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Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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When We Set Start Points to Fight Hate, Love Gets Feet

I can tell you where my anti-racism journey started.  I’d walked through the Kigali Genocide … [Read more...]

Filed Under: racism, Rwanda

For 67 Days She Put Well-Being Before Grades & Learned How to Fly

A while back, my swimmer daughter happened to tell me the vital importance of water in her life. … [Read more...]

Filed Under: conscious parenting, Coronavirus, dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, human connection, human needs, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, mental health, positive parenting, Raising Resilient Kids

Why I’m Asking, ‘Are You Ok?’ This Mother’s Day

Almost three years to this day, two dear friends drove 300 miles in one day to lay eyes on me. … [Read more...]

Filed Under: healing, human connection, I am enough, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, mental health, Raising Resilient Kids, relationships, self-love

A Small Way Forward When It Feels Like Nothing Matters and Days Have No Stars

It’s April 28.  I know… dates have kind-of lost their significance. But I know what day … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Coronavirus, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, Living In Realness, mental health, Overcoming fear

On Bended Knees, Missing Keys, and Holes You Can’t Fill Today

A few days ago, our family hired a nice man to place fresh pine straw (think mulch) in many places … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Coronavirus, finding joy, healing, human connection, human needs, isolation, Live Love Now, living authentically, mental health, self-acceptance, self-love, What I Would Have Missed

You Beside Me

On Friday afternoon, a box containing copies of my finished book, LIVE LOVE NOW, was delivered. A … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Coronavirus, healing, human connection, human needs, intentional living, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, mental health, relationships, What I Would Have Missed

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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If I am being honest with myself, I admit that: A If I am being honest with myself, I admit that:

Anxiety in the people I love makes me want to control.

Sassiness in the people I love makes me want to get defensive.

Pain in the people I love makes me want to rescue.

Silence in the people I love makes me want to withdraw.

But those responses from me are not helpful or healing; in fact, they only add to the chaos and make the situation worse. What is helpful and healing is to provide what is lacking in the situation: stability.

When a loved one is in distress, I am called to be steady—to respond calmly with compassion and understanding, regardless of what is coming at me. This is not easy, but it is possible. What keeps me in check is something I call The Reasonability Test. It is most helpful when I’m met with pushback and conflict is quickly escalating. That’s when I check in with myself using the following three questions:

• Is what I am asking or saying reasonable?

• Do I sound like a voice of reason?

• Does my body language match my calm voice and words?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, there’s a good chance I’m contributing to the instability. I make adjustments to my words, tone, body language, and/or expectations so I can better understand and be better understood.

If the answer to any of the three questions is yes, and the other person is not responding reasonably, it most likely means there is a deeper issue at hand.

That’s when I offer one of three reasonable solutions to get to the root of the issue.

• Help: “I know you are under a lot of stress right now, how can I help?”
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• Validation: “You really wanted it to work out differently. I am so sorry it didn’t work out that way.”
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• Space: “I’m going to give you some time to yourself. I’ll be right out here if you need me. Perhaps in a bit we can talk about why you’re so upset.”
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To a scared soul, these options feel like comfort. To a drowning mind, these options feel like oxygen. To a rejected heart, these options feel like acceptance.

-RMS from #livelovenow
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*Today grab my free eBook THE POSITIVITY REMEDY. It includes 6 strategies (including the one in this post) that help us be PEACE IN THE CHAOS. Link in bio.
Dear Young People Learning in a Global Pandemic, Dear Young People Learning in a Global Pandemic,

Is this a race?

Or could it be a pause?

The system set up to educate you long ago was based on a twelve-year goal.

This was someone’s IDEA.

It doesn’t encompass all your needs, nor does it rise to the heights you can reach.

It was an idea formed long, long ago based on the life events and needs of people at THAT time.

We haven’t even been in this pattern that long when you stand back and look at the whole picture.

Yet, the system has convinced us that you have a certain amount of time to be educated and one standard path.

But what if?

What if… we reminded ourselves this isn’t a race?

What if… we used this unusual time as a pause and expanded our awareness to include how you can grow as a human this semester?

What if… we valued BEING over DOING for a moment?

What if... we did what we thought was best this semester and threw out all messages of “falling behind”?

What if… you accepted that at the end of this semester, wherever you find yourselves is FOR you?

What if… you trusted your ability to land right on time—YOUR time?

What if…. you took the race out of the equation?

What if… you allowed yourself to grow in the direction you need to grow this semester?

What if… you allowed yourself to show the world what direction that is?

I know it feels uncertain without a map; you have grown accustomed to being shown the way.

What if… you create THE WAY?

Rest in that for a moment.

What if you stepped out of the standardized box and created something different—something that actually fits your needs, passions, and dreams?

I know that’s a big WHAT IF… but you have an opportunity right now.

And you have been given a heart to guide and a pause to ponder.

What will you do with them?

Written by Kerry Foreman,
Psychotherapist @getgrounded1 
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❤️Kerry Foreman is an embracer of young people who want to be seen, heard, and valued. She is a guide of young people that yearn to navigate life as their truest, most authentic selves. If you’d like Kerry’s gift to strengthen the young people in your life during this difficult time, please talk to them about joining Kerry’s upcoming session of GROUNDED TEENS.
Encouragement I wrote to a friend in 2017 was need Encouragement I wrote to a friend in 2017 was needed by my child in 2021.

Today, l I offer it to you…
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“I am 100 percent certain everything you endured over the past year has prepared you for what is coming next. Even though we don’t know what is next, it is hopeful and helpful to anticipate that something important is coming.

Here is what I envision:

On a momentous day in your future, an unexpected role will present itself. To most, it will look scary, intimidating, difficult, or impossible—but to you, it will look like a possibility. You will walk right up to that role, and you will know what to do. In a voice brave and strong, you will deliver a message no one else can deliver. You will provide hope where there is none. Why? Because of where you are today. Because of the courageous choice you are making to accept what is now, so you are available for what is next.

So, you see, dear one, you are not failing, you are preparing—and there is a BIG difference.

It’s the difference between seeing what you wish you could’ve done and what you can still do.

It’s the difference between seeing time wasted and experience gained.

It’s the difference between seeing who you think you let down and who you’ll someday lift up.

In the coming days, may you experience a powerful perspective shift from ‘I am failing’ to ‘I am preparing.’
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And when the time comes, you will be ready to make the contribution only you can make.” -RMS
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📘Helping loved ones shift their focus from how they THINK a situation should have turned out to what it’s preparing them for next opens the door to hope and possibility. It helps them examine how their future purpose might be found somewhere in their current struggle. This topic, along with helpful scripts, are covered in my latest book #LiveLoveNow.
“I loved back Not because Their love Sounded “I loved back 
Not because 
Their love 
Sounded sweet
But because 
Their love 
Had feet. 
It did not 
Tell you where 
It was going
It showed 
You”
-Cleo Wade, #hearttalk
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On this momentous day in our nation’s history, I began by reading the book I’ve read nearly every day for the past three years. The pages of HEART TALK are dog-eared and lined with sticky notes. It’s one of the few books I own that actually serves as a map, directions for my soul.

Choosing love as much as humanly possible has always been my thing, but this notion of love having feet – love that SHOWS you where it’s going – well, that’s next-level.

I think it might be one of the most transformative concepts of our time.

I’m pretty sure most of us can agree that we have a long, hard road ahead of us. There is immense work needed to be done. And one of our biggest obstacles will be agreeing on how to get there—to a more just, humane, safe, and secure world.

But if LOVE has feet… if LOVE shows up… if love DOES, I think we can actually get somewhere, don’t you?

So, basically this has become my litmus test. Deciding if an idea is a good way forward or not requires a simple question: “Does it have feet?”
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Meaning, it is just talk? Or is it Love in Action?

I think that question, no matter what side of the aisle you’re on, could actually get us somewhere.

Shall we begin?

Building a better world will be the journey of our lifetime. Let’s walk the road together. There’s a brighter day ahead.

Only love today,

Rachel
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“Hate is a shortcut. Love is the long way, but it is the only road that will really get you anywhere.”-Cleo Wade
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@cleowade is a poet, activist, community-builder, & hope-builder. Please read, listen, and follow Cleo’s lead. Her books are: HEART TALK, WHERE TO BEGIN, and WHAT THE ROAD SAID.
*names have been changed Ever since the pandemic *names have been changed

Ever since the pandemic began, I make a point to get in the line of a certain young bagger at the store. *Steve reminds me of a former special education student. Dan struggled with academics, but in altruism, he excelled.
 
I will never forget the first time Steve bagged my groceries. When he got to the last bags, I watched curiously as he gently hung them in an unsuspecting place.

A few inches below the cart handle were two tiny metal rungs.
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“Wow,” I said. “That’s a clever idea. I’ve never seen anyone do that before,” I commended.
 
Even the sober cashier stopped ringing up items to look up. “That Steve,” she said flatly, “He comes up with some good ones.”
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And that’s when I turned and looked at Steve. It was his moment … and he was shining in his moment.
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“Can I borrow your idea sometime?” I asked the beaming young man.
 
Steve nodded. “Sure. Just be sure to get the bag right on the hook—and nothing too heavy.”
 
As I pushed our cart away, I glanced back at Steve. He was still shining. He was still feeling his moment.
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“Please don’t let me be too hurried, too distracted, or too skeptical to notice the shiny moments,” I silently prayed.
 
When I got to my car, I snapped a photo of the bags on the hooks. Suddenly, three words came to mind: low-hanging fruit.
 
In the business world, the term means a quick fix that produces ripe results or a target that’s easy to achieve. Yet, there is low-hanging fruit in everyday life too.
 
When you notice them, an invigorating warmth washes over you; it has the potential to enhance the lives around you.

But when you neglect to see the low-hanging fruit – perhaps due to hurry, impatience, judgement, or control – you’re more likely to see what is “wrong.” This has a diminishing effect on those around you.

I’ve missed the low-hanging fruits in my life more times than I’d like to admit. But I refuse to live in regret; I choose to live in awareness. 

Because once your eyes start noticing the low-hanging fruits, you can’t help but see more. Rms
ONE CHOICE by Krystle Cobran At the beginning of ONE CHOICE by Krystle Cobran

At the beginning of this year, I’d like to share something with you.

To honor those who have come before.

To honor those who march.

To honor those who speak.

To honor those who sacrifice.

To honor those who think.

To honor those who choose to stay open.

To honor those who keep making that one choice, followed by one choice, followed by another.

To support those whose pain remains unspeakable—those who feel stuck in the in between of awareness and action.

To come alongside those who understand that diversity, equity, and inclusion are not about performance, public statements, or proving a point.

To walk with those who understand that change that sustains needs air, water, open air, truth, and transparency to take root and grow.

Because the truth is, there is no room for change until we make room for change.

I understand and deeply relate to the overwhelming pressure to do it all, fix it all, resolve it all, right now.

But my friends, I invite you to join me:

Resist the urge to do it all, today, and never underestimate the value of One Choice.

One conversation with yourself in the mirror.

One moment of pause instead of reaction that opens the doors of possibility.

One life experience valued instead of overlooked.

One choice to give respect instead of dismissal.

One invitation extended with dignity.

One choice to release an assumption and replace it with discovery.

One choice. One choice.

One Choice.

The transformation of lives, relationships, mentalities, processes, systems, and structures begins with One Choice.

This year, what will your One Choice be?

Let’s make room to start where we are.

Together. -KC
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@krystlecobran makes hard conversations about inclusion, diversity, & equity work real. She breaks things down into actionable steps & invites us in. The services Krystle offers for small businesses, local governments, friends & family help human beings feel supported as we learn, grow, and take action.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. May we honor his legacy by making One Choice to actively fight racism this week.
#mlkday
“I remember laying my head on your lap at church “I remember laying my head on your lap at church when I was little,” my then eleven-year-old daughter began while I tucked her into bed. “You would run your fingers though my hair, and I’d look up at the high ceiling and pretend I was walking on the wooden beams. You lifted me up there. I was on top of the world.”
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The hairs on my arms stood up. I remembered those days in our former church vividly, but my recollection was vastly different than hers.

In the same moment my child felt my love, tears had dripped down my face as the pastor spoke, and I wondered how badly I was failing.

The disparity between my daughter’s memory and my memory was almost laughable—but it was also greatly comforting. It allowed me to grasp a pressure-relieving truth:

You can feel like you’re failing and still BE LOVE.

You can feel like you’re in the dark and still be someone’s light.

You can feel like you’re going under and still lift someone up.

I will remember this, I thought to myself as I kissed my daughter goodnight.

Not only have I remembered this truth over the years, but it has been proven, time and time again. And every time, it gives me hope.

As we begin a new week, a new year fresh with possibility, let’s remember what we know about love…

Love prevails over failures, flaws, and unsalvageable days.

Love doesn’t have to be perfect to be felt, absorbed, and transformational.

Love is always a good place to start a new beginning.

By RMS from “The Positivity Remedy” 
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“Dear Rachel, things have been so very hard with both my kids lately and today I was so heavy with despair that I didn’t even want to read the book—not because I didn’t think it would be good; I love your work, but because I didn’t feel worthy of it. I felt like I was failing. And then instead of going to sleep to escape, I decided to take a look. And I read and read and got to this line and just fell apart: ‘You can feel like you’re failing and still be love.’ Thank you for reaching out your hand to me and to all who read this and find the line that touches their soul. I need to read the whole thing again tomorrow, and probably the next day too.”
RMS on being a GOOD GUIDE: . . “When you start t RMS on being a GOOD GUIDE:
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“When you start to care for yourself and listen to your needs, it creates a beautiful, life-giving ripple in your home. You might say to your family, ‘This is how I pursue peace; I’m taking twenty minutes to do this because it restores me.’
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Or you might say, ‘I’m going to share this coping mechanism with you. I feel a lot of stress right now and need to release this stress. I don’t want to carry it in my shoulders and have it come out as a mean voice.’
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As much as we can right now, we need to tell our kids when we are struggling and how we are going to work through that struggle.

THAT is what they need to see. They don’t need to see this façade that you have it all figured out. They know darn well that we don’t have all the answers. They know we are navigating tough territories that we have never encountered before.

But the good news is, we don’t have to have the answers; we must simply be a Good Guide.

Good Guides understand the importance of listening to one’s internal compass.

Good Guides know when and how to rely on helpful resources to navigate hard times.

Good Guides demonstrate that struggling is not something to be ashamed of—it’s part of being human.

The young people I speak to through my work say they want to be seen, heard, and included in the conversation. They want to be part of figuring out how we, as human beings, find peace and meaning in this technology-saturated, connection-hungry culture.

Thankfully, finding peace and meaning together IS possible.

The ten distraction-free minutes I started with in my journey was my gateway to a more meaningfully connected life. If you can, start with ten minutes today. Put away the phone. Put away the to-do list. Turn off the news. Put your phone in the drawer. Sit down. Breathe. Listen to your breath. Say to yourself, ‘I see you. I hear you. I’m proud of you.’
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That grace you give yourself is a way to give grace to those around you. Grace starts with you and it ripples out.”
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-Rachel Macy Stafford from #TheHeartStrongPodcast, Episode 10
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👂If you need some encouragement today, hop over to @jmlindberg to take a listen to our conversation.
A few years ago, I came to a turning point in my p A few years ago, I came to a turning point in my parenting journey—I chose to be human. As I began accepting all parts of myself, I made a healing discovery that’s become a lifeline for my family in times of distress.

The momentous discovery is this: Fear wears disguises—and it feels especially poignant for the times we are living in right now.

This gem of truth came to me during a whitewater rafting experience. As my family navigated its first set of rapids, I feared my daughter was going to fall out. So, what did I do? I began barking out orders, sharp and gruff.

Scott turned to me and said, “Don’t be mad.”
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“I’m not mad; I’m scared!” I declared, holding back tears.

And that’s when four miraculous words came from my mouth: “This is fear talking!”
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Our family eventually made it through the tumultuous trip, even laughing at the hilarious expressions on our faces in the photos. Yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about those four powerful words: “This is fear talking.”
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Suddenly, I was able to look back on some of the most shameful incidents of my life and see them in a whole new light. I’d always wondered how I could be so mean and controlling to people I loved so much. To understand that those behaviors were fear and anxiety “talking” lifted my shame and provided life-changing awareness.
 
Our family began naming the underlying emotions that presented themselves as unbecoming behaviors. For example, when I was being controlling, Scott said things like, “I can see you are feeling anxious about this…” When my daughter was moody and curt, I responded with statements like, “You must feel really sad about that; how can I help?”
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Such responses communicated a powerful message: “I am an ally who is with you, not against you.” From there, defenses went down, awareness increased, and solutions opened up.

As each one of us navigates an incredibly unstable time, it might serve us well to remember grief wears disguises … fear talks in unbecoming ways …  anxiety gets controlling and mean. Right now, we are being called to love in ways we never have before. But with awareness and a bit of effort, it is possible to answer that call. -RMS
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