your purchase will enable Alice to install concrete flooring in her home that is currently made of dirt, a major cause of infectious disease.

A member of our online community, Nicole, is helping me get them to you through her small, family-owned shipping business.

Click link in bio or stories to purchase.
You never wanted to know how to survive divorce. Y You never wanted to know how to survive divorce.
You never wanted to know the depths of depression.
You never wanted to know the signs of addiction.

But you do.

You never wanted to know rock bottom.
You never wanted to know how to leave an abusive relationship.
You never wanted to know it was possible to come back after financial crisis.

But you do.

You never wanted to know the pain of caring for a parent who doesn’t remember you.
You never wanted to be the strong one.
You never wanted to know the car is a safe place to cry.

But you do.

You never wanted to know a family could break.
You never wanted to know how to put the pieces back together in a new way.
You never wanted to know a new normal.

But you do.

You never wanted to know claiming peace comes from cutting ties.
You never wanted to know the kind of courage it takes to ask for help.
You never wanted to know the pain of living an unauthentic life.

But you do. You do. 

The tears that surface at inopportune times and unexpected moments are the lines of your story. And each time you own it – rather than hide it – someone else is not alone in their story. This type of connection creates real possibility, even when it feels like you know how the story ends.

My friend, your story is not over; it is still being written.

In time, may your remarkable storyline intersect with something or someone that feels like real hope.

-Rachel 

📷 ABOUT THIS PHOTO: This was taken by @amybpaulson during one of my #soulshift retreats.
After this session, as we began leaving the outdoor amphitheater, I noticed people gravitating towards each other. Through the stories shared, people who experienced similar pain, challenges, and hopes were able to find each other.

On the stage where we’d stood, were things we were leaving behind for good: painful baggage… damaging beliefs… hurtful labels… guilt and regret.

This is the power of being seen and feeling the validation of being heard.

🍂 Maybe it’s your time….

FIVE WEEKS FROM TODAY, I will be leading my retreat at @artoflivingboone. Please don’t miss this rare opportunity if it speaks to you. Click link in bio or stories to register.
When my child was 8 and we’d ride our bikes to t When my child was 8 and we’d ride our bikes to the grocery store, she did this thing that made me hold my breath.

Each time the sidewalk ended, she coasted down the curb and weaved out into the busy road just a bit. This tendency startled me, but I knew if I yelled out, screamed, or even gasped, I might cause her to lose her balance. 

So instead, I held my breath and said a little prayer.

There were exactly ten scary swerves from our house to the store. Each time Avery got back safely on the sidewalk, she’d look back and smile as if to say, “I got this.”

Although I was shaking inside, I’d smile back -- my most confident smile—as if to say, “Yep. You got this.” 

I find myself thinking a lot about that experience as my daughter now navigates high school, a territory in which adolescents do a lot of weaving, teetering, and even some crashing. When this happens, I try not to overreact, gasp, or scream. I try not to hover or overprotect. I try my best to support and believe in her ability to overcome.

As she forges her path to independence, she seeks my approval and opinions less and less – but I notice she still tends to look to me when facing something tough. And although I am shaking inside, I give her my best look of assurance. I push away my distractions, my agenda, my fears, and give her all of me.

That look, from my heart to hers, steadies her.

I see it in the way her chest exhales...

in the way she refocuses...

and in the way she doesn’t give up.

It's quite normal to want to spare my child from the pain that comes with being human, but the characteristics I most want her to develop are often born from a place of adversity. I want my child to believe she is strong and capable, so when the path gets bumpy, she will not be stuck in fear or give up because it’s too hard.

I want her to say herself, “I’ve been on a difficult path before. I’ll keep pedaling, my face towards the sun. I got this.” 🚲🌅
My yearly #soulshift retreat is one of those rare My yearly #soulshift retreat is one of those rare occasions in our impersonal, hurried, and distracted lives that we can comfortably, authentically, and supportively connect with people from all walks of life who want to live with more presence, purpose, and joy. 

My retreat offers a natural way to make a new friend (if you want to) or just have personal time and quiet space to get reconnected with yourself and your inner dreamer. Time and time again, I hear this from participants: ‘I was scared to come, but I am so glad I gave myself this gift.’

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions at all about the upcoming retreat at @artoflivingboone in NC. If you feel like you should be there, let’s try to make it happen. 

My hand in yours,

Rachel 

Click link in bio or stories for details & registration. Thank you @amybpaulson for the beautiful photos you took of me at the center the past couple of years.
If we are neglecting our inherent needs, using neg If we are neglecting our inherent needs, using negative self-talk, or ignoring our stress, it is very difficult to connect with our kids and teens to help them cope with their own pressures and challenges.

Ask me how I know, I will tell you the truth — and the truth isn’t pretty — but moments of painful self-awareness can become catalysts for growth.

Like this self-realization:

“Helping my 14-year-old daughter overcome this traumatic event mustn’t be my life’s purpose. I need to invest in things that will help ME be a healthy companion for HER on HER healing journey.”

What I discovered was that even brief, imperfect attempts at being kind and loving towards myself made a significant impact during that trying period in my family’s life. Because here’s the thing: When we are kind to ourselves, we create a space that is free of judgment—a place that honors our pain and sees our mistakes as stepping stones.

My friends, our stumbles as we raise our kids and teens don’t call for shame or giving up; they call for compassion and honesty. And by being open about our humanness, we become a trustworthy and relatable guide for them to turn to as they navigate adolescence.

📣 Hear me when I say: Humanness is not a weakness in our relationships; it’s a strength. It’s a point of connection.

-Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times best-selling author & certified special education teacher

***

🎟️ What I shared above is a tiny glimpse of what I will be presenting at The Everything Parenting Teens & Tweens Virtual Summit.

Breaking down the practice of “Looking After Yourself” is something I wish I could share with every human being I encounter. Thanks to the hard work of Sheryl Gould of @momsoftweensandteens , I get to offer what I’ve learned in this FREE online series that has an incredible lineup of parenting educators.

The event kicks off on October 2nd with succinct & enlightening presentations specifically geared towards parents and caregivers of tweens and teens.

Secure your free ticket by clicking the link in my bio or stories!
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Copyright © 2023 · Hands Free Mama by Blogger Boutique · Header photos by Amy Paulson